Text Message Puns

Dad: Give me your best knock knock joke. Or jokes. Do it when you can no rush.

Me: Does it have to be a knock knock joke or can it be any joke?

Dad: Knock Knock.

Me: Who’s there?

I've been receiving several spam text messages daily, thankfully my phone / provider is marking most of them as spam but it's frustrating that the frequency has spiked.

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EDIT;

Thanks for your replies and responses, especially to those who have mentioned the reporting options using 7726.

From Ofcom;

"To report a spam text forward the text to 7726.

You may get an automated response thanking you for the report and giving you further instructions if needed. You will not be charged for sending texts to 7726.

An easy way to remember ‘7726' is that they are the numbers on your telephone keypad that spell out the word ‘SPAM'."

I hope that's helpful!

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UPDATE;

As many (more informed) Redditors have commented, this is likely due to the Facebook data dump from 2019 that has recently been 'scraped'. I used the 'Have I Been Pwned' service to check, and sure enough it seems my phone number was leaked as part of that breach.

More info here from the BBC; https://www.bbc.com/news/technology-56650387

All of the text messages I’ve sent to my bf trying to get him interested in sex with me.

“Find a sex toy you want to put inside me.” -never happened “I want to have sex until we’re exhausted.” -never happened “Let’s fill a jar with sex positions and take turns picking new positions.” -never happened

I cried myself to sleep but I woke up angry. Really angry with the world. I was blow drying my hair and I needed to get the anger out. I slammed the hair dryer on the sink until it broke into little pieces. I know this isn’t healthy and I don’t want to be angry and bitter.

Throwaway, fake names for privacy.

So I(28M) work at a company where to reach a certain level, we have to train/mentor few suitable Interns. When my turn came, I had three interns under me Lily (21F), Lila (22F) and Lilo(22M).

I had good relationship with all of them, but Lila only interacted with me for professional reasons. whereas Lilo and Lily where friendlier.

Last night, lily made a late submission of her report so I had to give her a talk(U know like ask the reasons, and make sure it doesn't occur again) and at the end she made some very sexual remarks. I stopped it as it was inappropriate and told her I had to report this to HR. She was silent for a while.

I showed this to my girlfriend so she doesn't have to find out from someone else. She was upset for a while, but after reading she was happy but pointed out that Lily had been somewhat flirty with me but i never flirted back, well because I don't pick up subtle flirting cues well.

Lily later wrote back saying she was really sorry and this wont happen again, but pleaded that I not report it. Now I am in a dilemma. Should I report this or give her another chance? My girlfriend thinks I shouldn't but probably watch how I interact with her in the future. I didnt want to ask any colleagues as I want to keep it private in case I dont report it to save her image I guess?

edit: shouldn't in the last para..

UPDATE IN COMMENTS.

Brittany Killgore, a 22-year-old woman living in California, filed for divorce on April 10, 2012. Her husband, a US marine, was deployed to Afghanistan at the time. The main point of tension in the marriage seems to have been the simple fact that her husband, Cory Killgore, spent so much time in Afghanistan instead of at home. Brittany also wanted to move out of California and back to Missouri where she was born; she was homesick and wanted to be closer to her family.

Brittany lived in Fallbrook, a city directly to the east of MCB Camp Pendleton. Killgore lived in the same apartment complex as her friends: Channy Tal, Jessica Perry, and Elizabeth Hernandez.

On April 13, 2012, Brittany was getting ready to move out. Her friend, Channy Tal, was helping her pack up all her stuff. Just as they were almost finished packing, Brittany heard a knock on her door. Brittany answered the door; it turned out to be Louis Perez, a man she knew but wasn’t friends with. He asked her if she wanted to go on a dinner cruise with him. Brittany refused the offer, saying that she was planning on moving out.

Brittany Killgore was born in Missouri.

Brittany knew Perez by name, but he’d never been to her apartment before. In fact, Brittany asked him how he’d figured out where she lived. Perez said he’d just asked around until he found her place.

Perez ended up leaving without any promise of a date. However, he made sure that Brittany had his phone number before he left, just in case she would change her mind. A few minutes later, Perez texted Brittany and told her that if she went out on the dinner cruise with him, he’d bring 5 guys to help her move out the next day.

It seems that Brittany was tempted by the offer of help but she still had concerns. Brittany knew that Perez had a girlfriend; she didn’t understand why Perez was asking her out in the first place. Perez’s girlfriend was a woman named Dorothy Maragliano. Brittany knew her and didn’t want to upset her. Brittany also felt that Dorothy disliked her and didn’t think she’d be okay with Brittany going out on a date with Perez.

Brittany texted to Perez and expressed her concerns about Dorothy. Perez assured Brittany that Dorothy did not dislike her at all; she would have no problem

My wife and I were in my daughter's bedroom changing her diaper. While we were discussing the poop, we both received a text message saying "Hello! Welcome to poop direct, you get updates anytime someone poops! I hope you enjoy! say "stop" to cancel this request".

We are the only ones in the house. About 10 minutes later I received a call from the same number, but I didn't answer.

What can I do to protect myself? We have an iBaby camera in the room which I immediately unplugged.

Yesterday, a neighbor I never talked to before contacted me by text message with a complaint about my 2 sheep. We are both in our 50s.

I own a small parcel of land where I live alone with my 2 cats and 2 sheep. A lot of the land is unconstructed and basically only wild grass, and I let my sheep navigate freely so they can eat all the grass freely. This parcel is located in a semi-rural area. I have neighbors close by in all direction but we are all homeowners and away from the city.

The neighbor I asking me to restrict the area in which my sheep are able to roam, as they claim that "we are not in an agricultural zone", as if we were, the city would have not allowed them to build their villa close to my house, and they are seemingly allergic to my sheep. They claim to have been suffering the consequences of the allergy for close to a year now and cannot properly enjoy their home with my sheep around.

I find this request completely ludicrous as my sheep always stay on my land, I never take them outside of the parcel I own and while, admittedly their pen are next to the road separating their house to mine, they do not stay in the pen very often, mostly at night, and during the day roam on my land, which is further away from their property.

My gut reaction was to ignore this request and keep things as is, but I would also like to know what you guys think. Would I be the Asshole?

What I learned: If you’re splitting and have the urge to act out electronically: 1) any communication after someone expresses they don’t want communication is enough for a no contact order, where your messages will be read aloud in court, and you’ll have to face a former FP again who will say terrible things about you 2) *any communication after a no contact order is CRIMINAL and you’ll be in court, (multiple times with continuances) possibly in multiple states if you live in different states, and you’ll be punished. This will cost you a lot of money, time, embarrassment and you could go to jail. This kind of thing could take a year or years to resolve in court, spike anxiety and depression, and is mortifying.

Here’s the convo

Dad: “So..what would constitute evidence of God? And if it was shown to you would you believe? I found a way back and believe you will too”

Me: “The Bible would have to first of all agree with itself, which it doesn't in numerous cases. Then it would have to be proven to be true, which most evidence I have seen points to it being a product of men of ancient Israelite/Canaanite cultures (OT) that was later expanded on by Jesus, Paul, and Peter (NT). Then even if it agrees with itself and is true, God doesn't act in ways that compel me to worship/serve him. But I don't even have to take it that far because it doesn't agree with itself and I don't think it is true. If there is a god that created the universe, I don't think it's the god of the Bible, and I don't think it interacts with our reality in any way. Or it at least doesn't want us to know it.”

Dad: “I am just asking what would constitute evidence of God to you. And if you saw that evidence would you believe?”

I guess that wasn’t the answer he was looking for since he ignored it and repeated the questions...

Okay so basically this all started when I was drunk and it was 3AM. My friend had given me her phone right before she fell asleep. It was open to text messages/our friend group chats and I don’t know what came over me, but I had to search my name. I wasn’t expecting anything bad, but what I found made me really upset.

I found messages from two people in my friend group saying that I’m a bitch for deciding what we do as a friend group (making plans), messages about them ignoring my calls because they didn’t want to go somewhere with me, talks about not wanting to be my partner for school projects, them talking about me not taking their feeling seriously, and overall just negative things.

I agreed with some of the things they were saying about me, such as me making plans for the group but I ALWAYS try to get their opinion on what we should do when hanging out and sometimes don’t even get a response. The texts were always over exaggerated and sometimes not true.

I woke up the next day feeling ashamed for reading the messages but at the same time I felt like I had no one to talk to about it. I’m really hurt because I never thought friends could say that kind of stuff about me. Especially from someone who I thought was my best friend. I’ll probably feel really guilty about reading through these messages for a long time, but the feeling of betrayal will definitely last longer.

I wish I never looked, but now I don’t know what to do now that I’m in this position.

I posted here a week ago just venting about my relationship. I was with a really toxic guy. He is a good person at heart, and that's what I clung to for the longest time. He has a lot of issues he just won't get help for. After three years of fighting, breaking up, begging for him to stay, cheating, verbal and mental abuse, trust issues, trauma, and general unhappiness it's all over.

After making the post I decided that I would enforce my boundaries with him, and if he didn't like that and wanted to break up then I wouldn't beg for him back.

As fate would have it, I got a message from my school. I had made a mistake with my financial aid, that's a long story and it's all resolved now so I won't go into it. At the time it was happening though I was really upset and scared.

I was dreading telling him as it was happening because I knew he was going to make it about himself, and I would have to comfort him. The situation had nothing to do with him, but he always makes stuff a big deal where I have to comfort him. When I told him he reacted exactly as I thought he would. I didn't comfort him like I normally do, and he got upset. I got mad about this and snapped at him, so he ignored me for a few hours.

I was supposed to come over that night, and when he finally texted me I told him I just needed to go home. He got upset and said we needed to talk about everything. He accused me of lying about the issue, not helping him when he was panicking, and I just got so angry. I told him that if I wanted to wait until the morning to talk in person then that was ok.

He was making the entire situation about himself, and he wanted me to drop everything to come comfort him. Because I set that boundary, he said he wanted to end things.

I didn't cry, beg, or rush to go see him, I just said ok then I'm sorry. He left me on read after that and we haven't spoken since. It felt weird that 3 years could just end like that, but oddly enough I feel free.

I can go places without having to keep my location on, send updated videos every 10 minutes to prove I am doing what I said I am, and I can go hang out with friends without it being an issue. I used to feel awful being on my phone the whole time I was with friends but I had to send him videos as proof.

I don't feel the stress or anxiety I felt every day, I am saving money not having to bail him out of messes he creates, and I can say and do whatever I want. I don't have to live in fear of watching my words so that it do

First time posting here. Discovered my husband had been texting a woman at all hours of the night (1 am, 3 am, midnight) with the same married woman. I asked to see the text messages and he says he deleted them all.

I sent a text to confront the skank and include her husband and she responds that ‘my marriage was over a long time ago’.

Tell my husband he needs to block her and he says he’d rather separate than give her up. This is after 20 years together and 2 kids (elementary, high school).

I’m devastated. The woman is the mother of my elementary kid’s best friend for the last 3 years.

Is it normal to text with someone else’s husband like that? I never did that with any of my friend’s husbands, I always chat directly with the mom’s. I may have texted a husband to say ‘hey did your wife get home ok, her cell phone ran out of battery.’ Otherwise, I’ve always worked with the moms are anything for the kids.

I feel so stupid. I can’t believe he did this to me.

I was once hacked of my email because the hacker found my email, pw, and phone number. However I had 2 factor turned on so how was he able to intercept the text message?

We’ve been married for 7 years.

A few years ago, my dad gambled away all of my parents’ money and took loans from sketchy people to fund his habit. He always handled the financials, so my mom had no idea he had an addiction until it was too late. At the same time, I was planning to divorce my husband. We had only been married for 2 years at the time, but things were already bad between us. I wasn’t the wife he wanted and the fact that I wasn’t willing to change led to us both resenting one another. To be perfectly honest, the only reason I stayed is because my husband bailed my parents out. My husband knows this and the only reason he helped was to keep me in the marriage since he had ulterior motives for wanting to stay married. Despite that, we’ve actually managed to make things work between us.

My sister is engaged and is planning her wedding for this year. I spent Monday to Friday with her planning things. Over the weekend, our cousins were supposed to stay over at hers to give their input. Friday evening my husband text me asking me to come home. I haven’t seen him for almost 2 months, and part of how we’ve been making things work between us is if I’m open to having a flexible schedule that works around his. I told my sister, and she wasn’t happy at all. She kept telling me not to go and to tell my husband to f*ck off. I ended up going home after promising to spend another weekend with her and my cousins.

Things seemed fine until Monday. My husband showed me a bunch of texts from my sister to him. There were a lot since she’d been sending them since Friday and had continued until Monday. She sent him things like “My sister isn’t your prostitute”, “Does it make you feel good that you click your fingers, and my sister has no choice but to run to you?”, “I bet it feels nice knowing you had to blackmail your wife into staying with you.”, “You might have fooled my parents but I know you’re still the same Ahole you were 5 years ago”, etc.

I was shocked but also not shocked. My sister has made it no secret that she dislikes my husband, and it doesn’t help that my husband almost never spends time with my family so she hasn’t had a chance to change her opinion of him. I’ve spoken to her and she did apologize to him, but my husband said it isn’t enough and he doesn’t want me talking to her anymore. According to him, this isn’t the first time she’s sent him messages like this, it was just the first time he showed me.

I feel like he’s giving me an ultimatu

I think I may have found found a partial workaround to use Apple Watch and an android phone, but it may not work for everyone. I am looking to upgrade to a Pixel 5 from an iPhone 6s, but want to keep the ability to listen to Spotify on a run via Apple Watch. I have an iPhone 6s and am looking to upgrade.

I have found how to get most all Apple Watch features, except text messages.

I just talked to my carrier (T-Mobile) and since my family members have iPhones I could use the new Apple Watch family plan to use most Apple watch features without me personally having an iPhone. This would exclude messages and calls, but include cellular service, maps, Siri etc. Catch: for the occasional software update my watch would need to be next to their phone for a while to update. Catch: I would get a completely different phone number for my watch at the same price I currently pay for cellular of $10/month. BUT T-Mobile and many other carries offer conditional call forwarding, meaning if I do not answer my phone or do not have service or will immediately ring my Apple Watch number and I can answer there.

So what this would look like is:

1. I can stream Spotify while I run
2. If someone calls my android phone I have left at home the call will be forwarded to my watch
3. I could still call someone from my watch, but they would not recognize the number
4. Fitness tracking for my runs may still work though I don’t know where the data would be saved after (usually saved in the Apple activity app, but I don’t view it that much anyways)

Thoughts? Has anyone tried this?

Video: https://youtu.be/hKxtMaa2hwQ

Source: https://github.com/acamso/demos/blob/master/_email/send_txt_msg.py

This is a demonstration on how to send a text message with Python. In this example, we use GMail to send the SMS message; but any host can work with the correct SMTP settings.

If I'm writing a text to someone I will put full punctuation in each message, this includes a full stop at the end of each message; however I have been informed by both my daughter and a friend that no one does that and it's seen as aggressive or too formal. My argument is that it's a sentence, it requires a full stop.

This was fun!

I have received about 3 lengthy texts from my boss criticizing my work performance. These texts are borderline unprofessional and bullying. I’m talking multiple paragraphs. I receive these text messages after work hours. But when I see him in person at work, he says nothing to me. I would really appreciate that if my manger has a problem with something I do, or wants to give me a performance review, it would be talked about in person and face to face. He seems incredibly cowardly for this and it upsets me. Communication among managers and employees has always been a big problem at this company. Is this professional? Is this normal?

I don't use Siri much, and I'm hoping someone with more experience can help. I sometimes want Siri to read my messages to me through my airpods, but every time a message is too long to read she says "by the way, if you want to text back you can say reply". I never use this feature and I don't want her to keep reminding me, I get it. Is there any way to turn this off without completely disabling the announce messages feature? Google didn't return any suggestions. Appreciate any ideas, thanks!

This cabal is slowly crumbling from the inside out.

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