True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling “I stepped on a Bee!”
I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...
Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.
Apparently I had dropped one...
Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....
A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.
To all ya'll in Texas without tap water
Wild Falcons live to be about 13. So all the Falcons in the wild today were born in the 21st Century.
They're Millennial Falcons
It's an Archie Bunker! I built a replica of the All in the Family house INSIDE a giant basement in the Sims 4.
reddit.com/gallery/mv4w82
Ah yes medical pun (putting the actual joke in the title would kinda ruin it all ngl)
One day is all I lasted as a Mailman. Turned up on time in my shiny new uniform, was a handed a letter and thought to myself..
In the best Dadjoke move of all time..
Stephen King actually named his son Joe.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
My friend called me in a panic and shouted, “An evil wizard turned me into a tiny harp! I don’t know what to do!” Frantically, I drove all the way to his house only to find out...
...he’s really a big lyre.
What travels all over the world, but stays in a corner?
Where do all the super heroes in South Africa come from?
You all tell dad jokes in here....
But do you know when a joke is a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent.
Anakin was a bad student. Never paid attention in class, never took any tests seriously. All his teachers were angry with him. Teacher Obi-Wan was specially worried when he had to say,
"I have failed you, Anakin. I have failed you."
Heard y’all like puns (flies were found dead, butter was found at the grocery store in the dairy isle)
Feel blessed to live in Hawai'i but apparently, I'm just not a funny guy. Every time I tell a joke, all I get is...
Which one of the bees do all the sick bees in the beehive go to?
My wife has been taking a course in advanced electrics and it's taken over her life. Everything she says these days concerns resistors, transformers, circuitry, voltage, ampage etc. All fucking day long, I've tried explaining to her it's driving a wedge between us, but she won't listen to reason.
She just buries her head in the sand like an off switch.
A curious child asked her mom, "why are you starting to get some grey hairs in with all your dark hair?"
Seizing this as a moral teaching moment she tells her daughter this little white lie, "Well young lady, when a daughter does something naughty, one of her mother's hairs turns grey."
After several moments of deep thought her daughter says to her mother, "So, mommy is that why all of grandma's hair is grey????"
What do you call an Irishman you can leave outside all night in the rain?
Paddy O'Furniture!
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
I'm sure you've all heard about the ship stuck in the middle of the Suez canal
If I were that captain I'd be so ashamed I'd commit Suezside
I know that I've told y'all this before, but after not turning in his assignments and not coming to class all school year...
Bill Clinton is banned from all the French bakeries in his neighborhood.
He kept feeling their pain.
In spite of all our disagreements on Reddit, I’m glad about one thing.
Every one reading this is on the same page.
Edit: Thanks guys. This is way too much love.
My son never does his laundry so one day I got fed up and told him "If you don't start cleaning your clothes I'm going to leave you all my dirty clothes in my will!"
Sorry, just had to heir my dirty laundry
Where did Noah put all the bee’s in his Ark?
I purchased a new kitchen sink and the delivery man never told me he left in on my doorstep. Sat there all day
I went to a supermarket in the United Arab Emirates, but all the shelves were empty.
There was literally nothing Dubai.
I can't tell you all Japanese history in one joke...
*howls aggressively* "IM GOIN ALL IN BABY"
In scotland we name all our road gritters pun based names
All the toilets in the police station have been stolen!
Unfortunately, the cops have nothing to go on...
A little know story about Mozart is that in 1785 he killed all of his chickens.
When he asked who the best composer was, they kept replying “Bach, Bach, Bach”
I've decided to invest all my money in soup stocks
I want to be a bouillonaire.
Well, after all this time, they finally came in! I guess I’m a dad now!
I was an uber driver for a bunch of pro wrestlers, they were so tired after their show they all just stacked on top of each other in my backseat
I guess I was the pile driver
TIL: In spite of Covid, all African countries are insisting that customers should sit in a restaurant and eat dinner.
Lately I’ve been storing all my extra change in some bushes outside.
I’m starting my own hedge fund.
To the guy in the wheelchair participating in the DC insurrection dressed all in camouflage.
You can hide, but you can’t run!
I've written a stage representation of a story in which all lines are puns, and the stage is covered with the pages of a dictionary...
Looks like I have all my ducks in a row
I waited all afternoon to get my Covid vaccine in our small remote village, by the time it was my turn, they were administering them by candlelight...
I’m really not sure how effective they are, seems as if they are a shot in the dark.
All of my socks have holes in them!
How do you think I get my feet in them?
I asked all the countries in the world if they wanted to throw a party. All of them told me they can't because of covid.
Only one was like "Yemen"
My wife just complained that I've been in the garden all day tending to the herbs.
Apparently I have way too much thyme on my hands.
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