My socially anxious friend just got a PhD in palindrome studies.
π︎ 9k
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︎ Apr 12 2021
My therapist just told me I have extreme difficulty in picking up social cues.
I think she is in love with me.
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Mar 05 2021
Social distancing doesnβt work
No matter how far apart two people are, thereβs only four feet between them!
π︎ 15
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︎ Apr 15 2021
I have a friend with no social skills and a Ph.D in the history of palindromes.
π︎ 12k
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︎ Nov 20 2020
what did the doctor say to the man with the social media addiction?
I am very sorry sir, I am afraid your condition is not tweetable....
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︎ Apr 13 2021
I'm a utilitarian when it comes to social media.
The ends justify the memes.
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︎ Apr 13 2021
I don't get how it's possible to reduce the social distancing requirement from six feet to three feet.
In almost all cases its impossible to have three feet between 2 people.
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︎ Mar 19 2021
Social media issues
The other day I Stumbledupon my Instagram and lost Pinterest
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︎ Apr 14 2021
What's Thanos' favourite social network?
π︎ 102
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︎ Jan 27 2021
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing...
But this is as close as I could get.
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π
︎ Jan 17 2021
My friend gave me a book about social media as a gift.
Unfortunately, I already Reddit.
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︎ Feb 21 2021
I found pictures of Mt. Rushmore before it was carved
Its natural beauty was unpresidented
π︎ 5k
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︎ Mar 07 2021
What is a pregnant women's favourite part of a hike?
The water break...
Said this during a hike so it was all the more sweeter to hear the only two dad's chuckle.
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Feb 22 2021
What social media platform do chickens enjoy?
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︎ Mar 04 2021
what's the most well-known cake in social media?
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︎ Feb 27 2021
What do you call a reptile that's always starting shit on social media?
π︎ 7
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︎ Feb 12 2021
What do you call a social media influencer who can also write code?
π︎ 5
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︎ Feb 15 2021
Anyone with the last name Boyce has a social responsibility to name their son Ferdinand
Come on, itβs Ferda Boyce
π︎ 5
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︎ Feb 09 2021
Imagine being held at gunpoint by (bear with me) a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on social media.
wHo the hEll would beLieve such a thing can hapPen.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Apr 25 2020
I buy a new clock every time a new social movement forms.
Because the times, they are a-changin'.
π︎ 3
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︎ Jan 07 2021
What happens when people refuse to social distance?
π︎ 4
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︎ Dec 30 2020
Social distancing has led to Hooters offering delivery to your door.
Theyβre changing their name to Knockers.
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π
︎ Apr 27 2020
I heard Mike Tyson will be launching a Christian dedicated social media site.
He's calling it "Faithbook".
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︎ Dec 17 2020
My wife found out I cheated when she found all of the letters I'd been hiding
She swore she will never play Scrabble with me again
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︎ Mar 07 2021
If all social media came to an end
It would be post apocalyptic
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 16 2020
Social Distancing Pickup Lines
- If Covid-19 doesn't take you out, can I?
- Is that hand sanitizer in your pocket are you happy to be within 6 ft of me?
- Can't spell virus without U and I.
- Do you need toilet paper cuz I can be your Prince Charmin.
- I saw you checking me out from across the bar, stay there.
- Hey Baby! Can I ship you a drink?
- Can't spell quarantine without U R A Q T.
credit: some facebook post i saw.
π︎ 3k
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︎ Apr 22 2020
Why donβt ant colonies ever get sick?
.... because theyβre full of anty bodies
π︎ 9k
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︎ Dec 19 2020
Social distancing is just a step in the right direction.
π︎ 7
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︎ Oct 14 2020
The ocean must have really bad social anxiety.
It never says hi. It just waves
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︎ Nov 03 2020
I never knew making socially awkward comments was such an important part of playing golf...
But I always hearing the commentators saying "He needs to make this faux pas"
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︎ Nov 24 2020
The Social Security Administration
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 07 2020
I'm thinking about starting a social media network for chickens
But not as a full-time job, just as a way to make hens meet.
π︎ 8
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︎ Aug 26 2020
Social media pun
π︎ 21
π
︎ Aug 27 2020
What do social media and dancing former vice presidents have in common?
π︎ 3
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︎ Sep 18 2020
One should not recorder this kind of thing on social media
π︎ 15
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︎ Jun 28 2020
For my birthday, my wife got me a book about social media.
It was a sweet gesture, but I already reddit.
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︎ Aug 07 2020
I love social media, I can offend thousands of people all at once...
Back in my day, I had to do it one at a time.
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︎ Oct 31 2020
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to pee 2 spots away? We should call that "social pisstancing".
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︎ Aug 21 2020
Do you know what group of people is really struggling with the pandemic?
Flat earthers, the social distancing is really putting them over the edge.
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︎ Apr 11 2021
I am a social vegan.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 03 2020
I developed a successful chicken social network app to earn some money on the side.
I did it to make hens meet.
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︎ Oct 07 2020
Sloths are the most social animals.
They always want to hang out.
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︎ Sep 27 2020
A Police officer called Roxanne told me how to social distance,
She said "don't stand, don't stand so close to me"
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︎ Sep 29 2020
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face".
π︎ 13k
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︎ Sep 22 2020
Did you know Bennie and The Jets were the first group to social distance ?
π︎ 6
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︎ Oct 06 2020
I make my dog wear shoes at social events
So nobody notices his forepaws.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Sep 24 2020
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing.
This is as close as I could get.
π︎ 15k
π
︎ Mar 22 2020
You know what group of people that have been struggling with the pandemic?
Flat Earthers. Social distancing is really putting them over the edge
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 11 2021
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