I caught my dog chewing on my boots.

I guess he has really good taste in footwear.

πŸ‘︎ 182
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IrateScientist
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Im quivering in my boots
πŸ‘︎ 132
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bloodywolfeyes
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend decided to gift me the boots I’ve been drooling over

They weren’t the color I wanted, but beggars can’t be shoes-y.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/serialcompliment
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I was in a bar in Texas, when a man walks in wearing a paper cowboy hat, a paper shirt, paper jeans,paper chaps and paper boots.

Anyway, the sheriff burst in and arrested him for rustling.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my boss, β€œSorry I’m late. I was having computer issues.”

Boss: Hard drive?

Me: No, the commute was fine. It’s my laptop.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Where do you send your boots when they've been misbehaving?

Boot camp

Edit, "boot camp didn't work out so the boots went on a sole searching adventure."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PantsHelpMe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Teslegs Roadstar.
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatincomingvirus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
During lockdown I discovered that there are only 3 shops I need: Specsavers, Boots and Greggs.

My life is just specs, drugs and sausage rolls.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ugpom
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you after an Apple turns bad?

You open windows.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Di_Ma_Re_Bra
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œHey Watson, is that mud on your boots?”

β€œNo, shit, Sherlock.”

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Apple bottom jeans boots with the purr
πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RajuNeupane
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œI love my job!” exclaimed the farmer. β€œAll you do is boss me around all day!” complained one of his sheep. β€œWhat did you say?” challenged the farmer. The sheep glared back and growled...

β€œYou herd me!"

πŸ‘︎ 785
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What is made of leather, a foot long and sounds like a sneeze?

A shoe.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HydrosFear
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Windows
πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Atg2411
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
So, I went in to boots and asked for some benylin.

"For cough" She growled. "Alright love, I only asked." I replied.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OliPark
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Cowboy Boots

A woman went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen. The woman asked him if it's true what they say about men with big feet being well endowed.

The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?"

The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.

Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me for mah services before."

"Don't be flattered," she said. "Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit."

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy John gave his size 13 boots to his little brother, Phil. Problem is, Phil wears size 9.

John left large shoes to Phil.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lameguy13
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
🚨︎ report
A jewish pastor becomes a missionary...

...and ends up on the Island of Trid. The people there are starving and explain to the pastor that it’s because whenever they try to harvest the fruit at the top of the mountain, the nasty giant comes out of his cave and boots them all back down the hill. This infuriates the pastor who then declares that tomorrow he will join them on their next attempt. The next day they all march up the mountain together, and sure enough, out comes the giant who proceeds to kick all of the locals back down the hill leaving only the new guy to gather fruit at his leisure. Finally, he stops and asks the giant, β€œWell, aren’t you going to knock me off the mountain?”. Shaking his head, the giant says, β€œSilly rabbi, kicks are for Trids”.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/5YearApril
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I don't feel sexy when she wears snakeskin boots.

It's a reptile dysfunction.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/InterwebWeasel
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was there a dead calf in the boot of a Germans car?

It’s his spare veal

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cormac-Dockry
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get if you cross a shoe with a tent?

Boot camp!

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DecIsMuchJuvenile
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to bargain the walking boots down to $5 for the pair.

The shop owner told me to take a hike.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I got fired from the shoe factory, but they were nice enough to leave me with a parting gift.

They gave me the boot.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to army boot camp and I got in trouble for skipping camouflage training

The instructor said he'd never even seen me in the classroom.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nonions
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Black shoes and boots are made out of

Carbon dyed ox hide.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I kicked my boot off a cliff today.

It was an assisted shoe-icide

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tricky_Nick007
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Android crashes on boot when running from SD card
πŸ‘︎ 945
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheJackHughman
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2017
🚨︎ report
Holmes: "Is that mud on your boots?" Watson: "No, shit, Sherlock"

Holmes: "Is that comforter on your bed?" Watson: "No, sheet, Sherlock"

Holmes: "Is that a long note on your desk?" Watson: "No, chit, Sherlock"

Holmes: "Is that your residence?" Watson: "No, shed, Sherlock"

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report
My father pointed at these boots at the store today and told me 'they're half off'. Thought this deserved to be here.
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thicc_boi37
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Ever have your kid come up with a better punchline than your original?

I went to ask my daughter:

Where do you park when you visit the moon?

(Originally I was gonna say at the parking meteor!)

But straight faced she replies:

Anywhere you can find space.

Then she grinned... (she knew what she was doing)... space dad. get it? in space....

Totally out dad joked by my own daughter.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/leyline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
🚨︎ report
When my father left to buy cigarettes ten years ago, he forgot to put on his size 14 boots, and I'm keeping them because of the sentimental value.

That's why I'm still carrying around these huge daddy-shoes.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/djknutbanan
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Double parked my boot. It got toe-d
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Armyman365
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2018
🚨︎ report
I accidentally wore my Spanish friend’s rain boots instead of mine.

Turns out these boots are made for Joaquin.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
From r/softwaregore Oh it's definitely a large boot.
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UselessScrapu
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Glove and Boots | What is Pun? - 5:12 youtube.com/watch?v=RNta_…
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MagnusRune
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear they're doing a Das Boot..

...reboot?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wellgoshgollygeez
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I wish my girlfriend would quit obsessing over her new sheepskin boots!

Ugg!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/norrisrw
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Two buddies decide to go ice-fishing one day.

So they get their parkas and snow boots, fishing rods and ice auger, and everything else they need, and go out to find a good spot.

Just as they start to drill a hole in the ice, they hear a great booming voice from above: "There are no fish here!"

"What was that?"

"It sounded like the voice of God!"

"Well let's try somewhere else."

They move away a bit, and settle down to try again. But before they can even start to drill, they hear it again:

"There are no fish here!"

So they pack up and move even farther down the ice. Surely this will be a good spot. But just as they pull out the auger, the voice booms out again:

"Listen you guys, I'm the manager of this ice rink, and I'm telling you there are no fish here!"

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeppermintBiscuit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
She does Just do it
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BanAllPineapples
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
🚨︎ report
How did Hitler tie his boots?

In little Nazis

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiptonite08
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad, there’s something in my boot!

Is it your foot?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mhca
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
🚨︎ report
What's in your boot? Asked the cop suspiciously

I said, My foot, officer

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2018
🚨︎ report
I stepped on a mouse by accident!!

Now my boots are squeaky...

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrowsyDuck005
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
As I got older I find I need only three shops

Specsavers, Boots and Gregg’s. My life is just specs and drugs and sausage rolls.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report

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