Cop: "Do you think I am stupid ? I can see you through the window."
Mee: "You are not coming in."
Cop: "I don't want to come in. I want you to step out of your car !!"
The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?
He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
They're seasoned veterans
“I play a little guitar!"
Were these people born in a Barnes and Noble or something?
..and realized it was just a Fanta sea.
Mentos
"Hey buddy, quit fishing for compliments!"
This one popped in my head out of nowhere.
The Quaranteens
Trick question — there's no such thing as a fronco.
"That's me in the corner."
That's where I draw the line.
I am getting sick and tired of these cold calls.
It was quite the amazing trick.
The Jamaican man replies he just wanted to poke a mon.
..She always had little patients.
And then someone commented "They must've thought you were a-Dora-ble.
It was a big mist-stake.
is this a dad joke? No, son, its not. he replied. Can we stop it with all the sex jokes please? they aren't dad jokes and probably belong in plain old /r/jokes.
Sorry for the anti joke here, but its really getting old.
It’s a wife or deaf situation
Credit for idea: https://www.reddit.com/r/dadjokes/comments/l5550w/my_girlfriend_says_if_we_dont_get_married_soon/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
On each side of my buckin head you buckin idiot!!
I guess the vision for the future is getting worse.
Or i'll catch you red-handed
Bubble gum
"See ya later said the blind man!"
I've done that, but what do I do with the letter.
The most important Dad at the annual neighborhood end of Summer barbeque bash!
He said "I'm blue, dab a D, dab a dye".
I told her Michael Boob-lay
She wasn’t as sad anymore (or much sadder since she realized how dumb the person she’s dating is). Happy new year everybody
2021
it's NESessary
...had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces...
The bartender says, “Hey! Aren’t you the rope that I just threw out?”
The rope replied, “No. I’m a frayed knot.”
Ahh. I get it. It’s a viscous cycle.
My cat kneads me!
…IT hit me.
Eventually she came around.
Why are lamb chops a thing? Why do we have a food named after a baby animal?
Would you ever eat something called puppy steak? Or kitten burger? Or chick fillet?
oh wait.........
Credit goes to Matt from Studio C
I find it really hard to pull it off.
