What rank did the piece of corn hold in the military?
π︎ 31
π
︎ May 10 2021
Me to my teen age daughter in the grocery store while I hold a melon.
βYou cantaloupe! Your too youngβ
π︎ 10
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︎ Mar 10 2021
Why do people in N/A stand in circles and hold hands???
Because they dont do Lines anymore.
π︎ 4
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︎ Mar 14 2021
Don't hold in your farts...
They will travel up your spin and you will have shitty ideas.
π︎ 5
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︎ Dec 24 2020
"Fellow Spearman, why must you hold your spear in such an irregular stance?"
But then it hit them why he was holding it in a overhand grip.
π︎ 2
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︎ Dec 14 2020
If you get hit in the face, the home treatment is to hold a raw steak against it to reduce swelling...
...it does more than meats the eye.
π︎ 5
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︎ Oct 29 2020
I used to know a teacher who could never hold a fart in.
He was a terrible private tooter.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Jun 15 2020
What race did Sean Connery hold in Poland?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jul 29 2020
I could not think of the name for the triangle that holds the balls in a pool game...
No matter how hard I racked my brain.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Feb 07 2020
I'm not able to hold 5 gallons of gasoline in me...
π︎ 9
π
︎ May 16 2020
How do you hold a party in space?
π︎ 11
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︎ Mar 16 2020
What type of onion can't hold in moisture?
π︎ 9
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︎ Mar 01 2020
What do you call a tree you can hold in your hand?
π︎ 228
π
︎ Jun 02 2019
A Roman walks in a bar, holds up 2 fingers and says:
"I'll have 5 beer please."
π︎ 62
π
︎ Apr 29 2019
Most people think the name Dracula cough comes from the way dracula would hold his Cape in front of his face
In reality it's because he is an expert in coffin
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 11 2020
Told my best man to hold this just in case
π︎ 20
π
︎ Jul 20 2019
What holds the sun up in the sky?
π︎ 12
π
︎ Dec 21 2019
A few Americans got sick after they couldnβt hold their liquor in Germany...
One in the group could be heard saying βman, Oktoberfest really brought out the wurst in us!β
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 30 2018
hold on i have something in my shoe
π︎ 13
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︎ Mar 30 2019
Who holds sermons during Sunday in Italy?
π︎ 11
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︎ Aug 13 2019
Why is it bad to hold in your farts?
Theyβll go to your brain and give you brain farts
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 04 2019
I met an astronaut in Mexico who claimed to hold the record for the fastest unassisted orbit around Earth.
I'll never forget Juan Solo.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 16 2019
What can you hold in your left hand that you can't hold in your right hand?
π︎ 70
π
︎ May 08 2018
My daughter was acting up so I stuck one end of a piece if wire in the ground and told her to hold the other end.
π︎ 25
π
︎ Jan 21 2019
How do you hold a moron in suspense?
π︎ 161
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︎ Nov 22 2017
Talking to my GF " so I got this from a chick at work today" (hand her a piece of paper) daughter freaks out in the background, "a chick?!? I wanna see I wanna see can I hold it?" Lmao
π︎ 2
π
︎ Aug 22 2019
Every year, dads hold a competition to see who can make it rain. Their goal is to have someone win 2 years in a row
He would be the reigning Raining champ
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 16 2019
I found out today you can hold air in your hands...
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 31 2018
What do you call it when you hold mass in a hotel?
Glory to God in the Hyatt
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 22 2016
"There are just too many bits in this bed." Wife holds up a piece of a dog bone.
Me "that one is too big to be a 'bit.' It needs a new category... How about eight bits equal a bite."
π︎ 17
π
︎ Jan 15 2017
In some areas of the country horse rescue organizations are the glue that holds the community together
As dictated by my father to me, to share with you all.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Aug 07 2017
My dad can barely hold this in while telling it
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A stick...
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 20 2015
A few Americans got sick after they couldnβt hold their liquor in Germany...
One in the group could be heard saying βman, Oktoberfest really brat out the wurst in us!β
π︎ 8
π
︎ Sep 14 2018
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