I met my boyfriend at the zoo.

He walked past in a uniform and I thought "There's a keeper."

πŸ‘︎ 229
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BellaLugosisChips
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2021
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What does it take to work at a zoo in Australia?

Koalafications!

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brownboysea
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about my ex-girlfriend who spent all her time at the zoo?

We broke up because it turned out she was a cheetah

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrabApprehensive
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2021
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Excuse me, do you work for a Zoo?

Because I think you’re a keeper

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ May 26 2021
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Took my daughter to the zoo and they only had one dog

It was a shih tzu.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chaoscontrol71
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2021
🚨︎ report
I went to a terrible zoo yesterday, it only had a dog

It was a Shih Tzu

πŸ‘︎ 108
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pressplaytorecord
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2021
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What do you call a zoo with only dogs?

A Shih Tzu

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flappyducks34
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2021
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Why don't giraffes play basketball at the zoo?

Too many cheetahs!

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyerunner1
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2021
🚨︎ report
I went to the zoo the other day. There was only one dog in it

It was a shitzu

πŸ‘︎ 253
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
🚨︎ report
I saw a biscuit in a cage at the zoo

It was bread in captivity

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wambo-mombo
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog.

Its a shitzu.

πŸ‘︎ 103
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kstone333
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
🚨︎ report
The zookeeper was depressed after the zoo got rid of its small whale exhibit.

There was no porpoise in her life anymore.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JPWiggin
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2021
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The strangest job I had was cleaning the monkey cages at our local zoo.

That shit was bananas.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
🚨︎ report
I went to a zoo yesterday, It was awful! there was no animals there apart from 1 dog

It was a Shih Tzu

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GuruWitch
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2021
🚨︎ report
I went to the zoo and seen a baguette in a cage.

The zoo told me it was bread in captivity.

πŸ‘︎ 697
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Prpeach
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
🚨︎ report
The power outage at the zoo’s primate exhibit was caused by a stereo.

Someone used it to play Rage Against The Machine. Lights out, gorilla radio.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thx_tex
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
🚨︎ report
I went on a date last night with a girl from the zoo

It was great. She’s a keeper.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
There's an ongoing armed seige occurring at at the zoo...

The gunmen have taken a number of ostriches.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Got kicked out of the zoo for feeding the ducks....

To the crocodiles .

πŸ‘︎ 196
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
🚨︎ report
a zoo owner wanted a mongoose exhibit

a zoo owner wanted a mongoose exhibit, so he wrote to the supplier - dear sir please send me a pair of mongooses, he thinks that doesn't sound right, so he throws it in the bin. try again - dear sir please send me a pair of mongeese, that doesn't sound right, so he throws it in the bin. try again - dear sir please send me a pair of mongi, that doesn't sound right, so he throws it in the bin. try again - dear sir please send me a mongoose

PS and another one

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrEpididymis
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the piece of toast at the Zoo?

It was bread in captivity

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
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My wife works with birds at the zoo. The other day I asked her about the lifespan of a falcon. She said they usually live for about 15 to 20 years.

"I guess that means all the Millennial Falcons are gone."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gherkinstein
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
🚨︎ report
A panda escaped the zoo last night.

There was mass panda-monium.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Divine_ICBM
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
🚨︎ report
zoo trip

At a petting zoo I saw a pig wearing cow shaped shoes. I asked the lady there why,

and she said "That's our moo shoe pork". :D

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/capngloval
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s in the kitchen but belongs in a zoo?

A pan, duh

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gannicusgota
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
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What is the difference between a house of toddlers and a zoo?

I can't think anymore. Please send help.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alexsious
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
🚨︎ report
At the zoo...

Me: How do you stop a rhino from charging?

My 11 y.o.: Unplug him

Me: ... You win.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/barcodez1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend worked at the zoo to circumcise elephants, the pay was bad but...

The tips were huge

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MoreTITS
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog.

....

It was a shitzu.

EDIT: For those who say it's "stolen", i had no idea. A friend of mine told me this one yesterday and i just had to post it. That's it :)

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gomass4
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Went to the zoo this morning and found a baguette in a cage.

Pretty sure it was bread in captivity.

πŸ‘︎ 96
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LoganWren
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
🚨︎ report
How is a 600 pound woman like a zoo?

They both have Z-bras.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ekolis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
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What do you get when you eat a kiwi at a zoo

Banned for life

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Forgotten_Orokin
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about the Grizzly zoo that couldn't afford to pay the keepers?

It's pretty bear bones, now.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TokyoGhoulFreak
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
I went to the zoo the other day. One of the new exhibits was a piece of toast in a cage. I asked the zookeeper "what's that all about?" He said...

"Its bread in captivity"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DurtyStopOut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
🚨︎ report
It must be tough working in the shipping and receiving department of a zoo.

No one ever addresses the elephant in the room.

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigtuna_burger
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Yesterday, I went to a zoo, but there was only one animal there

It was a shitzu

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotSkiller
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
🚨︎ report
I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage.

The zoo keeper told me it was bread in captivity

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Went to the zoo the other day.

The only animal they had was a dog. It was a shitzu.

πŸ‘︎ 113
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dsrange431
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
🚨︎ report
I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage

The zoo keeper said it was bread in captivity

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smellypants5379
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
🚨︎ report
I went to this zoo yesterday and they only had one dog.

It was a shih tzu.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGingerGlasses
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a zoo and the only animal inside is a dog.

It’s a Shih Tzu

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Got chucked out of the zoo for feeding the ducks...

....to the crocodiles.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
🚨︎ report
I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage

The keeper said it was bread in captivity

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OJAMZ23
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage.

The zoo keeper told me it was bread in captivity.

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elwheelio
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
I met my boyfriend while visiting the zoo. There he was, in his uniform...

straightaway I knew he was a keeper

πŸ‘︎ 18k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/studentadvisor101
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to a zoo, and it only had one dog.

It was a shitzu.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rparry40
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
🚨︎ report
I went to the zoo today and found a baguette in a cage...

I'm pretty sure it was bread in captivity

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xtreme331
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
I went to the zoo this weekend and all they had was one dog...

It was a Shih Tzu

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1_am_not_a_b0t
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
🚨︎ report

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