A burglar broke into my house and I pushed my bookcase on top of him.

It was shelf defense.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kylejay915
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 24 2021
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I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/l1r2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 24 2021
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If I ever run a hotel, the free breakfast would be served from 7 tables all pushed together in the middle of the room.

It would be a Pangea breakfast

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/International_Sea285
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 20 2021
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Today my wife accidentally pushed flower pot with her elbow. After 3 hours of arguingshe came to a conclusion that

I put it in the wrong place...... 3 years ago

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/newdoc123
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 28 2020
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My twin brother was being rude to our mother on the phone, so I pushed him out of the window...

Now I am being charged with making an "obscene clone fall"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Costoffreedom
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 23 2020
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Coach Butt pushed his team The Doodies into the Toilet Bowl. But, his team was playing like crap after a heavy load. And even though Coach knew his #1 was flushed, he pointed at him and said...

Urine.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Buschman98
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 22 2020
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β€œNoooo” screamed the spring as he was pushed down the stairs.

β€œWhat are you doing doing doing ...”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/vulpixpix
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 13 2020
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I pushed a chinese person down a flight of stairs

It was wong on so many levels

πŸ‘οΈŽ 78
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sirdafiga
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 05 2019
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What do you call a dinosaur that pushed in in the queue?

Weretheydefinitelybeforeus?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Hansenator
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 15 2020
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Ya know, I saw superhero on the street once, he was in line for a hotdog, read this guys mind and saw that his head was in the clouds, and he just pushed in front of him!

If you ask me, that was pretty telepathetic of him.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NukulerNicky
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 18 2020
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When I went to the Dead Sea my wife came up behind me and pushed me in. Everyone who saw it thought it was hilarious.

I was so salty

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/yeezuswasaninsidejob
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 07 2019
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I recently overheard my dad washing the dishes. He repeatedly pushed a fork under water while saying:

"WHO DO YOU FORK FOR? WHAT'S YOUR PLATE?"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 37
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/I_Got_A_Hatt
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 22 2019
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One of my favorite times in my life was when my brothers put me in car tires and pushed me down hills

They were Goodyear’s

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lZombieChaserl
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 08 2020
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The fireman was injured on the job. Some say he was pushed, some think something fell on him.

I think it was the latter.

(Thought up this gem while trying to sleep at 3 am. lol.)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 31
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Benevolent_Sinner
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 01 2019
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What is it called when Jamie pushed Bran down the tower?

King’s Landing

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/paoerfuuul
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 25 2019
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Someone pushed me off a dock today for singing poorly.

I guess I was off quay.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Godredd
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 15 2019
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Do you know the guy whose friend pushed into the ocean as a prank?

He’s salty

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheSwagdude
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 08 2019
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So I just pushed my son into the ocean.

Understandably, he was a bit salty.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 30
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jorgygen4
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 21 2018
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What happened when 8 got pushed over?

He was infinitely annoyed.

(From my son)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 258
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/atmatthewat
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 15 2017
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Last time I saw my ex-wife, what she said made me so mad I pushed her in the river

Q: What did she say?

A: SPLASH!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/rundmcc
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 25 2019
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I came out with this on the street and she nearly pushed me under a bus.

We walked past a well-known tailor, they make fancy men's clothes and school uniforms to measure. She remarked on how she thought it must be an awful job. I saw my moment and it was glorious.

So I turned to her with barely contained glee and I said, "yeah, I'm sure it's tough but I bet it suits some people".

πŸ‘οΈŽ 577
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/absurdperson
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 19 2015
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My daughter complained that I pushed her around and talked behind her back.

I said: But I have to honey, you're in a wheelchair.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Ferg_NZ
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 23 2019
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What did the lawyer do to the lady that pushed him into a manhole?

Sewer.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/stupidsexyf1anders
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 11 2018
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Today a man was pushed into a pool by 2 children who disagreed with him.

He's now in stable condition, but is presumed Dad.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 132
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pixel_juice
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 18 2017
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So remember the Star Wars project that Reagen pushed back in the 80's?

... Designers at Raytheon really missed a marketing opportunity. They could've had the worlds first Ronald Raygun.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/graywolf0026
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 11 2019
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Once during a Halloween pool party I pushed a kid in a ghost costume into the pool, and he wouldn't stop crying.

He was the real wet blanket of the party.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Huggsy-The-Penguin
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 29 2019
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This group of kids ambushed me and pushed me into a cactus.

Those little pricks.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jhabibs
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 05 2018
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Someone walked up to me and pushed me so hard i ended up leaning to one side all day

I was like, "askews me!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Ganders81
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 28 2017
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Three elephants are pushed out of a moving plane. Two land on either side of the river. One lands in the river. What sound do they make?

Ba dum TSSS

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Chiapanacas
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 22 2013
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Someone pushed this jazz player over and broke his instrument

He filed for saxual assault

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MartyrXLR
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 05 2014
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When I was about 9 or 10, my whole family was in my parents' bed watching cartoons. I tickled my brother and he accidentally pushed my mother out of the bed with his spastic reaction...

Pissed, she said something angry like "Joshua, be careful, you could have killed me!"

My dad didn't miss a beat: "Well it was an accident, so it wouldn't be considered mattress-cide anyway."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ottawapainters
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 17 2014
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I lost my job at the bank today. An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over
πŸ‘οΈŽ 72
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Alex_Hurt
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 30 2018
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Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 63
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bobobu2004
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 07 2019
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I was asked why I pushed over an old lady at the bank today

I mean, she told me to check her balance

πŸ‘οΈŽ 38
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/brandschain
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 29 2019
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Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/smith_gt3
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 28 2019
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I was in the bank the other day, an old woman asked me to check her balance. So I pushed her over.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Mattasaurusrrex
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 25 2019
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