My family used to own a farm with prize winning animals

The cows were udderly awesome.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gherkinstein
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
🚨︎ report
What was the prize the baker won for winning the bread contest?

A Dough-gree

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ursppachulli
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to illegally give weed to my prize winning cows, but unfortunately I had to stop.

The steaks were too high

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Eltothebee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
If being cool was an act of terrorism then I'd be winning the Nobel Peace prize
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crispybacon62
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
If I ever win a big monetary prize or inheritance, I'll change my last name to Bates.

My butler won't be amused though.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DKS13G
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Who was the 1st person to win the Nobel Prize?

Same person who invented the Door Knock...

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Flash_Dimension
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
🚨︎ report
My son was lamenting that he couldn't remember what the Ukrainian watercourse Uchan-su is and didn't win a prize...

I replied, "oh, Crimea river!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Who ever stops the extended warranty calls should win a prize.

I'm calling it The No-Bell Peace Prize.

Idc if you steal this I just thought of it while making lunch and I got another one of them.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Barlark88
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the scarecrow win a Nobel prize?

He was out standing in his field.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TrayLaTrash
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the corn farmer win the Nobel Peace Prize?

For his dedication to world hominy

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thegreatjamoco
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What prize did the bodybuilder win when the lockdown was lifted

Atrophy

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gambit454
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Which professor was good enough to win the Nobel Prize in Chemistry in 2019?
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/isaacides
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
When I win the nobel prize, this will be my speech:

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side; my hips, for never lying; my legs, for always supporting me; my fingers and toes, for I can always count on them

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dray_son
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? He wanted to win the No-bell prize!
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RubinKhadka
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I submitted 10 of my dad jokes to a joke writing contest to see if maybe one of them would win a prize...

No pun in ten did.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/webguy1975
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the farmer win a Nobel Prize?

Because he stole it from the physicist he just brutally killed with a shovel.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sthymia20
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the scientist remove his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no bell prize.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThusSpokeGaba
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2021
🚨︎ report
I entered a dad joke competition for a $1000 prize, but I didn't win.

A grand dad joke won.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Notherereally
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2017
🚨︎ report
A Scotsman visits his doctor. He pulls his kilt up and says doctor you have to help me I'm going crazy

The doctor says I can clearly see your nuts

πŸ‘︎ 92
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrjaxson1111
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
/r/puns best of 2020 nomination thread!

Edit: Winner:- https://www.reddit.com/r/puns/comments/knrrk1/rpuns_best_of_2020_nomination_thread/ghx6xyy

Welcome to /r/puns bestof 2020 nomination thread! A chance to win reddit premium.

Comment below the links of posts/comments that were exceptional.

  • Post/comment must have been made in the year 2020.

  • Anybody can nominate.

  • One person can nominate maximum of 1 post or comment.

Prizes:

1 month reddit premium (no ads on your feed) and access to the reddit lounge to the exceptional post/comment.

Note: The person who nominates will also get award if the post they nominate is good. (Very likely you will get it :)

All the best!!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shampoo_and_dick
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I entered a pun contest once

You had to send in your best puns, via snail mail, in an orderly list. I sent ten in, thinking at least one would win me a prize, but no pun in ten did.

πŸ‘︎ 296
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AcidBathVampire
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Request - Fencing/Christmas Related Pun

We need a team name for a Christmas fencing competition. The best name wins a prize, and should hopefully be funny.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FakeSalsa
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2017
🚨︎ report
Nihilist Dad Jokes

Why did the scarecrow win a prize? Because he stood alone in his field! He stood there for years, rotting, until he was forgotten.

I tell my kids, you’re allowed to watch the TV all you want… Just don’t turn it on! This way they will begin to understand the futility of all things.

How does a penguin build a house? Igloos it together. Like all animals, it is an automaton, driven by blind genetic imperative, marching slowly to oblivion.

Why don’t skeletons go trick or treating? They have no body to go with them! The skeletons are like us: alone, empty, dead already.

I don’t really like playing soccer. I just do it for kicks! Like all of humanity, I pretend to enjoy things, and others pretend to care about my charade.

You hear about the moon restaurant? Good food, no atmosphere! If you eat there, you forfeit your life, which would make no difference to the universe as a whole.

Why did the blonde focus on an orange juice container? It said concentrate! She realized that society’s depictions of her were like the juice: formulaic, insipid, fake.

My wife told me to put the cat out. I didn’t know it was on fire! By the time I could act, it was incinerated, a harbinger of the path we all must take.

How come the invisible man wasn’t offered a job? They just couldn’t see him doing it! This man stands for all of us: unseen, misunderstood, irrelevant.

Today I gave away my old batteries… Free of charge! No one wanted them, so I became angry and threw them in the yard. The battery acid now leaks into the soil, killing a colony of ants. A sparrow eats their bodies and is poisoned. Somewhere in the Serengeti, a lion devours his rival’s cubs. Then the lion is shot by a poacher and sold to an unloved rich man whose father was an unloved rich man. In five billion years, the Sun will become a bloated giant, boiling the oceans and consuming our pointless cruelties with flames. I wake sweat-drenched and screaming, staring at the visage of a faceless god. β€œWHAT HAVE I DONE?! HOW COULD I BRING A CHILD INTO THIS WORLD!?” But this god, like all gods, is nothingβ€”just my son’s Wilson baseball mitt, sitting on my dresser, mocking me.

Will February March? No, but April May! Soon we become ash, and time forgets us.

Source: https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/nihilist-dad-jokes

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vorschlaghammer
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I recently entered a competition sponsored by the Astrological society.

I didn't come first, but I did win the constellation prize.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stw303
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2018
🚨︎ report
The scientist who comes up with the perfect diet plan to lose weight

Should win the Nobelly Prize.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Breaking News - Man born without stomach...

...wins Nobelly Prize

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2017
🚨︎ report
Christina Aguilera and her boyfriend were in college...

Christina Aguilera and her boyfriend were in college. Now, Christina likes men with lots of testosterone, and her boyfriend was no exception, but the downside was, he was already losing his hair. "I would do something about it," he'd say, "but I don't know how much it would cost." One weekend they went to a student fair, and one of the campus groups was holding a couples' spelling contest. They were offering all kinds of gag items as prizes; condoms, jock straps, training bras, that sort of thing. The top prize for the winning guy was a hairpiece, valued at $100. So Christina helpfully suggested to her boyfriend, "If you won a bee with me, baby, there's a priced toupΓ©e!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/romulusnr
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2014
🚨︎ report
So in regards to what happened between Drake and Josh....

Josh definitely has a chance at winning the "no Bell" prize this year

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bassplayer93
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the person who invented the door knocker?

They won the Nobel prize.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oeco123
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the corn farmer win a Nobel Peace Prize?

Because of his dedication to world hominy.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thegreatjamoco
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel prize?

He was outstanding in his field

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GamerGirlUrine
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
🚨︎ report
You don’t have to be great to win a Nobel Prize.

You just have to be Goodenough!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rajuvrma
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the scarecrow win the prize?

He was out standing in his field

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/atollblaster
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the cow win a Nobel prize?

He was outstanding in his field

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CurlRackington
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize?

For being outstanding in his field

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Texas_OT
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the scarecrow win a Nobel prize?

For being outstanding in his field

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/badbatch
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2017
🚨︎ report
Why did the scarecrow win a Nobel prize?

Because it was out standing in its field.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FenixSword
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2018
🚨︎ report
To the man who invented the door knocker

I hope you win a Nobel prize

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lsharpe23
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
The guy who invented the knock knock joke...

Should win a no-bell prize

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 77
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Brand new star sign

I didn't win the competition to name a new star sign, but I was awarded a constellation prize.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBearDidLady
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the scientist installed a knocker?

Why did he installed a knocker on his door? he want to win the no-bell prize

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
🚨︎ report
My son was freaking out because he couldn't find his belt to wear to school

To console him, I suggested that perhaps he might win the No Belt prize.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ToynbeeDoob
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.