What do you call a duck that steals?

A robber ducky.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
A man fell into a combine harvester while attempting to steal it.

Police say he will be bailed out tomorrow.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EastlyGod1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
🚨︎ report
What kind of alert do the police put out when someone steals your fire?

An ember alert.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wash_guy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
A football player steals houses...

He took all of Patrick's Mahomes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brady01234
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
My buddy Linux would always lead the lineup with a bunt and steal second shortly after. And no matter how bad I wanted to swing for the fences, if the batter before me didn't make first; coach would turn to me and say......

UBUNTU.

SurPise!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MatthewLee1980
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Fancy stores are now adding bleach packets to their clothing that explodes if you try to steal them

Police say it’s a great a crime detergent

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MLaBolle
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you steal a coat?

You jacket

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlintTheDad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call people that steal dad jokes and repost them?

Pun-ks

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
People ask me where I steal all my dad jokes from

They get surprise to know that I have a dad-a-base

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slcikdeaaal
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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Me: Did you steal my thesaurus?

Horse: Nope.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nimkiw
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
For this price? What a steal.
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cindylindy22
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I am convinced that my friend helped someone steal one of my gloves.

He definitely had a hand in it.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
The sexual tension is so intense it could cut through steal.
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatincomingvirus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a problem. My wife steals animals from the zoo and hides them in our house.

I tried to bring it up but she didn't want to discuss the elephant in the room.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YDAQ
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the hardware store employee use to steal personal information?

A Hacksaw.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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I surprised my friend as she was trying to steal another spine from a corpse...

She was takin' a back when taken aback!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
The only thing a kleptomaniac cannot steal is a pun

They take everything literally.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RoastingNoodles
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My Brother used to Steal from Kitchen Supply Stores..

He was always the whisk-taker in the family.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AhSparaGus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
How did a musician steal from a bank without being noticed?

He took notes

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Soulfox1988
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My family tell me not to steal kitchen utensils

But it's a whisk I'm willing to take

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/X_Tbull
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Hey! Don't you dare steal...

McAfee!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SonEf_Adam
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
a friend of mine dared me to steal some kitchen supplies

but that just wasn't a whisk I was willing to take

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zayyded
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
If you’re ever trying to do something unexpected, don’t steal someone’s abacus. They’ll be counting on that.
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OverSpeedClutch
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a mom who steals all the dad jokes?

Transparent...

I bet you didn't see that coming 😁

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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A boy leaned over to steal a kiss from his girl, but she was leaning over to steal a kiss at the same time.

They both made out like bandits.

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call when a chef steals a recipe for ravioli?

A copy pasta

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yoav-bam
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
🚨︎ report
The goal of every burglar is a stainless steal.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/churniglow
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you see that lady who steals sandwiches?

She is absolutely breadtaking!

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Its_not_okay_Paul
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I can't believe somebody had the nerve to break into my house and steal my limbo stick.

I mean seriously, how low can you go?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a person who steals e-cigarettes?

A juul thief

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cookiecakes29
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What happens to a baker if they steal another's cream pie recipe?

They get taken into custard-y.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dabiker68
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
🚨︎ report
How could you steal his van though? πŸ˜‚
πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DahnTheMahn-
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I never thought my son would steal road signals

But when I got home all the signs were there

πŸ‘︎ 92
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oleolesp
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I knew I shouldn't steal a mixer from work,

But it was a whisk I was willing to take.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TalisEgg
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the criminal steal the money alone?

He was banking on his friends to do it

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to steal a window but the guilt was overwhelming.

I could not take the pane.

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the crazy guy steal a train?

He just had a loco motive.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MaxAvery
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you steal a coat?

You jacket.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jeepon728
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you steal a coat?

You jacket.

πŸ‘︎ 331
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uhavethebiggay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you steal a coat?

You jacket

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chuck_elliottJr
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you steal a coat?

You Jacket

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrWulf360
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you steal a coat?

You jacket

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scottspears89
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you steal a coat?

You jacket 😎

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Otterz4Life
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you steal a coat

You jacket

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/got_nohandz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Me: Did you steal my thesaurus?

Horse: Nope.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mojo884ever
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you steal a coat?

You jack it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-random-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
my wife warned me not to steal kitchen utensils..

but it’s a whisk in willing to take

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/malenah101
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife tells me I should never steal kitchen utensils...

...but it's a whisk that I'm willing to take

πŸ‘︎ 156
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weeteuchter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you steal a coat?

You jacket

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/invertedparadoxxx
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
🚨︎ report

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