The Edo Period of Japan did not believe in concealed carry permits: they preferred to Shoguns
πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ‘€︎ u/berninicaco3
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2015
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The Monk and The Cow

A monk sits at the peak of a hill that overlooks where the grassy Earth meets a river, the river flows with a breeze, and the breeze explores a mountain range, and the mountains neighbor the sky, and the sky conceals the entire universe, hiding the unknown in plain sight. The monk exhales "Ooooomm". He repeats this until a noise, very faint, breaks his chant.


The monk stops for a moment but, without changing his position, dismisses it. "Ooooooommm." He begins again.

He's interrupted again, "moooo."

The monk turns to find a cow looking up at him from the bottom of the hill. "Kind cow," the monk says, "please do not interrupt my meditation."

The cow stares blankly back at the monk. The monk sighs and continues.


Even louder, "Mmmooooooooo."

"Dear cow, I must reach enlightenment. Please, refrain from making your cow noises or find another hill."

The monk continues again, "Oooooooommmm-"

"MMMmmoooooooooooO!" The cow exclaims.

The monk stands up angrily, "Cow! Why must you interrupt my chanting?"

The cow replies, "Because you're saying it backwards!"

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ‘€︎ u/baconbuddy95
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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I lost my daughter’s cosmetics bag...

I wonder how I’ll make up for this mistake

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
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It’s no wonder women are so good at hiding things from men..

They’ve always got concealer on!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/WatIfFoodWur1ofUs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
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A communist walks into a bar

He orders nothing, and instead just sits down at the bar and begins reading a newspaper.

β€œWhat’ll it be?” Asked the bartender.

β€œNothing.” Replied the communist, his face concealed behind the newspaper.

β€œYou don’t want anything?” Said the bartender.

β€œNo!” Replied the communist.

β€œLook,” said the bartender β€œyou can’t just sit at the bar and read without ordering anything. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

β€œDo you know who I am?” Asked the communist, as he slowly lowered the newspaper, revealing combed back black and grey hair, a large, bushy mustache, and a neatly kept Officer uniform with two gold stars pinned to the left breast.

The bartender stepped back, shocked. β€œWell now you’re just Stalin!”

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ‘€︎ u/jhabibs
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
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my dad's christmas present

So my dad just got his concealed weapons permit recently so for Christmas my step mom got him a new pistol. Since she didn't want to wrap a handgun, she printed out a flyer from Cabela's and taped it to a stray dumbbell weight to disguise it and wrapped them up in a small box.

When my dad opens the box, without missing a beat he coolly says, "Oh, look! A new pistol with the mandatory waiting period...."

πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ‘€︎ u/glevino
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2014
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My girlfriend misplaced some of her makeup...

Gf: "I can't find my concealer"

Me: "Wow, sounds like it's some good stuff then."

She was silent for like a solid five seconds before just saying "fuck off"

πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mono200
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2016
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A lot of politicians use statistics like a bikini.

They reveal what is suggestive, but conceal what is vital.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2017
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Why did the conservative hide the horror movie from his kids?

Because he believed in concealed Carrie.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nerdican
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2016
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Radio DJ has dirty dad joke.

Our morning show DJ's were doing a story about a woman who seduced a man and tried to kill him with a gun she had concealed in her vagina.

DJ - "She was concealing a re-VULVA. Thank you, good night."

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ‘€︎ u/panken
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2014
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The Long Con

A while ago I was sat down to dinner with my family, a delicious meal as it always is, ta very much Mum. Throughout dinner and the usual post-dinner chatter Dad had been muttering "My my myyyy Delilah..." to himself. Usually you can ignore a bit of a quiet singsong someone outside of a conversation is having to themselves but every 10-15 minutes he'd go "My my myyyy Delilah...". A good 2 hours after starting our dinner my sister feels the need to ask "Dad, why do you keep singing my my my delilah? Was there a song on the radio or something?". Dad gives a confused little look and goes "Hmmm? What? Oh dear oh dear oh dear... It's actually a medical problem. I went to the doctor about it recently" then raises his head trying to conceal that grin that we all know and dread. "He said I had Tom Jones Syndrome. I asked if it was common. He just shrugged and said it's not unusual". I gave him two thumbs up and a look of respect, most of the table gave a horrified groan. 2 Hours! the dedication on that man!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/MeesterMoses
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2015
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