I hate reading puns about herbs. Seriously! They are such a waste of thyme...
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm currently reading a book about the life of Henry Ford.

It's an autobiography.

πŸ‘︎ 143
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gregsedwards
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
🚨︎ report
I've been reading so many horrible things about drinking and smoking recently, that I've made a firm new year's resolution..

..NO MORE READING !!

πŸ‘︎ 227
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I was reading a book in Braille, but I lost my place.

I know it was somewhere on this page, but I just can’t put my finger on it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheProcesSherpa
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
🚨︎ report
I’m reading a book on the history of glue....

I can’t seem to put it down.

πŸ‘︎ 204
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trendfoll
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m reading the book β€œAdhesives for Dummies.”

I just can’t put it down!

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
🚨︎ report
A book my son is reading. Nothing but fart jokes/puns
πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/epona14
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Every day, my teacher starts her class by reading a joke from r/dadjokes, but today she is absent.

So today, a subreddit.

πŸ‘︎ 25k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
🚨︎ report
My sister has been reading game of thrones and she really liked the line "the sound of steel on steel"

So she decided to steel it

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bean_burrito14
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I have been reading some history on the French revolution and found out what happened to Louis XVI's head

[removed]

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zekesnack
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
A father was reading a story to his five year old son.

His son asked him why the book was so fat. The father replied "It's a long story"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gp_11
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
🚨︎ report
Recent studies have shown that roughly 80% of goth girls in our country's high schools enjoy reading parenting magazines.

Strangely enough, they mostly only read the daddy issues.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/M1ST3RT0RGU3
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
🚨︎ report
Just finished reading a book on Channel swimming.

It was written by Francis Near.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I started reading a book on anti-gravity

I can't seem to put it down.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beltarius
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
🚨︎ report
I heard somebody died after reading a book

They were sentenced to death

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/afc1224
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity

I can't put it down

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hatem96
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm reading a book about anti gravity

It's impossible to put down

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DELTA213203
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Arguing with a woman is like reading a software license agreement...

...in the end, you ignore it all and click "I agree".

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Reading an interview with Alison Moyet and suddenly...
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pointedtone123
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m reading a horror book in Braille.

Something bad is going to happen.

I can feel it.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trainsareepic
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the reading book say to the math book?

What’s your problem?

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crafty-Guy-715
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.

It's impossible to put down!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SkumbagKira
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I am reading a book on the history of lubricants.

It's non friction.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a magistrate reading a novel, so I grabbed it and put it over his face.

He got very angry!!! You shouldn't cover a judge by his book.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
If I could give you a hint about the reading of my will when I die i would.

But it would be a Dead Giveaway

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WikidTechn9cian
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
what is a cows favourite reading material

Cattlelogs

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Goldygold2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Ive been reading this book called β€œThe A to Z of Northern Europe”, but it’s taking me ages...

Not sure I’ll ever get to the Finish

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iamdecal
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My son's literature class is reading Robinson Crusoe...

The teacher said there will be a quiz on Friday.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gregsedwards
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I keep reading about Real Madrid in the news,

I do hope they catch the Fake Madrid.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EotEaH
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
well reading this wasn't such a waste of time
πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sssuuurrreeee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I fell asleep last night while reading some old magazines.

I woke up with back issues.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CheeseheadDave
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I finally got around to reading that Stephen Hawking book!

It's about time!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheIndrajitKar
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m reading a book about these two melons that have a forbidden love. They’ve tried to run away together many times, but are caught every time.

It seems that no matter how hard they try, they just can’t-elope

πŸ‘︎ 150
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FunkyFaz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
A werewolf spends his nights reading Voltaire

Now he's a whywolf

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I got sad while reading a story about a deer who died from a hydraulic press...

It was very deer-pressing...

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SmolloSmoller
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I have an addiction to reading pop-up books, so I went to the library the other day to pick up some proper grown up books to look at. I have to admit there was some good stuff there, ...

... but unfortunately nothing that jumped out at me.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Reading a book about antigravity

Its very hard to put down.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I was reading a book about Swedish cars.

It was quite the Saab story.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Entree_The_Giant
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the Romanian stop reading?

They wanted to give the Bucharest.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/createsean
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I was reading today that Kevin Bacon and Daniel Day Lewis are making a movie together

It's called My Left Footloose

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/freedoomed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
When I'm reading, I hate the silence, but music with words is too distracting., so I always play music without it.

It's instrumental to my comprehension.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I was reading a novel earlier when my daughter came up to me and asked why the book was so thick.

It’s a long story.

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SarcasticaFont
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I was reading a book on Helium

I couldn't put it down

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Was reading a mountain survival story to my son...

"...the boy returned to his camp, where a rabbit was cooking..."
My son: cooking what?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TinkererJim
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m reading a book about a world without gravity...

It’s impossible to put it down.

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TFeyner
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Reading it with an accent like Sean Connery cracks me up!
πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tribelawn
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I keep dropping my phone while reading all these dad jokes.

It’s getting out of hand.

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm reading a book on anti-gravity;

I can't put it down!

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRaptorMovies
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report

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