My therapist just told me I have extreme difficulty in picking up social cues.
I think she is in love with me.
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Mar 05 2021
I have a friend with no social skills and a Ph.D in the history of palindromes.
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Nov 20 2020
What's Thanos' favourite social network?
π︎ 102
π
︎ Jan 27 2021
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing...
But this is as close as I could get.
π︎ 112
π
︎ Jan 17 2021
My friend gave me a book about social media as a gift.
Unfortunately, I already Reddit.
π︎ 39
π
︎ Feb 21 2021
I found pictures of Mt. Rushmore before it was carved
Its natural beauty was unpresidented
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Mar 07 2021
What is a pregnant women's favourite part of a hike?
The water break...
Said this during a hike so it was all the more sweeter to hear the only two dad's chuckle.
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Feb 22 2021
what's the most well-known cake in social media?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 27 2021
What do you call a social media influencer who can also write code?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 15 2021
What do you call a reptile that's always starting shit on social media?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Feb 12 2021
Anyone with the last name Boyce has a social responsibility to name their son Ferdinand
Come on, itβs Ferda Boyce
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 09 2021
I buy a new clock every time a new social movement forms.
Because the times, they are a-changin'.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 07 2021
Imagine being held at gunpoint by (bear with me) a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on social media.
wHo the hEll would beLieve such a thing can hapPen.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Apr 25 2020
My wife found out I cheated when she found all of the letters I'd been hiding
She swore she will never play Scrabble with me again
π︎ 173
π
︎ Mar 07 2021
What happens when people refuse to social distance?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 30 2020
I heard Mike Tyson will be launching a Christian dedicated social media site.
He's calling it "Faithbook".
π︎ 20
π
︎ Dec 17 2020
If all social media came to an end
It would be post apocalyptic
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 16 2020
Why donβt ant colonies ever get sick?
.... because theyβre full of anty bodies
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Dec 19 2020
Social distancing has led to Hooters offering delivery to your door.
Theyβre changing their name to Knockers.
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Apr 27 2020
Social Distancing Pickup Lines
- If Covid-19 doesn't take you out, can I?
- Is that hand sanitizer in your pocket are you happy to be within 6 ft of me?
- Can't spell virus without U and I.
- Do you need toilet paper cuz I can be your Prince Charmin.
- I saw you checking me out from across the bar, stay there.
- Hey Baby! Can I ship you a drink?
- Can't spell quarantine without U R A Q T.
credit: some facebook post i saw.
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Apr 22 2020
Social distancing is just a step in the right direction.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Oct 14 2020
The ocean must have really bad social anxiety.
It never says hi. It just waves
π︎ 33
π
︎ Nov 03 2020
I never knew making socially awkward comments was such an important part of playing golf...
But I always hearing the commentators saying "He needs to make this faux pas"
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 24 2020
The Social Security Administration
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 07 2020
I'm thinking about starting a social media network for chickens
But not as a full-time job, just as a way to make hens meet.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Aug 26 2020
Social media pun
π︎ 22
π
︎ Aug 27 2020
I love social media, I can offend thousands of people all at once...
Back in my day, I had to do it one at a time.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 31 2020
What do social media and dancing former vice presidents have in common?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 18 2020
For my birthday, my wife got me a book about social media.
It was a sweet gesture, but I already reddit.
π︎ 89
π
︎ Aug 07 2020
One should not recorder this kind of thing on social media
π︎ 18
π
︎ Jun 28 2020
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to pee 2 spots away? We should call that "social pisstancing".
π︎ 11
π
︎ Aug 21 2020
I am a social vegan.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 03 2020
I developed a successful chicken social network app to earn some money on the side.
I did it to make hens meet.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 07 2020
A Police officer called Roxanne told me how to social distance,
She said "don't stand, don't stand so close to me"
π︎ 11
π
︎ Sep 29 2020
Sloths are the most social animals.
They always want to hang out.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Sep 27 2020
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face".
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Sep 22 2020
Did you know Bennie and The Jets were the first group to social distance ?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 06 2020
The Covid19 situation has been particularly stressful for the Flat Earth Society.
They fear social distancing measures will push someone over the edge.
π︎ 297
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
I make my dog wear shoes at social events
So nobody notices his forepaws.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Sep 24 2020
What do you call an ant that has been shunned by his community?
π︎ 14
π
︎ Feb 25 2021
There is a lot of concern amongst the flat earth brigade with regards social distancing.
Theyβre worried itβs going to push people over the edge......
π︎ 13
π
︎ Sep 06 2020
Hey Kids, wanta hear a dadjoke about Social Security?
Ah, nevermind, you probably won't get it anyways?
π︎ 72
π
︎ Jun 21 2020
Given social distancing regulations, a ton of condiment companies are being forced to cancel July 4th campaigns like sponsored concerts, where they planned to hand out signature color sunglasses to attendees.
Bad idea, Heinz-Sight 2020.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jun 26 2020
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing.
This is as close as I could get.
π︎ 15k
π
︎ Mar 22 2020
I tried very hard to come up with a joke about social distancing.
But this is as close as I could get.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jul 21 2020
I tried my best to come up with a joke about social distancing.
But this is as close as I could get.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Aug 26 2020
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