The beam over the stairs in my house is a bit low, so I put up an appropriate warning sign. [yes, I'm a dad]
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👤︎ u/zeronine
📅︎ Oct 11 2013
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What did the metaphysical highway sign say to warn drivers about wintry driving conditions?

Bridges may be, icy.

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👤︎ u/pippingigi
📅︎ Jul 21 2020
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Why do the neighborhood signs warn me of the slow children at play?

Do I need to watch out because they are mentally slow? If they were just playing slowly, you would think they would see me coming and no sign would be needed.

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👤︎ u/chmcarro
📅︎ Jul 27 2015
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Most great inventions are discovered by accident

My favorite is the warning sign

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📅︎ Nov 23 2018
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I just got pulled over by cop

He claimed I didn't stop at a stop sign. He heard me listening to Michael Jackson's PYT. He gave me a big cheesy grin said, "Sure you're not listening to Don't Stop til you get enough?"

After he gave me the warning he suggested I "Beat it".

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📅︎ Oct 14 2018
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Bacon Puns

Why didn’t the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!


Whats green and smells like bacon?  Kermit the Frog’s finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?


Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.


Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu?  Kevin Bacon


If you can’t get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries


Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? A1: Frankenswine A2: Hamlet Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.


Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.


What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.


Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon. What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.


What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.


How do they get up there? In pigup trucks. What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.


What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.


What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you’re bacon my heart melt.


What are they warned to watch out for? Pigpockets.


First Carter Page and now Betsy DeVos. Trump’s cabinet is like a game of six degrees of Kevin Bacon except with Russia.


Everything must be wrapped in bacon, including bacon.


If Kevin Bacon doesn’t whisper “Here comes the Baconator” before he has sex all my faith in humanity is lost


I’ll acknowledge Canada Day when they finally acknowledge that’s not bacon


If Donald Trump really KNOWS the average WORKER then where are the pics of Trump hungover in 7-Eleven buying bacon in sweat pants?


This guy ordered a vegetarian sandwich and then added bacon. It was like watching someone have a mid-life crisis and then find a cool hobby.


If we don’t build a wall on our northern border, they’ll soon be maple syrup & Canadian bacon trucks on every corner.


I signed an Executive Order to make Saturday morning bacon and eggs and pancakes with triple butter and syrup non-fattening.


My bedroom smells like maple, bacon and beaver…because I’m Canadian.


When the waitress calls you Babycakes you know you’re getting extr

... keep reading on reddit ➡

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👤︎ u/Punsville
📅︎ May 27 2017
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God dammit dad, we're already late.

On bridges in Michigan, there are signs warning motorists of ice that forms over them during the winter months.

When I was a kid, I was riding in the car with my dad one hot summer day. my dad says, "boy is it hot..." as he pulls over on the bridge, unhooks his wristwatch and sticks it out the window. I ask, "what are you doing, dad?" And he says, "didn't you see the sign? 'Watch for ice on bridge'!"

He laughed for a good five minutes as he drove off.

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👤︎ u/Jay-El
📅︎ Oct 13 2013
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