He started pointing them out to me.
"Llama, llama, llama, llama, llama, chameleon."
++++++++++++++++++
I thought of this today while driving and smacked my wheel as I giggled. My girlfriend stared at me, bemused and confused.
I like it. I'm proud of myself.
and not Close Encounters of the Herd Kind?
...cause I ain't afraid of no goats!
Then I started feeling a little down.
... The sign on their pen said their names were Michael and Wayne.
My friends said, "Those names are kind of dumb, I think they could have done better."
A man standing with his two young daughters turned to my friend and said, "Really? They're the Greatest Of All Time."
is out of hand.
So my girlfriend and I went to a petting zoo over the weekend. We were wandering around and watched an encounter with a young boy (probably 2) and a chicken. The boy was was following the chicken around clucking and waving his arms, with his father close behind.
The chicken became curious and darted towards the little boy, with that he screams and runs behind his dad. Without missing a beat, the dad chimes 'Woah, easy there - don't get startled or I'll be chicken your wrist for a pulse'
We made eye contact and I gave him the chuckle he deserved.
Because every time I do, I feel a little down.
She said no, and asked if I had. I told her it tastes like ass.
I'm not a dad yet, but I feel I'm ready for when we do make that choice.
"Man, if you stole anything from here you'd do a lot of time."
"Why?"
"They'd run you up on kidnapping charges!"
Help wanted from r/puns!
I am planning to make my girlfriend a picture calendar for 2015 of some dog/ cat based puns of famous dictators. I'm running short of ideas, and so am turning to Reddit, given their penchant for all things pets and puns.
My ideas so far:
Adolf Kitler
Chairman miaow
Kitty Amin
Ho chi(huahua) Min
Robert Pugabi
Colonel Catdafi
Saddam Hussaint Bernard
Benito Pussolini
Fidel Catstro
I'm looking to Reddit's collective pun power to generate some more ideas. Help me punslingers!
Because they're dead.
Because he was mynewt.
They will always stay by you,even if things get Ruff-Ruff.
So I walked in and asked them....
..... How Dutch is that Moggie in the window!
Now he's aware wolf.
Apparently he doesn't like fast foods
Now he only tells cheep jokes.
He is Polly-Amorous.
Tanksgiving
Credit: my 8 year old. I love her terrible jokes so much
After 10 minutes, our goldfish finally settled down.
It’s considered a foul
The vet said, he was on his last legs.
I'd like to buy an owl.
I said I don’t care what star sign it is
He thought they were Guinness pigs
After that, he was feline better.
He tried everything: rodents, small animals, and even cuts from larger animals, but it wouldn't eat.
As a last resort, he offered a virgin, but still the snake wouldn't eat. So, he called up the village's wise man.
Without hesitation, the wise man put two pieces of bread on the woman, and the snake ate her whole.
When Attila asked why, the wise man responded,
"Thine anaconda don't want nun unless you've got buns, hun!"
The last two are Portuguese.
Apparently, he couldn't do anything, because it was just....
Toucan-fusing.
You buy it from the cat-alogue
Just picked up a Kït Kaát. Now to put it together...
After all, what cat wouldn't want to take his pills if they tasted really mice?
It’s a little fit bunny
A pet store had a bird contest with no perches necessary.
Alrighty Almighty
Take it to a paleoncologist!
" It's a spitting image"
He's a bit of an awkwaardvark.
"you're a-dog-ted"
"What's the best breed for horses like those you'd see in the old west movies," he asks the owner, "my mares are just like that." The owner thinks for a minute, then replies "Dachshund."
The man is surprised, and replies "are you sure about that? I was picturing something bigger that wouldn't get trampled on." The owner nods, and says "Yup, it's just like the movies - if you want your horses to behave, you get a long little doggie."
The clerk replies “It’s a freebie”
I'm gonna get my second one as soon as the waitress comes back.
His dad takes him to an exotic pet store, where they see a big, hairy spider. The father asks how much it costs. “That’s fifty dollars,” the clerk replies.
“Fifty bucks!” the dad exclaims. “Forget that, I’ll just find a cheap one off the web.”
Vet: "I'm sorry, I don't understand. It's toucan fusing."
Can I give him gatorade or does it only work for alligators?
Gonnit
The guy says "This isn't a pet, he's my friend and he can talk."
The bartender is skeptical and demands the guy proves it.
The guy asks the dog "What's the opposite of 'soft'?" The dog replies "Rough!"
The bartender remains skeptical and asks for more proof.
The guy asks the dog "What do people put over the top of their house?" The dog replies "Roof!"
The bartender gets annoyed and gives the guy one more chance.
The guy asks the dog "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time? Babe......" The dog replies "Ruth!"
The bartender is fed up and throws them out. The dog says "Should I have said 'Lou Gehrig?'"
But I’m broke and I hear they come with a huge bill.
Nothing fancy, but it fits the bill.
Yeah. Now he's aware wolf
It’s a little fit bunny.
“It’s a little fit bunny.”
It's a little fit bunny...
