Panda Puns

I was group messaging both my parents.

me: the Smithsonian panda cam is back up

dad: I'm just absolutely thrilled.

me: you should be

mom: unlike your father, I am very happy

dad: Katie (my mom's name), you're just panda-ring to her.

After neither my mom nor I responded to the joke, he continued with: nobody liked by punda

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πŸ‘€︎ u/techbeck
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2013
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On average, a panda feeds for approximately 12 hours a day. It’s the same with humans under quarantine.

That’s why it’s called a β€œPandemic”.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 18
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A panda walks into a bar.

He gobbles some beer nuts, then pulls out a pistol, fires it in the air, and heads for the door.

β€œHey!” shouts the bartender, but the panda yells back, β€œI’m a panda! Google me!”

β€œA tree-climbing mammal with distinct black-and-white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sup_mike
πŸ“…︎ May 28
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How do you spell Panda?

In order to spell Panda, all you need is p and a.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CarelessBeginning
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
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They should name a panda born this year Mick...

Then it could be the panda Mick of 2020.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/McPepperdoodle
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
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So this panda bear walks into a bar.

He goes up to the bartender and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, then takes out a gun, shoots the piano player, and goes to walk out.

The bartender says what the heck are you doing?

I'm a panda. It's what I do. Look it up.

So the bartender gets out his dictionary. You know, for settling bets. You didn't have a problem with the piano player, just go with it.

So, sure enough, there it is in the dictionary.

Panda bear, noun. Not a true bear, eats shoots and leaves.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ May 04
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Someone tricked me into giving him all my panda food...

I've been bamboozled!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PugPianist
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
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Why did the WHO warn people about putting pandas in blenders?

Because it causes pandemix

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zeek-lukhulu
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31
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What happens when Po from kung fu panda acts like a jerk?

He becomes a skadouchebag

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phail64endo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22
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What happens when a panda escapes the zoo?

It causes a panda-monium

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dankwizard69
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29
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Ya ever hear of the panda girlfriend that tried tricking her panda boyfriend into eating vegan?

Needless to say... he was bamboozled

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zomida
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07
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A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender β€œI’ll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coke thank you”. β€œSure thing” the bartender replies and asks β€œbut what’s with the big pause?

”

The panda holds up his hands and says β€œI was born with them”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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What's a Panda's Favorite Form of Literature?

Po-ems

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πŸ‘€︎ u/John_isnt_my_name
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12
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How did the panda escape the hunter?

Bear-ly

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flare1206
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
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Which country is famous for its pandas ?

Po-land

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yashrajt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29
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The pandas escaped from the local zoo

There was complete pandamonium

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oz_Boi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
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PANDA starts and ends with PANDA
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jain_harsh21
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
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Freaking pandas
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
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What does a panda use to make pancakes?

A pan...duh

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πŸ‘€︎ u/goodrica
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
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What do ghost pandas eat?

Bam-boo!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sasherrrrz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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Did you hear about the Panda stealing all those plants?

She was a real bamboozler...

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jedi_Lucky
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
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How do you scare a panda bear?

With BamBOO

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheNefelivata
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
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What happens when a panda has an orgasm?

Pandemonium.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GavinsPlaygroup
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
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Hey y'all, I thought Panda Express didn't have MSG in it...

...but I keep finding all of these MSGs in my fortune cookies.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
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What do you call a panda with no teeth ?

A gummy Bear

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xd_Velociraptor
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
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How does a panda perform a murder at a restaurant?

He eats, shoots and leaves

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
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What do you call a confused panda?

Bamboozled

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πŸ‘€︎ u/megisoriginal
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
The panda bears rioted in the streets of Beijing today.

It was pandamonium!!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What is a panda bears favorite drink?

Bambooze

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πŸ‘€︎ u/why-it-be
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call when a panda tricked you

Bamboozled

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeonDF
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
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A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich. When he receives the check, he pulls out a gun, fires it several times, then walks out the door. If you don't get it look up "panda" in the dictionary ...

"Panda: A large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China; eats shoots and leaves."


Since today Merriam Webster even has the word dad joke:

"a wholesome joke of the type said to be told by fathers with a punchline that is often an obvious or predictable pun or play on words and usually judged to be endearingly corny or unfunny"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/istrebitjel
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
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Kung Fu Panda shouldn’t have been set in China

He really belongs in Poland.

Courtesy: my 10 year old.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiFraggiPrutto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
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What do you call a group of pandas in confusion and creating chaos?

Panda-monium

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/syheadafsar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
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China has a policy where a certain ammount of Pandas must live in the country.

To be fair, it's the bear minimum

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Northwestern253
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
A Panda Bear walks into a bar..

He orders a drink and sandwich. He eats, has a fine time with the others in the bar, and then heads towards the door when he's about ready to leave. But just before he does, he pulls out a pistol and empties all 6 rounds from the revolver right into the ceiling.

The bartender is frightened and angry he asks the bear "why did you do that??" He looks at the bartender and says "Panda. Look it up."

Intrigued by the night's occurrences, the bartender then goes home after closing and looks up "Panda'' in the dictionary. The entry for the animal said "Panda: Marsupial. Originating in Asian regions and commonly known for it's remarkably contrasting colors of black and white. Eats shoots and leaves.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bazander04
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
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I can spell Panda with only 2 letters

P and A

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
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How do you scare a Panda?

With a piece of bamBOO!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dmed24
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
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I have a joke about pandas...

Never mind, it's unbearable.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dabber_Danny
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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What happened at the panda's birthday party?

Panda-monium...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chuckitinthewater
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
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Today i saw a pair of pandas.

That bears repeating.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IrmaWasGood
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
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Today I saw twin pandas.

And I thought, "That bears repeating."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pizzapresident
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
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This panda is hurt!

Quick! Someone call the bamboolance.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lum1nar
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2018
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What do you call a wild panda?

Pandemonium!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BTorgrim6579
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw a panda making a pancake using something...

It was a pan, duh!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/K_G_R
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
🚨︎ report
A panda broke out of a zoo today, wreaking havoc and causing lots of chaos.

It was complete PANDAmonium.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/buttsecks42069
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
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Why is a Panda the most dangerous animal?

Because it eats shoots and leaves.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sxcQT
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
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What do you call a panda who has been tricked with food?

Bamboo-zled

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skyfi357
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the panda that had his life fortune stolen?

He was bamboozled

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jhg0325
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of socks do Panda Bears wear?

None. They have bear feet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2donutkid2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
🚨︎ report
A panda walks into a restaurant.

He seats himself at a table. The sight is so strange that the owner comes over personally and asks, "Can I help you?" The panda replies, "Do you have anything with bamboo?" The owner answers, "We have a few Chinese dishes that have bamboo." The panda says, "I'll just have the bamboo." So the owner heads to the kitchen and soon returns with a plate of bamboo. The panda eats every last morsel, then pulls out a pistol, fires it into the ceiling, and walks out. The owner is startled and completely confused, so he follows the panda all the way back to the zoo. When he finds the zoo keeper, he walks up and asks, "Do you have any idea what your panda just did? He came into my restaurant, ate a bunch of bamboo, pulled out a pistol, fired it into the ceiling, and walked out." The zoo keeper replied, "Well, of course, he's a panda; that's what they do." Then, when he saw the owner was still confused, added, "Haven't you ever read about pandas?" More confused than ever, the owner walks ho

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Feddny
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2018
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A panda

A panda walks into a restaurant, he eats, shoots the waiter, and leaves. Someone says, β€œHey! You cant do that!”. The panda replies, β€œThe dictionary says i can”. The people look it up and it says that a panda eats shoots and leaves.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drpresident1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
🚨︎ report
A panda walks into a bar and said I need something to eat

So the bartender gives him a bowl of peanuts. The panda grabs a handful and eats it. He starts walking towards the exit when he shoots up the bar and then proceeds to leave. The bartender says what was that the panda says look it up and throws him a dictionary. Panda eats, shoots, and leaves

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
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You hear what happened at the zoo with the horny pandas?

It was pandeMOANium

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jeebz21
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2018
🚨︎ report
A panda walks into an ice cream parlor...

asked what it wants, the panda replies "Any bear-y flavor will do."

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/this_is_grand
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2018
🚨︎ report
A Panda walks into a restaurant...

sits down and orders bamboo. Once he finishes his meal he stands up, pulls two guns from his furry pockets and shoots up at the ceiling not harming anyone. He then drops the guns and walks out. Confused, his waiter runs after him and yells, "Hey bear! What was that all about??!!". The panda says "Look me up." Confused, the waiter looks up "panda" and reads, "A bear that eats bamboo, shoots, and leaves."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maxbrickem
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that the pandas escaped their exhibit at the zoo?

It was panda-monium.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2018
🚨︎ report
What does a panda say to customer service when he can’t find his order number?

Just bear with me

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eprocket
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2018
🚨︎ report
This morning my wife and I walked in to the kitchen only to find a panda bear frying up some eggs and bacon for breakfast. My wife exclaimed in horror: β€œWhat the hell is that?!”

β€œA frying pan. Duh!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ErikMFoss
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
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Pandas are some of nature’s most ruthless killers

It eats chutes and leaves

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mram_MD
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Please help me think of some good puns about pandas

No bamboozle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smhanna
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2018
🚨︎ report
How do Pandas Scare Each Other?

With Bam....

Boo!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lie-Skiereski
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2018
🚨︎ report
Pandas are already so cute and loveable. I don't know why they behave so ridiculously as well.

I think they're just pandaring to their audiences

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kliffypoo
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2018
🚨︎ report
What does a panda say when someone else gets more karma than him?

I've been bamboozled

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/punny_boo_boo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2017
🚨︎ report
What happens when you trick a panda?

You BAMBOOzle them

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/i_iz_smrt
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a panda bear disguises itself as a grizzly bear?

Panda-ception

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nerull1252
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2017
🚨︎ report
A panda walked into a bar

And said to the bartender "i'll have a vod.....ka and a coke please. The bartender asks "why the big pause?" The panda replied "i was born with them"

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lieghannsheriden
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2016
🚨︎ report
I went to a zoo yesterday that only had one panda and no other animals...

How Bear-ren.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Godzilla_KOM
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2017
🚨︎ report
A panda gave birth at a zoo.

Let's just say there was a lot of pandemonium at that zoo.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stetja
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2017
🚨︎ report
What's a panda's favourite Halloween candy?

Bam-BOO!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ejsuuu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2016
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend was eating panda express

her: my fortune cookie doesn't have a fortune in it

me: ohh no, that's unfortunate

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jazzy2424
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2016
🚨︎ report
What does the Panda chef use?

A pan, duh.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Killer4free
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2016
🚨︎ report
What did the scary panda say?

Bam!! Boo!!

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2016
🚨︎ report
Why was the zookeeper fed up with the panda's antics?

Because he kept causing pandemonium.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/marcuccione
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2016
🚨︎ report
Overheard at Panda Express

"Sure we've had lo-mein but have you ever tried hi-mein?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cs0290
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2015
🚨︎ report
A Panda Walks Into A Bar

A panda walks into a bar, orders his food, eats it, but when the waiter comes to bring him his check, he pulls out a gun, shoots him, and walks out the door. The next day the panda does the same thing, same bar. The third day the manager is standing at the entrance and says, "What are you doing here? You shot two of my waiters! I'm gonna call the cops on you!" The panda says, "No wait! I just did what I'm supposed to!" The manager looks at him like WTF? But the panda says, "No listen." So he pulls out a dictionary, and it says, "Panda: Eats, shoots, and leaves."

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2013
🚨︎ report
To spell "panda" all you need is..

.. p and a.

πŸ‘︎ 148
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kmh4321
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
A panda walks into a bar

He eats shoots and leaves

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 29
🚨︎ report
A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender β€œI’ll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coke thank you”. β€œSure thing” the bartender replies and asks β€œbut what’s with the big pause?

”

The panda holds up his hands and says β€œI was born with them”

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender β€œI’ll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coke thank you”. β€œSure thing” the bartender replies and asks β€œbut what’s with the big pause?

”

The panda holds up his hands and says β€œI was born with them”

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender β€œI’ll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coke thank you”. β€œSure thing” the bartender replies and asks β€œbut what’s with the big pause?

”

The panda holds up his hands and says β€œI was born with them”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What does Panda use to make pancakes

A pan... duh

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
🚨︎ report
To spell panda all you need is

P and A

πŸ‘︎ 227
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SorenTheOwl123
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2018
🚨︎ report
A panda walks into a bar

He eats shoots and leaves

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fapling123
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2018
🚨︎ report
TIL China has a policy where a certain ammount of Pandas must live in the country.

To be fair, it's the bear minimum.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lord_Malgus
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a confused panda?

Bamboozled.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rexutu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2017
🚨︎ report

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