What did the cloud get for finishing in fourth place?

A precipitation award.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bacon_boy_away
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife says I’m terrible at finishing things after I’ve started them.

I don’t know what

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πŸ‘€︎ u/saucyminnow
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
🚨︎ report
BR EAK ING NE WS....'Bill Gates has agreed to pay for the finishing of Trumps Wall."

(on the condition he gets to install Windows in it)

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
After finishing my meal, the waiter gave me the desert menu.

"Can I ask you something?" I said.

"Certainly," he replied.

I said, "Why did you just eat my food?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Me with my friend in a restaurant after finishing food

Waiter asking me how would you like to pay sir? Cash or Card!

Me looking at my friend: PayPal

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sbbk100
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
With all that's going on, I told my dad that finishing my degree in astrophysics may not be the kind of science the world needs right now.

He looked away from the TV long enough to say, "Black holes matter."

Sigh... "Yeah, Dad. They are."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lostehmost
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the artist say after finishing his huge picture sculptured of stone?

What a big relief.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mau_lene
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Apparently I have an issue with finishing of my sentences

You can't say much when you've been to prison twice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iseethrough1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a bad habit of not finishing things
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PdawgUltimate
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
🚨︎ report
A sculptor was finishing a statue

As soon as he finished it he accidentally knocked it over and it broke clean at the shoulders. The sculptor picks up the head looks and it and says, well looks like this one is a bust.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pepper2619
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Man, wait till you hear what my finishing move was at the Battleship competition!

I One

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xevetv
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I finally got around to finishing that book about clocks.

It was about time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Unexpected Dad joke during basement finishing sales training

Student: "Can you address outlets?" Trainer: (turns chair towards wall) "Hello outlets."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NKHdad
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2016
🚨︎ report
Why were the cooks so stressed about finishing their dish?

They were running out of thyme.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nyctophobiac19
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
After finishing making the first map of the world, the guy exclaimed...

"Atlas"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MEraser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I have trouble finishing in bed,

so i normally just swedish.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/senoto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
At a restaurant, right after finishing my steak dinner. Waiter: So how did you find the steak, sir?

Me: Very easily. It was right next to the potatoes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Like a lot of people, I had a hard time deciding on what to do after finishing school.

After some thought, I decided to go home.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My doctor told me that I have a really hard time finishing what I
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MattGibsonBass
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the real estate agent who attended finishing school?

She now shows her manors.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/regcrusher
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was the alligator sad after finishing lunch?

He had a few egrets.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bearinthegarden14
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
🚨︎ report
How many arrays do you give a software engineer for finishing a feature?

Hip Hip Array! Hip Hip Array! Hip Hip Array!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rine117
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Last night I was finishing up pressure washing my driveway and one neighbor dad drove by and said β€œlookin’ good, great practice for when you do mine this weekend”, and then turned to his wife in the passenger seat laughing hysterically as she looked at him with a blank stare.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sheptown
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
🚨︎ report
I put the dumbbells on the rack after finishing a set of squats.

It was a big weight off my shoulders.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
🚨︎ report
To all the people on this sub who, like me, have trouble finishing what they start, I say...
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
🚨︎ report
After finishing college, I went to study overseas.

I have a Masters in Oceanography.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Which dinosaur never procrastinates before finishing its chores?

The Prontosaurus.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2018
🚨︎ report
We were finishing up dinner on the deck tonight

and I told my boys to get ready, there was a 100% chance of son showers.

They both looked up the clear sky and told me I was wrong. Naive boys...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The1hangingchad
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2018
🚨︎ report
finishing milk

> wife: finish your milk > > daughter: do i have to? > > me: no you have one cup, but you must finish it

no one pays attention to me, so i just laugh by myself, but it was a good laugh, a good good laugh

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yeahcheers
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2014
🚨︎ report
After finishing Christmas dinner

My daughter is now eating the left over gravy from the jug with a spoon. Mrs points out how much she's eaten, to which I replied... "If we were to crash on the way over to granddads later and she needed a blood transfusion, they'd need to use type Beeef Positive!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/helin0x
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2016
🚨︎ report
Finishing dinner with my Dad...

... He didn't finish all of his food

Waiter: "Do you want a box for your meal?"

Dad: "No, I'd rather wrestle, boxing is too violent"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Commanda_Panda
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2015
🚨︎ report
Finishing up dinner at a restaurant when the waitress walks over...

She looks at my dads leftovers and asks "wanna box?"

My dad doesn't miss a beat and replies "No, but do you wanna wrestle?"

He learned from the best, and I am following in his footsteps.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dontbthatguy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2015
🚨︎ report
Finishing up bathtime for my daughter...

Wife: We need a new towel Me: Okay, I'll get out the sewing machine Wife: <Rolls eyes and sighs>

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/not_you_but_me
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2014
🚨︎ report
After finishing my meal, the waiter gave me the dessert menu.

I said, "Why did you just eat my food ?"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report

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