Are ya winning son?
Yeah dad I'm winning.
Hi winning...
please no.
I M D A D
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︎ Feb 03 2021
A big cat was spotted winning every race he ran.
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︎ Dec 26 2020
Whatβs the opposite of winning hands down?
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︎ Dec 22 2020
What do you call an award-winning potato snack?
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︎ Nov 05 2020
My wife took off her shirt and bra during an argument where I was winning
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︎ Jun 27 2020
When it comes to winning elections...
Either Biden your time or be Trumped.
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︎ Nov 03 2020
I was in a cat competition that wasn't like your typical competition. They had a category for cat butts, which I ended up winning...
But it was just a cat-ass-trophy
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︎ Oct 16 2020
I keep winning the "Laziest Member" award at my gym.
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︎ Aug 26 2020
Winning a German sausage eating contest is all about your mind set
You hope for the best, but prepare for the wurst
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︎ Aug 15 2020
TIL that academy award winning actor Bruce Dern was originally a train engineer.
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︎ Aug 21 2020
*Me every time we pass a cow pasture* βDid you know those are award winning cows?β
Theyβre out standing in their field
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︎ Jul 14 2020
I was winning in a staring contest once...
and it was all taken away in the blink of an eye.
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︎ Apr 19 2020
I am helping a gold-medal winning sprinter acheive the highest level of spiritual awareness.
...I feel like The Flash, because I too, am enlightening Bolt.
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︎ May 27 2020
God finally answered my prayer for winning the $10 million lottery.
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︎ Dec 03 2019
Can you name 3 places in Scotland that are also the names of Grand Prix winning racing drivers?
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(Lewis) Hamilton
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Stirling (Moss)
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Ayr Town Centre!!!
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︎ May 18 2020
What takes less effort than winning a race by three feet?
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︎ Apr 28 2020
What was the prize the baker won for winning the bread contest?
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︎ Feb 02 2020
What smells worse than winning?
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︎ Feb 19 2020
Did you hear about the butter that was having a winning streak?
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︎ Dec 15 2019
I used to illegally give weed to my prize winning cows, but unfortunately I had to stop.
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︎ Aug 17 2019
transformers stay winning
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︎ Sep 07 2019
If being cool was an act of terrorism then I'd be winning the Nobel Peace prize
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︎ Oct 11 2019
After winning the game I decided to throw the ball into the crowd like they do on TV.
Apparently, that's unacceptable in bowling.
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︎ Dec 03 2019
I want to start a championship winning hide-and-seek team...
... But good players are hard to find.
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︎ Aug 03 2019
Did you hear about the award winning farmer?
He was out-standing in his field.
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︎ Oct 06 2019
I forgot that I had stashed a small rounded bread from dinner in my back pocket when I sat down at the roulette table... I immediately started winning!
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︎ Sep 05 2019
This weekβs winning lottery numbers are 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9.
I mean, what are the odds?
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︎ Sep 02 2018
Why are there no winning race car drivers from Switzerland?
They're always in neutral.
P.S. Made a joke similar to this about a coworker who is runner from Switzerland. He actually groaned.
*ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED*
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︎ Jul 30 2019
Congratulations to director Domee Shee and her Pixar crew for winning Best Animated Short at the Oscars!
Well deserved. Take a Bao.
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︎ Mar 05 2019
A rodent has dreams of winning American Idol. His father says
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︎ Feb 19 2019
The secret to winning a pun contest is to stuff your shoes with underwear before the contest.
Seems to be working as I'm undie-feeted.
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︎ Jan 08 2019
There once was a farm, famed for the high quality of product from the award winning cows, many spoke of it in hushed, respectful tones, but none could say where it was, and many claimed, but none could prove that they had been there.
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︎ Feb 04 2019
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
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︎ Sep 26 2018
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︎ Sep 28 2018
My friend started winning at poker after he was more patient and folded less...
He became a better bettor.
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︎ Jun 29 2019
My friend recently got t-boned in his new car after winning the lottery. I asked him if he was a glass half full or glass half empty type of guy. He responded
Medium-well.
Edit: over-medium is for eggs
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︎ May 27 2019
Ken, a master martial artist, was worried about winning his next fight. He asked his friend Ryu, "Do you think I can win this fight?" Ryu confidently responded:
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︎ Oct 16 2018
What does a russian do when he is winning in soccer and there is 5 minutes left in the game?
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︎ Jan 09 2019
So the Atlantic and Pacific oceans were arm wrestling. At first the Pacific was winning, but then the Atlantic started to gain the upper hand.
You could say the tides have turned.
Ill be here all night folks.
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︎ Oct 04 2018
What did the Aussie say to the waiter after winning his chess match?
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︎ Feb 09 2019
Did you hear the one about the game winning Super Bowl LIII touchdown?
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︎ Feb 03 2019
The key to winning in Battle Royale games is the element
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︎ Sep 25 2018
I saw a billboard that said my hospital had award winning stroke care
I found that statement to be one-sided
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︎ Jan 03 2019
My brother's farm is full of award winning cows.
They're all outstanding in their field.
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︎ Jun 19 2018
I won the lottery and spent all my winnings on 17th century paintings and classical instruments
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︎ Oct 25 2017
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