Whereas Puns

It's a Thor subject for them.

.."Trick or Treatment"

I guess we are raised differently.

Seoul Food

...whereas torque is cheap.

Iron Man is a superhero whereas Iron Woman is an order.

P.S : Sorry if I offended you

People from Dubai don't like the Flintstones, whereas people from Abu Dabi do.

"How do they make Budweiser?" "Well, Budweiser is made partly from rice and uses forced carbonation, whereas most craft beer is made from barley and the carbonation comes from bottle conditioning." "No. They send him to school."

Note: Quality Very Varying (I see what I did there) and sometimes subject to specialist knowledge. So I apologise in advance. Shame me with your better puns.

While I was languishing in the Language Centre, doing some semantics antics and considering how all the other linguistics students despised and derided me, I was accosted by a stout man with large glasses who made me a preposition. It was that I should collect terrible puns, to do with linguistics, in order to ingratiate myself yet further with the other linguistics students (including even the phonetics fanatics).

I'm struggling to think of a pun to do with grammaticality that both makes sense and "Is grandma tickly?" correct. I'm also stuck on 'morphologician'. (I'm not actually sure that's a particularly logical word for the subject, though I guess that's more for, er, more for a logician to worry about.)

The problem I have with writing about phonological variation is that one is constantly forced to choose between being fun or logical - very Asian!I always get in trouble with electricians, they think I'm calling them a 'dialectician' whereas in fact I'm just saying "Die, electrician."

I like pscycholinguistics – the only department of linguistics where it’s acceptable to wear a cycle helmet. My Australian accent is terrible but I like to think my Sath Efrican one is predicate. My favourite accent is Received Pronunciation, because it is the accent chiefly used by invisible Japanese people who are ordered online. When the first recipient of an invisible Japanese person got the parcel, they wrote a complaint saying "Received but can't see Asian" and the name stuck.

Why did the speakers whose native languages weren't English, but whose only shared language was English, but they weren't very good at it and kept on having to stop to think about it, stop talking to one another? They came to an agreement. (Get it? If not, write your answer on a pastecard and paste it to the below address.)

What did the 'a' say to the 'the'? "You definitely are ticklish, 'the'!"

Why was the small man eaten by the large bear, which was proportionately bigger than him? It had, er, relative claws.

I think the reason there are so many speakers of Russian is because they all partake in an activity called "copulae shun". (Ok, ok, I know, that was Pushkin it.)

I know a man called Hillary who can, might, should, did, must, shall and will ride an ox. We call him "Ox Hillary".

I always think the verb 'to be' in the senten

I was out shopping with my dad looking to buy a wedding gift. While I'm waiting in line to make my purchase, a woman set down her purchase (about twenty binders) next to my gift on the conveyer belt. Naturally my dad questioned her bizarre purchase, to which she responded that she desperately need to organize her documents. Without missing a beat, he grinned and exclaimed, "Well I guess you were in quite a bind!"

The lady actually had quite a laugh, whereas I groaned and grumbled.

We were in class and my friend saw my eraser on the desk. He then takes out his own eraser.

Friend: Look at your eraser, so dirty and old whereas mine is so clean and pure.

Me: Don't be e-racist

Friend: ...

I was so happy that day.

I guess we were raised differently.