I hope they put the fence back because some of the animals got out.
The zoo tour guide told us that one of the snakes was sick. I blurted out "he must have a reptile dysfunction".
I Scream - aaaarrrhhhhh...
Even better when actually a true story!
It was a shitzu dog joke.
My dad is full of these..
Dad: I went to a dog zoo the other day, it only had one dog.
Me: Really?
Dad: Yeah it was a ShihTzu
I was at the zoo with my girlfriend and we went to the primates area last. When we got there, they had already put the gorillas up and there was a zookeeper in the open-air habitat cleaning it up. I turned to my girlfriend and said, "why is that gorilla wearing clothes?" My girlfriend groaned and the zookeeper shot me the dirtiest look I've ever received in my life.
My family and I were touring a zoo/safari park, and looking for the elevator that would take us down to another area of the park. We were walking near an older couple, and the woman pointed out to her husband that the elevator was just ahead past the mister (there were various places throughout the zoo where a pleasant mist of water helped keep visitors cool). The man responded, without missing a beat, "That's Mister Elevator to you."
My husband and I were at the zoo for our anniversary. We are standing at the otter enclosure and a dad and his daughter walk up. The little girl says, "Oh, that's what is in here." The dad looks at the two of us and says, "It otter be." We all laugh and then he says, "That sure was punny." and laughs some more before walking away.
It was great. She’s a keeper.
....
It was a shitzu.
EDIT: For those who say it's "stolen", i had no idea. A friend of mine told me this one yesterday and i just had to post it. That's it :)
straightaway I knew he was a keeper
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit ➡We couldn't find the reptile in the aquarium. I'm pretty sure the exhibit was empty.
So I said to my son: "Oh look! He's right under there!"
My boy has heard that one a million times already and wasn't taking the bait.
But! - The stranger standing next to us says: "Under where?"
"LOL! - I made you say Underwear"
Dude smiled and groaned. My kid laughed his ass off.
So a while back I had some friends come in from out of town. We went to the zoo and there were 2 pens of zebras. A friend asked why and I said, "Well those ones are white with black stripes and those ones are black with white stripes." I regret nothing.
Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.
What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.
Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.
“Every time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, ‘The good news is..it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.'”
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
“I’ll call you later!”- “Please don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”
Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!
What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.
This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.
“My dad literally told me this one last week: ‘Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.’”
“Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, ‘No, just leave it in the carton!’”
I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.
If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, I’d say: “Wow, that’s coincidental.”
I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.
How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.
“Me: ‘Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: ‘Poof, You’re a sandwich!’”
“I heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there
A steak pun is a rare medium well done.
“How can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.”
Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it
“What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”
The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.
I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: “Don’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: “No, it’s a math problem.”
I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.
I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
... keep reading on reddit ➡Not exactly a dadjoke, but she learned from the best.
So, it was last sunday and we did a family trip to the zoo with the whole family. Now our kids are 3 1/2 and 1/2 and we named them after strong animals, think "Leoni" (the Lioness) and "Falc" (the Falcon), not exactly those names, but you get the gist. We decided about our daughter's name about 4 years ago.
While we were standing at the entrance queue, my wife gently stroked our daughter's hair, lifted up our son, placing a kiss on his forehead, looked at me smiling and said:
"I have been waiting for this so long!"
"Uhm, to stand in line at the zoo?"
"No, honey, to .... take our zoo to the zoo!"
*groan*
So, a few weeks ago, someone posted a pretty long dad joke. Here's mine--it's what my dad would call a "Shaggy dog story".
The dolphin trainers at the zoo were very upset because the dolphins were very ill and getting worse. An animal shaman told them that he could not only cure the dolphins, but make them live forever--all he needed were some young sea gulls. The trainers immediately set off to find some young sea gulls.
While looking for the gulls, a lion at the zoo escaped. The trainers didn't care--they had to save the dolphins. They found their gulls and were making there way back to the dolphin enclosure when they came across the lion. Fortunately, it was dead asleep, having been hit with a tranquilizer dart--but it was right in the middle of the path. So, they carefully stepped across it, and were immediately arrested. The crime? Transporting young gulls across state lions for immortal porpoises.
He passed away waiting to get his picture taken
True story, he was known for rapid firing bad jokes. He had the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Milwaukee Zoo. I think it was the best way he could have gone, pulling one last joke over on all of us. Figured you all should know some people are really committed to the r/dadjoke lifestyle
There was a zoo employee holding a polar bear foot for children to touch. As he pushed the stroller past, my husband paused, leaned towards him, and said, "aren't you chilly? You have bear feet!"
Then he grinned and laughed. I wasn't quite close enough to hear the setup, so he even got to repeat the joke for me.
It's a Shitzu.
I normally telegraph my jokes, but this one was totally natural... Talking to my wife about my sister's upcoming trip to DisneyWorld and how they were going in May...
Wife..."have talked to your sister about crowds because of the opening of Pandora at Animal Kingdom?"
"Yeh, they are going down opening weekend, but skipping Animal Kingdom completely, I bet it's going to be a real zoo there..."
Edit
Obligatory eye roll and groan.
"Holy crap, I didn't even do that on purpose!"
I'm a dad and I like telling it, so I guess that's qualification enough. I heard this joke about 26 years ago, and I still laugh at it. Slightly long, so don't hate me.
A guy that lives alone decided that he wanted to get a pet. He went to a pet store in his city to see what was available. The man tells the associate at the store that he wants a pet, but he doesn't want an "ordinary" pet like a cat or dog, he wants something unique. The associate asks the man if he by chance has a swimming pool at his house, and the man replies that he indeed does have a pool. The associate says, "Great! I've got just the pet for you. Actually it is two pets -- two beautiful porpoises. And these aren't ordinary porpoises, either. They will never die, but there is one small catch. To keep them alive, once a year at noon on July 1, you have to feed each one of them an immature sea gull, before the birds have learned to fly." The associate tells the man that he shouldn't worry about the annual feeding, though, because the associate will always make sure he has two birds available for the man every year on July 1.
The man buys the pets, fills his swimming pool with salt water, and really enjoys the companionship of the porpoises throughout the year. On June 30, the man calls the pet store to make sure the two birds are available, and sure enough they are. The next day, he goes to the pet store at 10 a.m. to purchase the birds, and while he is inside the store he hears a lot of commotion coming from just outside the store. He goes to the front of the store to see what's going on outside, and he finds that there is a huge, ferocious lion trying to get into the store through the front door. Luckily, the door swings outward from the store, so the lion can't get it open. The police call the store associate to tell him what has happened. The main attraction (the lion) from the state zoo just up the road from the store had escaped, and the lion could sense all the small animals that were inside the pet store, so he was trying to get into the store to eat them. The police are waiting for the zoo's lion tamer to show up and get the animal back into captivity.
Meanwhile, the man who was at the store to buy the birds to feed to his pets was getting really anxious. He was trapped inside the store, there was no other exit, and the time was quickly approaching noon. The associate reminded the man that he absolutely had to feed his pets at precisely noon, otherwise th
... keep reading on reddit ➡A while back, my boyfriend and I drove down to his parents' house to go to the airport the next morning (it's about 3 hours from us, and they live near it).
About 5 o'clock the next morning, boyfriend, his father, and myself were all on our way to the airport (his dad was driving, dropping us off, we were both in the backseat), and we pass a billboard. It had pictures of dinosaurs all over it, and was advertising an animatronic dinosaur exhibit at the local zoo. BF's dad looks at it, chuckles and says "Must be an OLD sign." And then he laughs, and laughs, and laughs.. all to himself up there.
The best/worst part of this is that on the way to their house the day before, we passed that same billboard. Boyfriend made the same, exact joke. Looking at his dad is like looking into his future.
This morning my friend and I were exchanging conversation about what our dad's usually do to prank us on April 1st. My dad always calls and says he was in a horrible car accident and broke a limb. It's never funny, but he laughs and laughs so I go with it. My friends Dad however is a classic Dad-joke type of Dad. This year, my friend tells me: >Friend: My dad said Mr. Lion called for me
>Me: Mr. Lion eh?
>Friend: Yea he gave me a number to call, but I haven't called it yet.
>Me: I'll call!
I get the number from him, and the automated message service for the San Diego Zoo clicks on. It's pun-tastic, a fun, and non aggravating April Fools joke.
"[5/27/15, 12:58:38 PM] Steve: best dad joke ever... a guy goes to the zoo. there is only a single small dog. It was a shitzu"
A police officer, while out on patrol, pulls a brand new sports car over for speeding. He walks up to the car and sees a large, dirty pig in the passenger seat. The cop says to the guy driving "Why do you have a huge, filthy pig in this brand new car?" The guy says to the officer, "I don't know what to do. My father just closed his farm and sold the land, and gave me his prized pig. His farm was the last in the county, and I live in a small house. I have no idea what to do with this pig!" The officer then says to the guy, "Well, take him to the zoo!" The guys eyes brighten and thanks the officer for the brilliant idea. The officer lets the guy go, and off they drive to the zoo. A week later the same police officer is on patrol when he sees the same new sports car. He pulls the car over and walks up to it only to see the same pig in the passenger seat. "What are you doing?" says the officer, "I thought I told you to take that pig to the zoo!" "I did," says the guy, "and he had so much fun, I am taking him to the movies."
That was one of the two jokes my dad told me all the time when I was a kid.
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit ➡When I asked the keeper why, he said, "It was bread in captivity!"
The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity.
It's a shitzu.
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn
... keep reading on reddit ➡It was a shih tzu.
