What do you call an award-winning potato snack?
When it comes to winning elections...
Either Biden your time or be Trumped.
I was in a cat competition that wasn't like your typical competition. They had a category for cat butts, which I ended up winning...
But it was just a cat-ass-trophy
My wife took off her shirt and bra during an argument where I was winning
I keep winning the "Laziest Member" award at my gym.
Winning a German sausage eating contest is all about your mind set
You hope for the best, but prepare for the wurst
TIL that academy award winning actor Bruce Dern was originally a train engineer.
*Me every time we pass a cow pasture* “Did you know those are award winning cows?”
They’re out standing in their field
I was winning in a staring contest once...
and it was all taken away in the blink of an eye.
I am helping a gold-medal winning sprinter acheive the highest level of spiritual awareness.
...I feel like The Flash, because I too, am enlightening Bolt.
Can you name 3 places in Scotland that are also the names of Grand Prix winning racing drivers?
-
(Lewis) Hamilton
-
Stirling (Moss)
-
Ayr Town Centre!!!
What takes less effort than winning a race by three feet?
God finally answered my prayer for winning the $10 million lottery.
What was the prize the baker won for winning the bread contest?
What smells worse than winning?
Did you hear about the butter that was having a winning streak?
I used to illegally give weed to my prize winning cows, but unfortunately I had to stop.
After winning the game I decided to throw the ball into the crowd like they do on TV.
Apparently, that's unacceptable in bowling.
transformers stay winning
If being cool was an act of terrorism then I'd be winning the Nobel Peace prize
I want to start a championship winning hide-and-seek team...
... But good players are hard to find.
Did you hear about the award winning farmer?
He was out-standing in his field.
I forgot that I had stashed a small rounded bread from dinner in my back pocket when I sat down at the roulette table... I immediately started winning!
Why are there no winning race car drivers from Switzerland?
They're always in neutral.
P.S. Made a joke similar to this about a coworker who is runner from Switzerland. He actually groaned.
*ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED*
This week’s winning lottery numbers are 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9.
I mean, what are the odds?
Congratulations to director Domee Shee and her Pixar crew for winning Best Animated Short at the Oscars!
Well deserved. Take a Bao.
A rodent has dreams of winning American Idol. His father says
The secret to winning a pun contest is to stuff your shoes with underwear before the contest.
Seems to be working as I'm undie-feeted.
There once was a farm, famed for the high quality of product from the award winning cows, many spoke of it in hushed, respectful tones, but none could say where it was, and many claimed, but none could prove that they had been there.
My friend started winning at poker after he was more patient and folded less...
He became a better bettor.
My friend recently got t-boned in his new car after winning the lottery. I asked him if he was a glass half full or glass half empty type of guy. He responded
Medium-well.
Edit: over-medium is for eggs
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
Ken, a master martial artist, was worried about winning his next fight. He asked his friend Ryu, "Do you think I can win this fight?" Ryu confidently responded:
What does a russian do when he is winning in soccer and there is 5 minutes left in the game?
So the Atlantic and Pacific oceans were arm wrestling. At first the Pacific was winning, but then the Atlantic started to gain the upper hand.
You could say the tides have turned.
Ill be here all night folks.
What did the Aussie say to the waiter after winning his chess match?
Did you hear the one about the game winning Super Bowl LIII touchdown?
I saw a billboard that said my hospital had award winning stroke care
I found that statement to be one-sided
The key to winning in Battle Royale games is the element
My brother's farm is full of award winning cows.
They're all outstanding in their field.
I won the lottery and spent all my winnings on 17th century paintings and classical instruments
In honor of J.K. Simmons winning his Oscar for Whiplash...
I made a joke about Captain Hook finally winning, but it flopped
Apparently some people don't like dead pan humor
This condor made the game winning shot
What kind of a victory dance did Trump do after winning the election??
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