Back in 2005, my father used to roll me down hills in an old car tyre...
Every time I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments from high school come flooding back to me.
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
I was reminded of the time’s when I was a child the other day. My dad is to stick us in tires and roll us down the hills in the back yard....
Those were the GOODYEARS.
My server slammed a glass of water down, tossed a spoon with a knife on the table and stomped off back to the kitchen. I pondered about their attitude for a moment and then it hit me...
They just didn't give a fork...
The other day I was driving by a prison and an unusually small person was scaling down the wall. I looked up at him confused as he sneered back at me.
And I thought to myself, well that’s a little condescending.
sorry it’s a repost of myself. My original post got removed for hate speech and harassment
I had a tumor that made it uncomfortable to lie on my back, so I had to sleep face down.
Doc said it was prostrate cancer.
Guess I'm prone.
Three tomatoes are walking down a street: papa tomato, mama tomato, and baby tomato. The baby tomato starts lagging behind and papa tomato gets really angry, goes back and squishes him. He says...
What goes black white, black white, back white? A penguin rolling down a hill. What goes black white, haha, black white, haha?
The penguin that pushed him.
My car broke down on a Kentucky back road next to a pasture containing a single donkey .
Not wanting to walk, I had to burro it.
I tried to explain to my kids why the ball comes back down when they throw it up
But they don't understand the gravity of the situation
My wife got angry at me, so I draped a towel down her back
At a funeral a man sits Behind the woman who’s husband just died. The man leans forward and asks, “do u mind if I say a word?” she responds, “Not at all, please do.” the man stands up and says “plethora” and sits back down.
“Thanks,” said the woman, “that means a lot.”
My hair flowed down my back when I was in my 20’s and I’m not bragging when I tell you it still does
Because it starts from below my collar now
I forgot that I had stashed a small rounded bread from dinner in my back pocket when I sat down at the roulette table... I immediately started winning!
My wife and I were fighting while driving. It seemed like neither of us wanted to back down.
But in the end, we struck an Accord.
The baseballer's car broke down, so he had to get back home on foot.
Do you know what cows say when they sled down a hill on their back?
Watched my pregnant wife walk over to the fridge and pull out a bottle of Poland Springs. As she was coming back sit down I said "Shouldn't you be holding that with both hands?"
"We wouldn't want your water to break."
My dad, while speeding down a back road
Mom: You don't need to fly through here, honey.
Dad: We're still on the ground.
Whenever I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments of my high school days come flooding back to me.
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
Every time I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments from my high school keep flooding back to me.
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
Every time I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments from high school come flooding back to me.
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
Every time I lie down on my new bed, all my embarrassing moments from high school come flooding back to me.
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
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