My socially anxious friend just got a PhD in palindrome studies.

I call him Dr. Awkward

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moc_gordy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
🚨︎ report
My therapist just told me I have extreme difficulty in picking up social cues.

I think she is in love with me.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
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My neighbor is stalking me by looking me up on Google and checking my social media every hour

I saw it through my telescope last night

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
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Social distancing doesn’t work

No matter how far apart two people are, there’s only four feet between them!

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/G3ner3x
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I have a friend with no social skills and a Ph.D in the history of palindromes.

I call him Dr. Awkward.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
what did the doctor say to the man with the social media addiction?

I am very sorry sir, I am afraid your condition is not tweetable....

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eluchel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I'm a utilitarian when it comes to social media.

The ends justify the memes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gingi0
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
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I don't get how it's possible to reduce the social distancing requirement from six feet to three feet.

In almost all cases its impossible to have three feet between 2 people.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bay-to-the-apple
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Social media issues

The other day I Stumbledupon my Instagram and lost Pinterest

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chuck1705
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
🚨︎ report
What's Thanos' favourite social network?

Snapchat

πŸ‘︎ 104
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyNameSpaghette
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
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I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing...

But this is as close as I could get.

πŸ‘︎ 112
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gaaraloveless
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
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My friend gave me a book about social media as a gift.

Unfortunately, I already Reddit.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/memetric_system
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
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I found pictures of Mt. Rushmore before it was carved

Its natural beauty was unpresidented

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shiva8512
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
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What is a pregnant women's favourite part of a hike?

The water break...

Said this during a hike so it was all the more sweeter to hear the only two dad's chuckle.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pomacanthus_asfur
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
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What social media platform do chickens enjoy?

faceBAWK

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πŸ‘€︎ u/freekingrobby
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
🚨︎ report
what's the most well-known cake in social media?

pound cake

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/de_Deus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a social media influencer who can also write code?

A pro-grammer

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clbull
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
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What do you call a reptile that's always starting shit on social media?

An instagator

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oneiroknots
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Imagine being held at gunpoint by (bear with me) a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on social media.

wHo the hEll would beLieve such a thing can hapPen.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SocialPerformer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Anyone with the last name Boyce has a social responsibility to name their son Ferdinand

Come on, it’s Ferda Boyce

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stewbacca18
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Social distancing has led to Hooters offering delivery to your door.

They’re changing their name to Knockers.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/phishstepper
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I buy a new clock every time a new social movement forms.

Because the times, they are a-changin'.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EatsWatermelon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when people refuse to social distance?

It all ends in tiers...

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ForOneDayOnly
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Social Distancing Pickup Lines
  • If Covid-19 doesn't take you out, can I?
  • Is that hand sanitizer in your pocket are you happy to be within 6 ft of me?
  • Can't spell virus without U and I.
  • Do you need toilet paper cuz I can be your Prince Charmin.
  • I saw you checking me out from across the bar, stay there.
  • Hey Baby! Can I ship you a drink?
  • Can't spell quarantine without U R A Q T.

credit: some facebook post i saw.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shamblingman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I heard Mike Tyson will be launching a Christian dedicated social media site.

He's calling it "Faithbook".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chickengun
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
If all social media came to an end

It would be post apocalyptic

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/watercolorfiddle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife found out I cheated when she found all of the letters I'd been hiding

She swore she will never play Scrabble with me again

πŸ‘︎ 173
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Such-Fig-3879
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Why don’t ant colonies ever get sick?

.... because they’re full of anty bodies

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Finneagan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I got pulled over in the carpool lane.

Cop," Where's your passenger?"

Me, "Due to Social Distancing, he's in the car right behind me."

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Social distancing is just a step in the right direction.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Swanlafitte
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
The ocean must have really bad social anxiety.

It never says hi. It just waves

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Edgy_Sama
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I never knew making socially awkward comments was such an important part of playing golf...

But I always hearing the commentators saying "He needs to make this faux pas"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JackoMabreda
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
The Social Security Administration

Is ASS backwards.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/altgenetics
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm thinking about starting a social media network for chickens

But not as a full-time job, just as a way to make hens meet.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/infinitywee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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Social media pun
πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
One should not recorder this kind of thing on social media
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What do social media and dancing former vice presidents have in common?

Al Gore Rhythms

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sam_v_s
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
For my birthday, my wife got me a book about social media.

It was a sweet gesture, but I already reddit.

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DestroyatronMk8
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to pee 2 spots away? We should call that "social pisstancing".

It's topical and stuff

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/paulphicles
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I love social media, I can offend thousands of people all at once...

Back in my day, I had to do it one at a time.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I am a social vegan.

I avoid meet.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I developed a successful chicken social network app to earn some money on the side.

I did it to make hens meet.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yoav-bam
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Sloths are the most social animals.

They always want to hang out.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Musicferret
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face".

That was the punchline

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/neo-1000
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
A Police officer called Roxanne told me how to social distance,

She said "don't stand, don't stand so close to me"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kishenoy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know Bennie and The Jets were the first group to social distance ?

They were so spaced-out.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/borg6510
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I make my dog wear shoes at social events

So nobody notices his forepaws.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/salazarjohann
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing.

This is as close as I could get.

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
🚨︎ report

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