I'm a social vegan...

I'm avoiding meets.

πŸ‘︎ 676
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
🚨︎ report
My therapist just told me I have extreme difficulty in picking up social cues.

I think she is in love with me.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
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My neighbor is stalking me by looking me up on Google and checking my social media every hour

I saw it through my telescope last night

πŸ‘︎ 102
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
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I have a friend with no social skills and a Ph.D in the history of palindromes.

I call him Dr. Awkward.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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What do you call a minty horse on social media?

A tik tok tic tac clip clop.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Adam_Gill_1965
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2021
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Social distancing doesn’t work

No matter how far apart two people are, there’s only four feet between them!

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/G3ner3x
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
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Didja know that in Turkey they have a social networking dedicated to red hats?

It's called FezBook.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eat-rainbows
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
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what did the doctor say to the man with the social media addiction?

I am very sorry sir, I am afraid your condition is not tweetable....

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eluchel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
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I'm a utilitarian when it comes to social media.

The ends justify the memes.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gingi0
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
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I don't get how it's possible to reduce the social distancing requirement from six feet to three feet.

In almost all cases its impossible to have three feet between 2 people.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bay-to-the-apple
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Social media issues

The other day I Stumbledupon my Instagram and lost Pinterest

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chuck1705
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
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What's Thanos' favourite social network?

Snapchat

πŸ‘︎ 99
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyNameSpaghette
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
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I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing...

But this is as close as I could get.

πŸ‘︎ 113
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gaaraloveless
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
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My friend gave me a book about social media as a gift.

Unfortunately, I already Reddit.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/memetric_system
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
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Imagine being held at gunpoint by (bear with me) a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on social media.

wHo the hEll would beLieve such a thing can hapPen.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SocialPerformer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
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What social media platform do chickens enjoy?

faceBAWK

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/freekingrobby
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
🚨︎ report
what's the most well-known cake in social media?

pound cake

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/de_Deus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a reptile that's always starting shit on social media?

An instagator

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oneiroknots
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a social media influencer who can also write code?

A pro-grammer

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clbull
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
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Anyone with the last name Boyce has a social responsibility to name their son Ferdinand

Come on, it’s Ferda Boyce

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stewbacca18
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
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Social distancing has led to Hooters offering delivery to your door.

They’re changing their name to Knockers.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/phishstepper
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Social Distancing Pickup Lines
  • If Covid-19 doesn't take you out, can I?
  • Is that hand sanitizer in your pocket are you happy to be within 6 ft of me?
  • Can't spell virus without U and I.
  • Do you need toilet paper cuz I can be your Prince Charmin.
  • I saw you checking me out from across the bar, stay there.
  • Hey Baby! Can I ship you a drink?
  • Can't spell quarantine without U R A Q T.

credit: some facebook post i saw.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shamblingman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I buy a new clock every time a new social movement forms.

Because the times, they are a-changin'.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EatsWatermelon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
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What happens when people refuse to social distance?

It all ends in tiers...

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ForOneDayOnly
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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If all social media came to an end

It would be post apocalyptic

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/watercolorfiddle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I heard Mike Tyson will be launching a Christian dedicated social media site.

He's calling it "Faithbook".

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chickengun
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Social distancing is just a step in the right direction.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Swanlafitte
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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The ocean must have really bad social anxiety.

It never says hi. It just waves

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Edgy_Sama
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm thinking about starting a social media network for chickens

But not as a full-time job, just as a way to make hens meet.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/infinitywee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
🚨︎ report
The Social Security Administration

Is ASS backwards.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/altgenetics
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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Social media pun
πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
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One should not recorder this kind of thing on social media
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
For my birthday, my wife got me a book about social media.

It was a sweet gesture, but I already reddit.

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DestroyatronMk8
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What do social media and dancing former vice presidents have in common?

Al Gore Rhythms

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sam_v_s
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to pee 2 spots away? We should call that "social pisstancing".

It's topical and stuff

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/paulphicles
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I love social media, I can offend thousands of people all at once...

Back in my day, I had to do it one at a time.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I am a social vegan.

I avoid meet.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Sloths are the most social animals.

They always want to hang out.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Musicferret
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I developed a successful chicken social network app to earn some money on the side.

I did it to make hens meet.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yoav-bam
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A Police officer called Roxanne told me how to social distance,

She said "don't stand, don't stand so close to me"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kishenoy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know Bennie and The Jets were the first group to social distance ?

They were so spaced-out.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/borg6510
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Hey Kids, wanta hear a dadjoke about Social Security?

Ah, nevermind, you probably won't get it anyways?

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pizzamike64
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
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I make my dog wear shoes at social events

So nobody notices his forepaws.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/salazarjohann
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Given social distancing regulations, a ton of condiment companies are being forced to cancel July 4th campaigns like sponsored concerts, where they planned to hand out signature color sunglasses to attendees.

Bad idea, Heinz-Sight 2020.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeusJZ
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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There is a lot of concern amongst the flat earth brigade with regards social distancing.

They’re worried it’s going to push people over the edge......

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrP8978
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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Due to social distancing, everyone is asking Kim Jung Un how far six feet is Exactly!

Because he is the supreme ruler.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonnyprophet
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing.

This is as close as I could get.

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My therapist told me that I have trouble interpreting social cues.

I think she’s in love with me.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried very hard to come up with a joke about social distancing.

But this is as close as I could get.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report

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