To all ya'll in Texas without tap water

Get well soon.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kimenon001
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
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Ah yes medical pun (putting the actual joke in the title would kinda ruin it all ngl)
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PrevAccountBanned
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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I purchased a new kitchen sink and the delivery man never told me he left in on my doorstep. Sat there all day

Just let that sink in

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
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A little know story about Mozart is that in 1785 he killed all of his chickens.

When he asked who the best composer was, they kept replying β€œBach, Bach, Bach”

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
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*howls aggressively* "IM GOIN ALL IN BABY"
πŸ‘︎ 159
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_thunder_struck_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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In scotland we name all our road gritters pun based names
πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thicchaggisboi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
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All of my socks have holes in them!

How do you think I get my feet in them?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BatDubb
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
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Well, after all this time, they finally came in! I guess I’m a dad now!
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elanstake
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
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Lately I’ve been storing all my extra change in some bushes outside.

I’m starting my own hedge fund.

πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
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I can't tell you all Japanese history in one joke...

But I can Samurais

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/S0n0fRuss
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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In spite of all our disagreements on Reddit, I’m glad about one thing.

Every one reading this is on the same page.

Edit: Thanks guys. This is way too much love.

πŸ‘︎ 18k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
To the guy in the wheelchair participating in the DC insurrection dressed all in camouflage.

You can hide, but you can’t run!

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/screamtrumpet
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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Where did Noah put all the bee’s in his Ark?

In the Ark Hives.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JP-Seven
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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I've decided to invest all my money in soup stocks

I want to be a bouillonaire.

πŸ‘︎ 377
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2ndbreakfastfan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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My wife just complained that I've been in the garden all day tending to the herbs.

Apparently I have way too much thyme on my hands.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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I went to the zoo the other day. One of the new exhibits was a piece of toast in a cage. I asked the zookeeper "what's that all about?" He said...

"Its bread in captivity"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DurtyStopOut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
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I think all World races should end in Europe

At the Finnish line

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kabocha00sama
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
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I asked all the countries in the world if they wanted to throw a party. All of them told me they can't because of covid.

Only one was like "Yemen"

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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What causes all the super-yachts to squeeze together in the same tourist spots?

Pier pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blarty97
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
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Looks like I have all my ducks in a row
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrazyCatSkits
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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Did y’all know there no canary’s in the Canary Islands? The Virgin Islands are the same!

There aren’t any canary’s there either.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
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Not to get all political in this sub, but...

Did you guys know that the guy who was recently pepper sprayed by Portland's mayor is a big dairy heir?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DieFlavourMouse
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
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Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?

King Tootsarecommon.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
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They should count all the people in this country that make $40k a year or less

Seems like common census

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
My son keeps all his boogers in a journal. He's up to 143.

I told him "One more and it'll be truly gross"

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/capnfatpants
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Of all the things I learned while in grade school...

I never thought trying to avoid cooties would be the most useful thing at this stage of my life.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mickerallen100
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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Seven dwarves were all in bed, feeling Happy.

When Happy got out, they all felt Grumpy !!

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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What’s with all the talk about horny bugs in Washington D.C.?

I keep hearing about the capital insect erection.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ukimeouch
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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I WRITE ALL MY JOKES IN CAPITALS...

THIS ONE WAS WRITTEN IN PARIS.

πŸ‘︎ 154
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
In the French Court of Louis XIV, going to the bathroom happened all over the place, but loud farting was really stigmatized. So people experiencing gas had to rush to a specifically appointed room called the...

Toot Suite

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xrayhearing
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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To all of you who have been disowned by fathers. In honor of pride month and on behalf of all dads of R/dadjokes I just wanna say, buffalo.

Because you can always be our bi-son, and even if you don't feel like shooting straight, we will always be trans-parent with you. You are loved.

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fartingpinetree
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
In our next Dnd campaign, the 4 heroes are all going to be singing wizards.

A regular bard-ershop quartet.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zeesmurf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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In spite of all restrictions because of Covid, diplomats are allowed to travel freely across countries.

Because they have immunity.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
I know Reddit has servers that all of our jokes are stored in, but I’ve come up with a better solution

I call it a Dad-a-Base

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/themeatspin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Chad asks his friend, "What would happen if all the women in the world disappeared?"

His friend replied, "That would be a pain in the ass."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyclopropagative
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
A thief in a small town stole all the toilets...

Police issued a statement saying they had 'nothing to go on'

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Altar-83
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I managed to catch all the Pokemon listed under M in the PokΓ©dex

Guess I caught M-all

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vote4Hitler
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
🚨︎ report
After all my travel in 2020 was cancelled, I'm now facing the COVID reality that my Spring Break trip is not going to happen either. I just told my suitcases this sad fact...

...and now I'm dealing with the emotional baggage

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Has anyone seen the new movie that’s playing in all the theaters?

It’s called β€œCLOSED”.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Esus9
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
BREAKING: Iran has struck its own submarine with an underwater torpedo in the Persian Gulf, killing all 350 aboard

Whoops wrong sub

πŸ‘︎ 80k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeterPorky
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the 80s singer who was utterly unyielding in attitude or opinion in spite of all appeals?

He was AdamAnt.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/anarchyinyourhead
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
If I ever run a hotel, the free breakfast would be served from 7 tables all pushed together in the middle of the room.

It would be a Pangea breakfast

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Every machine in the coin factory broke down all of a sudden without explanation.

It just doesn’t make any cents.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a man at the supermarket today, throw all the milk, butter, cream and yoghurt off the shelves, in a rage.

I thought "How dairy!"

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
We all have a submarine in our heads but we're not supposed to think about it. It's all sub-conscious.
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThaurdoI
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Typing in all lowercase...

should be capital murder.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arc-ion
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I replaced all of the incense in the Friar's room with Marijuana.

He's a High Priest now.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report

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