I guess he has really good taste in footwear.
They weren’t the color I wanted, but beggars can’t be shoes-y.
Anyway, the sheriff burst in and arrested him for rustling.
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It’s my laptop.
Boot camp
Edit, "boot camp didn't work out so the boots went on a sole searching adventure."
My life is just specs, drugs and sausage rolls.
You open windows.
“No, shit, Sherlock.”
“You herd me!"
A shoe.
"For cough" She growled. "Alright love, I only asked." I replied.
A woman went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen. The woman asked him if it's true what they say about men with big feet being well endowed.
The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?"
The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.
Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me for mah services before."
"Don't be flattered," she said. "Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit."
John left large shoes to Phil.
...and ends up on the Island of Trid. The people there are starving and explain to the pastor that it’s because whenever they try to harvest the fruit at the top of the mountain, the nasty giant comes out of his cave and boots them all back down the hill. This infuriates the pastor who then declares that tomorrow he will join them on their next attempt. The next day they all march up the mountain together, and sure enough, out comes the giant who proceeds to kick all of the locals back down the hill leaving only the new guy to gather fruit at his leisure. Finally, he stops and asks the giant, “Well, aren’t you going to knock me off the mountain?”. Shaking his head, the giant says, “Silly rabbi, kicks are for Trids”.
It's a reptile dysfunction.
It’s his spare veal
Boot camp!
The shop owner told me to take a hike.
They gave me the boot.
The instructor said he'd never even seen me in the classroom.
Carbon dyed ox hide.
It was an assisted shoe-icide
Holmes: "Is that comforter on your bed?" Watson: "No, sheet, Sherlock"
Holmes: "Is that a long note on your desk?" Watson: "No, chit, Sherlock"
Holmes: "Is that your residence?" Watson: "No, shed, Sherlock"
I went to ask my daughter:
Where do you park when you visit the moon?
(Originally I was gonna say at the parking meteor!)
But straight faced she replies:
Anywhere you can find space.
Then she grinned... (she knew what she was doing)... space dad. get it? in space....
Totally out dad joked by my own daughter.
That's why I'm still carrying around these huge daddy-shoes.
Turns out these boots are made for Joaquin.
...reboot?
Ugg!
So they get their parkas and snow boots, fishing rods and ice auger, and everything else they need, and go out to find a good spot.
Just as they start to drill a hole in the ice, they hear a great booming voice from above: "There are no fish here!"
"What was that?"
"It sounded like the voice of God!"
"Well let's try somewhere else."
They move away a bit, and settle down to try again. But before they can even start to drill, they hear it again:
"There are no fish here!"
So they pack up and move even farther down the ice. Surely this will be a good spot. But just as they pull out the auger, the voice booms out again:
"Listen you guys, I'm the manager of this ice rink, and I'm telling you there are no fish here!"
I said, My foot, officer
Now my boots are squeaky...
Specsavers, Boots and Gregg’s. My life is just specs and drugs and sausage rolls.
