Sneaky Puns

Darn them and their underhanded techniques

One takes a nip of the tipple, the other takes the tip off a nipple.

The train. It leaves tracks everywhere it goes.

Peking Duck

A condescending con descending.

Edit: “snarky” not sneaky :)

Any dog... buildings can’t jump

But no pun in ten did.

I hope you’re happy now

Me: No, I think they come that way.

So I gave him a glass of water...

Me, an intellectual: Yeah! Not as apparent.

P.S. Happened for real. She laughed and playfully hit me for pulling such a sneaky on her.

Because he didn’t have the guts.

Well, the doc says, I look at the baby and then I look at the mom and say - your baby looks just like you!

Sneakers

when the snake pit was accidentally filled in. The zoo keeper said "it's terrible terrible news, now the snakes don't even have a pit to hiss in.

The first piece of string says it’s all about the attitude and struts into the bar. The bouncer looks at him and says, “no stings allowed” and throws him out.

The second piece of string says, “you’ve got to be sneaky” and tries to sneak in. But the bouncer sees him and says “no stings allowed” and throws him out.

The third piece of string thinks “maybe if I disguise myself”. He then ties himself into a know and frays his edge. The bouncer looks at him confused and asks, “hey, are you a string?”

The sting replies, “no, I’m a frayed knot”

The other day I was taking a sneaky wizz in a public pool. Some how the lifeguard must of seen me because he blew his whistle and I almost fell in

We were sorting clothes out of the dryer and I noticed that I was missing a sock (sneaky bugger). I told my dad this and he turns to me and says: "Man, that really socks." The Daddest Dad joke in history...

Unique up on it!

How do you catch a tame rabbit?

Same way, unique up on it!

best when accompanied by making a sneaky walk motion with your hand

The whole family is together at the dinner table and my brother had just gotten a new cat. Instead of letting the cat get into trouble he opted to put it in the cat carrier while we ate. Sneaky little thing got out of it's carrier and my daughter blurts out, "Well the cat's out of the bag!" ^I'm ^so ^proud. ^^tear

Picture this.

A fancy Christmas dinner party at his new wife's opulent, sandstone estate house. Plates are being cleared from the lengthy, mahogony table that seats the fourteen well-to-do guests, the main course having just finished. All have feasted gloriously on our Christmas fare.

My Dad, playing the good host, picks up two bottles of wine, one white and one red, and proceeds to do a round of the table, chatting amiably with everyone as he circles. Those whose glasses are less than 90% full, he proceeds to top-up. I am sitting in the very centre of the long table, seated directly opposite a very well off lady in her early sixties, by the name of Margaret. My dad, having just topped off my glass, is now standing directly behind me.

This older woman, full of grace and charm, looks to my Dad and says, "Thank you so much for this glorious meal, John. It's been simply divine."

My Dad, "Not at all, Margaret, not at all. Could I charge your glass?"

Margaret, "Oh, no no, thank you. I've got the bottle in front of me!"

My Dad, quick of wit, and with a sneaky - yet charming - grin on his face, responds, "Ah, well, better that than a frontal lobotomy!"

I've never been more proud of him.