My socially anxious friend just got a PhD in palindrome studies.
My therapist just told me I have extreme difficulty in picking up social cues.
I think she is in love with me.
My neighbor is stalking me by looking me up on Google and checking my social media every hour
I saw it through my telescope last night
I have a friend with no social skills and a Ph.D in the history of palindromes.
Social distancing doesn’t work
No matter how far apart two people are, there’s only four feet between them!
Didja know that in Turkey they have a social networking dedicated to red hats?
what did the doctor say to the man with the social media addiction?
I am very sorry sir, I am afraid your condition is not tweetable....
I'm a utilitarian when it comes to social media.
The ends justify the memes.
I don't get how it's possible to reduce the social distancing requirement from six feet to three feet.
In almost all cases its impossible to have three feet between 2 people.
Social media issues
The other day I Stumbledupon my Instagram and lost Pinterest
What's Thanos' favourite social network?
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing...
But this is as close as I could get.
My friend gave me a book about social media as a gift.
Unfortunately, I already Reddit.
I found pictures of Mt. Rushmore before it was carved
Its natural beauty was unpresidented
What is a pregnant women's favourite part of a hike?
The water break...
Said this during a hike so it was all the more sweeter to hear the only two dad's chuckle.
What social media platform do chickens enjoy?
Imagine being held at gunpoint by (bear with me) a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on social media.
wHo the hEll would beLieve such a thing can hapPen.
what's the most well-known cake in social media?
What do you call a reptile that's always starting shit on social media?
What do you call a social media influencer who can also write code?
Anyone with the last name Boyce has a social responsibility to name their son Ferdinand
Come on, it’s Ferda Boyce
Social distancing has led to Hooters offering delivery to your door.
They’re changing their name to Knockers.
I buy a new clock every time a new social movement forms.
Because the times, they are a-changin'.
Social Distancing Pickup Lines
- If Covid-19 doesn't take you out, can I?
- Is that hand sanitizer in your pocket are you happy to be within 6 ft of me?
- Can't spell virus without U and I.
- Do you need toilet paper cuz I can be your Prince Charmin.
- I saw you checking me out from across the bar, stay there.
- Hey Baby! Can I ship you a drink?
- Can't spell quarantine without U R A Q T.
credit: some facebook post i saw.
What happens when people refuse to social distance?
I heard Mike Tyson will be launching a Christian dedicated social media site.
He's calling it "Faithbook".
If all social media came to an end
It would be post apocalyptic
Why don’t ant colonies ever get sick?
.... because they’re full of anty bodies
My wife found out I cheated when she found all of the letters I'd been hiding
She swore she will never play Scrabble with me again
Social distancing is just a step in the right direction.
I got pulled over in the carpool lane.
Cop," Where's your passenger?"
Me, "Due to Social Distancing, he's in the car right behind me."
The ocean must have really bad social anxiety.
It never says hi. It just waves
I'm thinking about starting a social media network for chickens
But not as a full-time job, just as a way to make hens meet.
The Social Security Administration
I never knew making socially awkward comments was such an important part of playing golf...
But I always hearing the commentators saying "He needs to make this faux pas"
One should not recorder this kind of thing on social media
For my birthday, my wife got me a book about social media.
It was a sweet gesture, but I already reddit.
What do social media and dancing former vice presidents have in common?
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to pee 2 spots away? We should call that "social pisstancing".
I love social media, I can offend thousands of people all at once...
Back in my day, I had to do it one at a time.
Sloths are the most social animals.
They always want to hang out.
I developed a successful chicken social network app to earn some money on the side.
I did it to make hens meet.
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face".
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing.
This is as close as I could get.
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