Text message conversation with my dad the other day, where I out-dadded him.
Dad: Give me your best knock knock joke. Or jokes. Do it when you can no rush.
Me: Does it have to be a knock knock joke or can it be any joke?
Dad: Knock Knock.
Me: Who’s there?
I told my son NOT to download any microbiology text books.
He just did and now we have like 40 viruses on our computer.
Found on a text chain with my grandpa
My wife sent me a heartwarming text that read, “If you're sleeping, send me your dreams. If you're laughing, send me your smile. If you're eating, send me a bite. If you're drinking, send me a sip. If you're crying, send me your tears. I love you!”
I replied, “I'm on the toilet, please advise…”
I just had a text conversation with my daughter...
She was sitting in the car at the mall while her mother shopped. I was sitting inside the mall but outside the shop waiting and wishing I was dead.
Daughter: How much longer, I have to pee.
Me: I have no idea. You'd better come inside, if you don't, urine trouble.
Daughter: You're an idiot.
I tried to order a table from IKEA, but I misplaced an umlaut in my search text. I got a couch instead.
Every time my dad goes to the eye doctor, they ask him to read the smallest text on the chart out loud.
He says, "Printed in China."
This is a true story lol.
Hey I just read your text
Do you still want to hang out last week?
I have a friend that's scared of text in capslock, one day a guy sent him a full caps text
I can't belive how bold he was
My dad is going through heart failure, and the first text that I get from him after sending him a card says:
“No more corny jokes, now just corn-orary jokes”
I’m glad he still has his sense of humor through these tough times
Landed this in a text message thread to my SO
SO (at the market) : What kind of coffee beans do you want?
Me: Anything that doesn't say dark roast
SO: OMG! Hold the phone, I may have found something amazing!
Me: Fun fact, I am already holding the phone.
My wife went to get a pedicure with her mother. She sent me a text saying that they have an exfoliating, foot scrub that has CBD/Hemp oil in it and she was going to try it out...I replied “baby, do you realize that you left the house with slippers on...
But you are coming back with high heels”. Her mom sent me a text asking me what I said that made my wife throw her phone in to her lap and groan aloud. Mission accomplished haha
When I get texts from numbers I don't know.
https://imgur.com/a/x1d2zdx
A friend sent me a text apologizing for the atrocious grammatical errors in his last message. I told him not to worry
When I text my dad, he calls me instead of texting back.
My friend asked me how the text-to-speech feature works on his phone, but I didn't bother explaining it to him.
What to text when you're not going to be on time...
You have $400, your daughter text she needs $200, and your son text he needs $150. How much do you have left?
Me: $400 and 2 unread messages.
I work at a vet and my dad texts me this:
What did the drug addict text his girlfriend?
You thought other puns were bad? wait until you (sorry I dunno how to add text to images and i'm new to reddit)
5 hour pun battle with my dad over text
My 15 year old sent a text asking me to pick him up from school and added "not in your pyjamas".
So I'm wearing his, because good dads listen.
I like jokes that make fun of accents. You like jokes that don't work in text form.
What crime do you commit when you throw a text book?
Broke up with my girlfriend Ruth via text this morning.
What did Rudolph text Santa?
Nothing, he just left him on red.
When the text turns gray it means you’ve
My wife was having a stressful day at work and just sent me a text "I'm losing my mind!"
I texted back "it's all in your head".
Which philosophical text do children best relate with?
Play Dough’s “The Republic”
This legen-dairy text I received earlier tonight
Had to hit him with an 80’s music reference over text for keeping a secret
got fired from a newspaper company for forgetting important text.
My dad text me this. A true dad joke
Got a question. Did u hear about the furious lady who was late and refused entry to her yoga class?? Yeah she couldnt believe they were not more flexible
My wife sent me a text message only reading "EARTH"
Don't know if this is a scam but I just received a text saying I'd won $250 cash or 2 tickets to an Elvis tribute night.
It says press 1 for the money or 2 for the show.
I’ve gained axis to the texts!
I heard my wife's eyes roll through text...
Wife: Stopping at the bar for a drink after work.
Me: Would you bring some whiskey home?
Wife: 10-4
Me: = 6
Edit: this particular bar has a liquor store up front.
Tried posting on dad jokes but only texts ): (Not proud of this one)
What do you call an computer program that can read books, and then make reviews about them, but sadly can only read text that has a red font?
Text exchange with my 70-yo father. He’s still got it.
Me: Heads up, you have a package arriving today with your name on it. You have permission to open it today 😉🎄
Him: Ok. Is the tree a hint or just a christmassy thing? I don’t need a tree🌲
Me: Just a christmassy thing. We didn’t send you a tree.
Him: Great. I wouldn’t want to accuse you of tree, son 🤓
Me: Oooof
Him: I was trying to branch out into political humor but it didn’t take root so I guess I’ll leaf it there
Me: You don’t know when to quit, do you?
Him: I wooden know about that
A wife sent her husband a romantic text message…
She wrote: “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.”
Her husband texted back: “I’m on the toilet, please advise.”
PSA: Do NOT download any text books about pandemics.
My son did and now he has a bunch of viruses on his computer.
A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband the following text...
“If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you!!!” The husband, being a non-romantic sort, replied... “I am on the toilet. Please advise.”
Don't know if this is a scam but I just received a text saying I'd won $250 cash or 2 tickets to an Elvis tribute night.
It says press 1 for the money or 2 for the show
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