Sheepdog: All 40 sheep are accounted for, boss. Farmer: But I only had 39?
Sheepdog: Yeah I know, but I rounded them up!
You are a graduate of accounting and can't even tell when your SO is losing interest... smh
TIL Heath Ledger's brother is an accountant.
His name is General Ledger.
What is the favorite mode of transportation for accountants?
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
I wanted to do panic buying. So I checked my account.....
Just read an amazing account of a 13th-Century siege.
Just read an amazing account of a 13th-Century siege.
The attackers killed the duke's son, knocking him from the battlements with a peasant's severed head fired from a trebuchet.
It was the first recorded instance of a serf-face-to-heir missile.
From Twitter.
If you eat beef, you automatically become accountable...
Because you’re now a steakholder
Did you hear about the constipated accountant?
He couldn’t budget, so he had to work it out with a pencil.
You know why they call it a checking account?
Cause I’m always checking to see if there’s money.
To whoever stole my microsoft account, I will find you...
What is an accountant's favourite season?
What do all new Reddit Accounts have in common with the new MacBook Air?
What do you call a snake that works for the government?
Easiest way to flush them out
Why are accountants scared to go outside?
Because it's accrual world out there.
I thought getting a bank account would be boring
but I've slowly gained interest
Joke
What do you call two monkeys that share and Amazon account?
Verbatim account of a conversation with my son at breakfast this morning that makes me feel like I’m dadding well:
Son: “I hate crumbs.”
Me: “That’s not cool. Crumbs never did anything to you.”
Son: “Well I don’t want to eat them.”
Me: “And they don’t want to eat you.”
Son: “Crumbs can’t eat anything, Dad. They don’t have a mouth and they can’t swallow things inside them.”
Me: “What if there’s a river of crumbs going into the ocean and a duck lands on them and it’s like quicksand so the duck gets swallowed up at the mouth of the river of crumbs? I’d say it just got eaten.”
Son: “And I’d say you’re ducking weird.”
I started a twitter account devoted to non-sequitors but had to shut it down
When Biden pressed Trump about his Chinese bank account, Trump admitted...
For my next performance I will sort out my checking account while on a high wire
Started a job at an accounting apprenticeship office... took me an unreasonably long time to get the pun in their slogan
My 15 year old told me he set up an IRA account. I said “Are you kidding me?”
He said “No, I’m adulting you.”
I purchased $1000 in Bose stock today
My accountant said it would be a sound investment.
Accountant: what is your gross income?
My dad: there's no need to insult my income like that.
What do you call someone who doesn't have an account?
An accountant (account'nt)
I saw $50,000 mysteriously put into my bank account
I want no trouble, so I decided to leave it where I found it
I created a bank account dedicated entirely to buying and maintaining bushes
There are historical accounts of Attila and his army seeing strange otherworldly ships hovering over the battlefields.
These were Hun Identified Flying Objects.
It doesn't matter if you're beautiful or ugly because.....
At the end of the day it's evening
I went to the bank teller and told him I wanted to change banks and open an account.
Man: No problem Sir. What’s the name of your previous bank?
Me: Piggy.
When you are in charge of the twitter account during national battery day
It is a very little known fact that Boy George has an anonymous Reddit account
You might say he is a karma chameleon
What's the drug that changes your voice?
What is the favorite mode of transportation for accountants?
Did you hear about the constipated accountant?
He couldn't budget so he had to work it out with a pencil.
Did you heard about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
Did you hear about the constipated accountant?
They just couldn’t budget
Whoever stole my Microsoft office account ID, I will find you.
Did you hear about the animals that shared an Amazon account?
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
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