I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker

But when I got home all the signs were there

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/piemamamer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Son: "Dad, did you see pictures of that guy at the Capitol stealing Nancy Pelosi's podium? That's domestic terrorism!"

Dad: "Wrong, son. He was just taking a political stand."

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CIMMGW
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
🚨︎ report
A man has been stealing wheels off police cars

The police are working tirelessly to catch him

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spinach_Stock
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Officer: You’re under arrest for stealing the Wikipedia servers...

Me: But officer, I can explain everything!

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/themeatspin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you see the video of the rioter stealing Pelosi’s podium?

The guy was really taking a stand!!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
I used to have an addiction stealing road signs

But then I kept on getting signs telling me to stop

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigg_UN
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
I got arrested for stealing a calendar

I'm looking at 12 months

πŸ‘︎ 92
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Two guys were arrested for stealing a single calendar

They both got six months.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend accused me of stealing his thesaurus.

Not only was I shocked, I was appalled, distraught, surprised, and taken aback.

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who was stealing people's window panes?

Apparently it was panes taking work.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smakattak
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
A man was caught stealing at a supermarket today while standing on the shoulders of a couple of vampires

He was charged with shoplifting on two counts

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hud_is_on
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a person who can't stop stealing kitchen supplies?

A whisk taker

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I get a thrill out of stealing kitchen utensils

I'm a whisk taker

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/st_jimmy_02
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?

He was just arrested for Petty theft.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aloiciousss
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I was arrested earlier for stealing helium balloons.

The cops held me for a while, then let go .

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I once caught a criminal in the midst of stealing some luggage.

It was a briefcase

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CosmicNoire
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to stop stealing her kitchen utensils or else.

But that's a whisk I'm willing to take.

πŸ‘︎ 108
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
The police found the man who was stealing the soap.

They were close to catching him so he had to come clean.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jubulus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a man on my street today stealing a gate

I didn't say anything in case he took a fence.

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sticklemac
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I was really angry at my friend Mark for stealing my dictionary

I said, β€œMark, my words!”

πŸ‘︎ 361
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call the dinosaurs that arrest other dinosaurs for stealing?

The triceracops.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/copenhagen_bram
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My brother was caught stealing fruit last night...

Didn't know I was related to a waterfelon.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RROB2000
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Doctor Doctor, I can't stop stealing chairs ...

... please take a seat.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/knanshon
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Police report says someone was stealing rockwool from a construction site downtown.

Turns out it was an isolated incident.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reddnvb
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife is always threatening to harm me if I keep stealing her kitchen utensils...

but that’s a wisk I’m willing to take.

πŸ‘︎ 814
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrStinkpinkyPhD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
🚨︎ report
There is a guy stealing Iphones around town

He is probably going to face time

πŸ‘︎ 363
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
🚨︎ report
[OC] What did the farmer say when he got a headache from people stealing his wheat

My grains!

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMeowMeow
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to believe my son when he said he was not stealing arcs from his geometry class...

But upon checking his backpack, all the sines were there.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I got caught stealing kitchen utensils

It was worth the whisk.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thephantomnose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Apparently someone in my town has been stealing the wheels off police cars

They’ve been working tirelessly to find him

πŸ‘︎ 98
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsaustinjones
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the police do when they caught the thief stealing the desserts from the bakery?

They took him into custardy

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oldgenmemelord
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I was arrested the other day for stealing people's electrons.

I was heavily charged, despite my victims saying it was an overall positive experience.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
🚨︎ report
People ask me where I am stealing all my dadjokes from

From a dad-a-base

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slcikdeaaal
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing stuff from his highway maintenance job.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Turbulent-Use7253
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
A man has been stealing wheels of police cars.

The police is working tirelessly to catch him.

πŸ‘︎ 279
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Buffunder
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
A man has been stealing police car tires

The police are working tirelessly to catch him

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ismailumair90
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
i heard my dad was stealing from his roadworks job

i didnt believe it at first but when i got home all the signs were there

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/redcliff89
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Papa_G_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guys that were caught stealing a calendar?

They both got 6 months.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
A man was caught stealing from a supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires;

He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Russell_Pinto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I was convicted for stealing a calendar.

I was given 12 months.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BrainSpy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I never wanted to believe that my brother was stealing from his job as a road worker

but when I got home, all the signs were there

πŸ‘︎ 671
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FlashHash
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
A man has been stealing wheels off of police cars

Police are working tirelessly to catch him

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Man seen stealing police car wheels.

The police are working tirelessly to catch him.

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OliPark
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
BREAKING: A man has been stealing wheels of police cars.

The police have been working tirelessly to catch him.

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
BREAKING NEWS: A man has been spotted stealing tires from police cars

The authorities are working tirelessly to catch him!

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LucaTheDevilCat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My brother was caught stealing fruit last night...

I've never known a waterfelon before.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RROB2000
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I was really mad at my friend Mark for stealing my dictionary.

I said, β€œMark, my words!”

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Roommate: If you keep stealing all my kitchen utensils than I'm moving out!

Me: That's a whisk I'm willing to take.

πŸ‘︎ 579
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Thefullerexpress
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
🚨︎ report

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