First part- https://www.reddit.com/r/puns/comments/ehsmyy/so_this_happened_in_a_gc/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
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I’m hoping in the next iOS update Apple releases they include more jack o lantern emojis.

But I don’t want to count my pumpkins before they patch.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bluemelon555
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
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Did you know they released Siri’s full name in iOS 13?

It’s Siri S. Lee. Seriously.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/binaryPilot84
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
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If you have ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly

Because communication is key

Edit: it's from here, so please give the op credit

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chizhi1234
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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Now days, people don't use the name Lance very often

In medieval times, people were named Lance a lot

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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r/NatureIsFuckingLit, right?
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OctoBear87
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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I made a dad joke generator

I don’t know if I am allowed to post this but I just made a dad joke generator. Hope you guys like it. If I am breaking the rule, please let me know I don’t mind withdrawing the post. Here’s the link:

https://kiranojhanp.github.io/random-joke-generator/

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πŸ‘€︎ u/magnebuda
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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Saw this on r/unexpected, thought it was funny so here we are :) I’ll be sure to add the link to the OG post in the comments incase you wanna see it
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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What is it called when two mummies fart at the same time?

Toot-in-common.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mitchinatr
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2020
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Why is christmas time the best time to make an online dad-joke filled advent calendar?

Because it's the most punderful time of the year!

Link to calendar for those who want it: https://pdfhost.io/v/TQuSCzy.W_AdventCalendar2020pdf.pdf

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leron4551
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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The answer is what happened
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πŸ‘€︎ u/binayakhero
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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Why do riot police arrive early to the protests?

... so they can beat the crowds!

Edit: Wow, this is now my second highest upvoted post ever, and it's not even my own joke! Totally should have credited the video I saw this in: https://www.reddit.com/r/PublicFreakout/comments/h8btkp/protester_has_a_joke_for_the_police_officers/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

Thanks for the laughs and great comment threads, Reddit :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Row199
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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This sub is going downhill
πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BradC
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
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A local circus caught fire today

It was in tents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TopperMadeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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Gravity is really depressing

It's always bringing everyone down

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fukurslf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
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Tell me ONE thing wrong with heavy tourism in Hawaii. Go on.

Isle weight.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KairuSmairukon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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Very int-arresting
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Extrahub
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
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Found it in another sub and thought it belonged here
πŸ‘︎ 830
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πŸ‘€︎ u/3bdilra7man
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
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Incest=Wincest right?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eyeyamstewpig
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
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Why did the Mexican take a Xanax?

For His-panic attacks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MacItaly
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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A blind man walks into a bar with his guide dog.

Then he starts spinning his leashed dog around himself. The bartender asks him what the Hell is he doing, and the blind man goes:

"Just looking around..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alexasha05
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
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In the spirit of sharing our kids attempts at dad jokes,

My daughter had to wire an essay about her hobby, which is softball. Her opener:

Pitcher this, you’re standing on a mound.

I was overwhelmed, and more proud than ever. She threw in some other puns too, it was an excellent essay, she’s giving me a run for my money, I batter watch out.

Edit: thank you u/PsychicGnome for the reminder that my kids are better parents than I am

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OnionShanty
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
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What do you call a chickens ghost

A poultry-geist

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πŸ‘€︎ u/saberking007
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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Avengers: Infinity Car
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doctordoom55
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
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If you witness a robbery at an Apple Store...

...does that make you an iWitness?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gigadude17
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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My uncle always said "Neither a borrower or a lender be"

Lovely bloke, but a terrible bank manager

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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Found on a funny train sort of post (will link in comments)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spursjosh06
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
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Pun chain.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rahulp7405
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
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Bro, can you pass me that leaflet?

Brochure.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mustardankle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
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My dad and his beans.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Starfucks13
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2013
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My French friend borrowed 1,000 gallons of water from me...

He wrote me an IO eau.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
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Talking about cellphone providers
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/falcorbeam
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2013
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Why do giraffes have long necks?

Because their head is really far away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Undercoverforever
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
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Friend's dad... Instead of the Hellman's in a lake...

http://i.imgur.com/kekwP1L.jpg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/messenger_boy
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2015
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To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camo jacket.

You can hide, but you can't run.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/casualredditor0
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
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How do you keep an idiot busy for hours?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
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When I asked my dad how the turkey was coming along imgur.com/Tuj1ARo
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πŸ‘€︎ u/glitter_box
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2013
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Patient: I broke my leg in three places...

Doctor: then don’t go to those places

source:

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dkh1638
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
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Yeah, thanks, I really needed to know that, old man....
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rahmspinat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2013
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Did you hear about the dad that brought his doctor a stool sample?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShortBusRadio
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
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I hate myself...

My sister is watching this show called "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend" and I just overheard her reference a joke they made.

It went something like this:

"I thought you were in Iowa"

"Iowas, but now I'm back"

I want to watch this show.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MilanoCookiez
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
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They were in the same damn box!

We will never know!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BusyPooping
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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Parry
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brainsonastick
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
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ation.

https://www.reddit.com/r/dadjokes/comments/ap9gqf/i_have_a_phd_in_procrastin/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hstpeace
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
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I’ve invented a word to explain this joke
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πŸ‘€︎ u/robrodcopp
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
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