BREAKING NEWS: Scientists launch sneak attack on the periodic table.....

Add the element of surprise.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
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What’s it called when I sneak my favorite soda into a long, boring musical?

Fanta of the opera.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
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Why is leather armor the best armor to sneak around in?

It's made of hide.

πŸ‘︎ 362
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trickyfelix
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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A security guard at an airport informs the pilot of a man trying to sneak contraband onto an airplane.

The pilot responds, "That's not going to fly."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/karanrime
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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Realized my boys will someday be dads after the cat tried to sneak outside tonight

Me, to my two boys: "Hazel tried to escape, but I captured her."

Boy 1: (pronunciation) "cap- CHURR!"

Boy 2: "Or... You CAT-tured her!"

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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My friend Jack Glasscock could never sneak up on people.

Everyone could always see when he was coming.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DAMWrite1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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I tried to sneak into a Star Trek convention disguised as a Doctor.

The security guard suspected I was not the Real McCoy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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Sneak preview of new atar wars plot

an army of clones of the most hated celebrities attack hollywood.

Remaking due to spelling error.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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People always ask me how I sneak chocolate into the cinema.

Well...

I’ve got a few twix up my sleeve.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lexflexluthor
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2020
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TIL about a sneak attack in WWII, in which Norway’s Skiing Soldiers deprived the German army of the atomic bomb.

They did Nazi it coming.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blackabe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
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There was this kinky burglar who would sneak into people's bedrooms to give them a pedicure as they slept. .

He was a clip toe maniac

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
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What do you call it when a guy tries to sneak peeks at a girl's cleavage?

Cleavesdropping.

Shoutout to my wife for dropping this one on me.

Edit: About 6 people have responded with "peek a boob" already. I applaud the effort, but to me that would be better nickname for nip slips.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/marco262
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2016
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My friend and I were trying to sneak by a dinosaur last night.

When we got to the other side, Dave said:

Do you think he saurus

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
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What do you call bad breath that sneaks up on you?

Ninjavitis

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UltimusStatic
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2019
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A cow tried to sneak past a sleeping dragon

Made a nice flaming yawn

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JBaczuk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
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My son convinced my sisters to sneak into Canada and start a garden.

It's his Alien Aunt Farm.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tsaot
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
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Bruce Lee doesn't sneak

He walks around quietly

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Olympian78
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
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Two fruits wanted to sneak away from their parents and get married in the forest

But sadly one of them Cantaloupe

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πŸ‘€︎ u/baconsgoodman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
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How do you sneak up on a unique rabbit?

Unique up on it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scurvy4all
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2018
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TIP FOR TODAY: Don't try to sneak popcorn in the movie theater.

They'll never let you use their microwave.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UriahPeabody
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
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What plant sneaks up on you?

An AmBush

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alvbatross
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2018
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I trained my 5 kids (5 & under) to say "dadjokes" everytime I sneak one in [video link]

Here's a montage πŸ˜… https://youtu.be/z6woHmrn144

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πŸ‘€︎ u/imperialbeachdad
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2018
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My daughter decided to sneak a stray cat back home

But I found out and she had to let the cat out of the bag

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HighGeneral
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
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A Canadian lies about a gym membership to sneak in a workout. How does he feel the next morning?

Sore-y

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πŸ‘€︎ u/errsta
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
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Sneak thieves steal constabulary toilets.

Police have nothing to go on...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
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I like to sneak up behind women and give them massages

The ladies love it - they call me a massage-inist

-RIP Papa Franku

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ButSheLooked18Tho
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2018
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How the Ewoks manage to sneak up on Han Solo, Chewbacca and Luke Skywalker?

They used their Endor voices.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MentatTir
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2018
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A bird with cancer sneaks over the Mexican Border

He's an ill-eagle immigrant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheHeroicOnion
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2018
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This morning at breakfast, my daughter said she doesn't really like syrup on her pancakes, but sometimes she'll "sneak a little on there"

So I said, "well, aren't you syrup-titious!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2017
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My wife asked me how I managed to sneak candy into the movie theater

I told her I had a few twix up my sleeve.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thematt924
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2016
🚨︎ report
Why can't you sneak up on someone in a corn field?

There's ears everywhere!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Half_a_halfling
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2017
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Trying to sneak around unnoticed?

Wear an all-leather outfit... It's made of 100% hide.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scuba_steve94
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2015
🚨︎ report
If someone sneaks across a steal framed bridge...

...are they a truss-passer?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bcjgreen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2016
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Why did the lion sneak into the wardrobe?

Narnia business

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2016
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I try to sneak one in every once in a while.

While working the graveyard shift my coworkers and I agreed to take a break and regroup at 12:15am. As we were leaving I said "ok see you guys tomorrow". I gave myself a good chuckle!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ligurty
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2015
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Managed to sneak in a good one at the hairdressers today!

So as the hairdresser was walking past a school boy he caught his foot on the guys rucksack and nearly tripped.

I murmured "That was a close shave."

The school boy looked at me, looked away and started to shake his head, while me and the hairdresser are grinning away...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AjGoudie
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2013
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Why do you sneak around in leather armor?

Because it is made of hide.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ReddMcNaughton
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
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Earlier, I tried to sneak into the Star Trek convention disguised as the starship's doctor.

Security soon twigged I wasn't the real McCoy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
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What's the best armor to sneak around in?

Leather armor it's made out of Hide!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TyreeArtist1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is leather the best thing to sneak around in?

It’s made with hide.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pepperonie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
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I tried to sneak in a Star Trek convention disguised as a Doctor...

The Security guard suspected I was not the real McCoy..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HanShotFirst17
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2018
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Leather armor is best for sneak attacks

because it's made of hide

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2017
🚨︎ report

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