I was socializing with a new coworker, when she said: β€œyou strike me as a dad.”

I said: β€œHold on there, I wouldn’t hit you whether I had kids or not.”

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EightBeersIn
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2018
🚨︎ report
exp(x) has a hard time socializing at parties.

Every time he tries to integrate, he ends up by himself.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2018
🚨︎ report
I have a friend with no social skills and a Ph.D in the history of palindromes.

I call him Dr. Awkward.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What's Thanos' favourite social network?

Snapchat

πŸ‘︎ 98
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MyNameSpaghette
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing...

But this is as close as I could get.

πŸ‘︎ 115
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gaaraloveless
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
🚨︎ report
I buy a new clock every time a new social movement forms.

Because the times, they are a-changin'.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EatsWatermelon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when people refuse to social distance?

It all ends in tiers...

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ForOneDayOnly
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I heard Mike Tyson will be launching a Christian dedicated social media site.

He's calling it "Faithbook".

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chickengun
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
If all social media came to an end

It would be post apocalyptic

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/watercolorfiddle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don’t ant colonies ever get sick?

.... because they’re full of anty bodies

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Finneagan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Imagine being held at gunpoint by (bear with me) a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on social media.

wHo the hEll would beLieve such a thing can hapPen.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SocialPerformer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Social distancing has led to Hooters offering delivery to your door.

They’re changing their name to Knockers.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/phishstepper
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
The ocean must have really bad social anxiety.

It never says hi. It just waves

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Edgy_Sama
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Social distancing is just a step in the right direction.
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Swanlafitte
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Social Distancing Pickup Lines
  • If Covid-19 doesn't take you out, can I?
  • Is that hand sanitizer in your pocket are you happy to be within 6 ft of me?
  • Can't spell virus without U and I.
  • Do you need toilet paper cuz I can be your Prince Charmin.
  • I saw you checking me out from across the bar, stay there.
  • Hey Baby! Can I ship you a drink?
  • Can't spell quarantine without U R A Q T.

credit: some facebook post i saw.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shamblingman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I never knew making socially awkward comments was such an important part of playing golf...

But I always hearing the commentators saying "He needs to make this faux pas"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JackoMabreda
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
The Social Security Administration

Is ASS backwards.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/altgenetics
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
The Covid19 situation has been particularly stressful for the Flat Earth Society.

They fear social distancing measures will push someone over the edge.

πŸ‘︎ 291
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MissMoops
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I love social media, I can offend thousands of people all at once...

Back in my day, I had to do it one at a time.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm thinking about starting a social media network for chickens

But not as a full-time job, just as a way to make hens meet.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/infinitywee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Social media pun
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What do social media and dancing former vice presidents have in common?

Al Gore Rhythms

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sam_v_s
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
This is the peak of my social life
πŸ‘︎ 92
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I am a social vegan.

I avoid meet.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I developed a successful chicken social network app to earn some money on the side.

I did it to make hens meet.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yoav-bam
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know Bennie and The Jets were the first group to social distance ?

They were so spaced-out.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/borg6510
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Sloths are the most social animals.

They always want to hang out.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Musicferret
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
A Police officer called Roxanne told me how to social distance,

She said "don't stand, don't stand so close to me"

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kishenoy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
For my birthday, my wife got me a book about social media.

It was a sweet gesture, but I already reddit.

πŸ‘︎ 88
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DestroyatronMk8
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to pee 2 spots away? We should call that "social pisstancing".

It's topical and stuff

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/paulphicles
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face".

That was the punchline

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/neo-1000
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I make my dog wear shoes at social events

So nobody notices his forepaws.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/salazarjohann
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
One should not recorder this kind of thing on social media
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
There is a lot of concern amongst the flat earth brigade with regards social distancing.

They’re worried it’s going to push people over the edge......

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrP8978
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Hey Kids, wanta hear a dadjoke about Social Security?

Ah, nevermind, you probably won't get it anyways?

πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pizzamike64
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Due to social distancing, everyone is asking Kim Jung Un how far six feet is Exactly!

Because he is the supreme ruler.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jonnyprophet
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Given social distancing regulations, a ton of condiment companies are being forced to cancel July 4th campaigns like sponsored concerts, where they planned to hand out signature color sunglasses to attendees.

Bad idea, Heinz-Sight 2020.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DeusJZ
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm really sick of all the jokes about socialism. It's just not funny.

Unless everyone gets them.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/enganere
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I feel like I've regressed to an earlier age because of all the social distancing.

I'm now a quaranteen.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bobskimo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I think my daughter is a social vegan

She avoids meet

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Water-into-weed
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the socially distanced yoga instructor say to her students

Nama stay six feet apart from people

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chartman21
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
One should not recorder this kind of thing on social media.
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing.

This is as close as I could get.

πŸ‘︎ 15k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried my best to come up with a joke about social distancing.

But this is as close as I could get.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried very hard to come up with a joke about social distancing.

But this is as close as I could get.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing.

This is as close as I could get.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/deedubya8
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I am a social vegan.

I avoid meet.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/engineerwho_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing

But this is as close as I could get

πŸ‘︎ 112
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report

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