What's the difference between a sneaky alcoholic and a clumsy plastic surgeon?

One takes a nip of the tipple, the other takes the tip off a nipple.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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What is the least sneaky vehicle?

The train. It leaves tracks everywhere it goes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/logoman4
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
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Sneaky Titan
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xxanthis
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
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What do you call it when a Chinese bird is being sneaky?

Peking Duck

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JonSolo1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
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What do you call a sneaky criminal going down a staircase?

A condescending con descending.

Edit: β€œsnarky” not sneaky :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eggiestnoodle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
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Sneaky pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dann512
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2017
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To the guy who stole my anti depressants

I hope you’re happy now

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nav_the_gamer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
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A man knocked on my door today and asked for a small donation for the local swimming pool...

So I gave him a glass of water...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
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We were watching a documentary on African wildlife, and my son asked me, β€œIs it difficult to spot cheetahs?”

Me: No, I think they come that way.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
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Piano players will get it
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elawn
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
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My wife: for 7 months pregnant my belly looks small

Me, an intellectual: Yeah! Not as apparent.

P.S. Happened for real. She laughed and playfully hit me for pulling such a sneaky on her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/math-pro
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
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I think I'm gonna be PUNished for that....
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jeryus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
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Why didn’t the Skeleton cross the road?

Because he didn’t have the guts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/khymbote
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
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A mom brings her baby to the doctor who says - wow, your baby is beautiful ! She says - thanks, but I'm sure you say that to every mom. He says - no I don't. She asks - what do you say if the baby is ugly??

Well, the doc says, I look at the baby and then I look at the mom and say - your baby looks just like you!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2donutkid2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
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What shoes do secret agents wear?

Sneakers

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2018
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Disaster at the Los Angeles zoo today

when the snake pit was accidentally filled in. The zoo keeper said "it's terrible terrible news, now the snakes don't even have a pit to hiss in.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mosvicious
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2017
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Three pieces of string want to go into a no strings allowed bar.

The first piece of string says it’s all about the attitude and struts into the bar. The bouncer looks at him and says, β€œno stings allowed” and throws him out.

The second piece of string says, β€œyou’ve got to be sneaky” and tries to sneak in. But the bouncer sees him and says β€œno stings allowed” and throws him out.

The third piece of string thinks β€œmaybe if I disguise myself”. He then ties himself into a know and frays his edge. The bouncer looks at him confused and asks, β€œhey, are you a string?”

The sting replies, β€œno, I’m a frayed knot”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sirmorganc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
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The pool

The other day I was taking a sneaky wizz in a public pool. Some how the lifeguard must of seen me because he blew his whistle and I almost fell in

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flynnstar01
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
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My Dad has NO Sense of Humor

We were sorting clothes out of the dryer and I noticed that I was missing a sock (sneaky bugger). I told my dad this and he turns to me and says: "Man, that really socks." The Daddest Dad joke in history...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MerrittGaming
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2017
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How do you catch a unique rabbit?

Unique up on it!

How do you catch a tame rabbit?

Same way, unique up on it!

best when accompanied by making a sneaky walk motion with your hand

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wolfrage
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2018
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My daughter made me proud with this dad-joke.

The whole family is together at the dinner table and my brother had just gotten a new cat. Instead of letting the cat get into trouble he opted to put it in the cat carrier while we ate. Sneaky little thing got out of it's carrier and my daughter blurts out, "Well the cat's out of the bag!" ^I'm ^so ^proud. ^^tear

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hanktank
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2014
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The time my Dad went above and beyond the call of duty, at a formal dinner party

Picture this.

A fancy Christmas dinner party at his new wife's opulent, sandstone estate house. Plates are being cleared from the lengthy, mahogony table that seats the fourteen well-to-do guests, the main course having just finished. All have feasted gloriously on our Christmas fare.

My Dad, playing the good host, picks up two bottles of wine, one white and one red, and proceeds to do a round of the table, chatting amiably with everyone as he circles. Those whose glasses are less than 90% full, he proceeds to top-up. I am sitting in the very centre of the long table, seated directly opposite a very well off lady in her early sixties, by the name of Margaret. My dad, having just topped off my glass, is now standing directly behind me.

This older woman, full of grace and charm, looks to my Dad and says, "Thank you so much for this glorious meal, John. It's been simply divine."

My Dad, "Not at all, Margaret, not at all. Could I charge your glass?"

Margaret, "Oh, no no, thank you. I've got the bottle in front of me!"

My Dad, quick of wit, and with a sneaky - yet charming - grin on his face, responds, "Ah, well, better that than a frontal lobotomy!"

I've never been more proud of him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rolloxan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2013
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