A list of puns related to "Second grade"
Daughter: Hey Daddy, I got this new water bottle and it makes a cool noise
Me: Hey, that's pretty cool, it sounds like a dolphin
Daughter: I know, I'm doing it on porpoise
Me: :rolleyes:
Daughter smirk giggle guffaw
He couldn't spell.
There was, for instance, the time he conducted a crew of new S.A.R.H. (Society for the Aesthetic Rearrangement of History -BJ) recruits โ all from late twentieth-century Terra โ on a training study of Carterโs World, a newly established agricultural colony attempting to support itself by the export of edible nuts. Barely into their second generation, and having yet to show a profit, the colonists were technologically backward. Nevertheless, they showed a surprising ingenuity in the use of their few advantages. It was this resourcefulness that Feghoot was demonstrating to his rookies.
โLook at the perfection with which these streets are gradedโ, exclaimed one student. โEarth-moving machinery on this scale is strictly high technology stuff. How can they do it?โ
โA new alleyway is being constructed, nearbyโ, said Feghoot. โLet us walk that way while I explain.โ As they strolled, he told his students that countless centuries before, the Carterโs World system had been inhabited by a now-vanished race of giants. This very planet had served them for a nursery, and among the many artifacts they had left were thousands of childrens blocks, immense and precision-cut. You simply jack one up onto logs, bring it where you want it, put collapsible jacks underneath, snake out the logs, spread soil more or less evenly beneath, and collapse the jacks.
โI seeโ, said the student. โItโs not graded road at all; its a simple hammered-earth base.โ
โThatโs right,โ Feghoot went on smoothly. โYou just hit the road jack and donโt come back no mo.โ
His students registered dismay and anguish.
โIsnโt that right, old-timer?,โ Feghoot demanded of an ancient Carterian standing by the mouth of the newly completed alley they had just reached.
โAhm afraid not, suhโ, said the senior citizen, and the students giggled at Feghoots discomfiture. โOh, we used to do it that way, but it was far too much trouble. Itโs the soil heah. You see, the very same soil which produced our famous cashews is so high in clay content that a child could roll out a road of it. Then, we simply use a system of lenses to bake it into hardness. Ahve just completed this alley mahself, and ahm just a retired professor of Sports History, much too old and feeble to handle hydraulic jacks.
โSo you see,โ he finished, eyes twinkling, โMah hammered alley is really cashews clay.โ
Howls of agony rose from the students, but Feghoot never hesitated. โAnd heโ, he said, turning to his students, โis clearly the gradi
... keep reading on reddit โกA high schooler wants to ask his best female friend to prom. Because theyโve been friends for so long, he really wants to make his โpromposalโ special. He talks to his friends, he talks to her friends, and spends days planning the perfect moment. Happily, she says yes!
Over the next couple of months, she sends him different styles and colors of ideas for her dress. He tells honestly that sheโs always been beautiful to him, and privately to himself, he is now realizing he has strong feelings for her. He knows he needs to tell her.
The night of the prom, heโs extremely anxious. What if he says something stupid? What if she laughs at him or doesnโt return his feelings? What if she thinks heโs a terrible dancer? All of these thoughts are swirling around in his mind as both their parents fuss over them and make them pose for a million photos.
They get to the prom and heโs even more anxious. Itโs dark, itโs loud, itโs crowded. They have to shout to be heard. But she grabs his hand, leads him to the dance floor, and they forget everything and everyone around them. A while later, as the songs have gotten slower, he can feel his heart pounding. He thinks itโs finally the right time. He leans down and whispers the truth in her ear, the truth about having loved her since they met in second grade. She starts to cry happy tears, saying sheโs always loved him too, and they kiss. As the song ends and changes to something fast again, he asks her if sheโd like to sit and have a drink. She says yes, could he please get her some punch?
He feels like heโs walking on clouds as he goes over to where the drinks and food are laid out. He wants to get back to her right away and hopes he doesnโt have to wait too long at the refreshments table.
He makes his way through the crowd, and is able to get their drinks and return to his waiting love within just a couple of minutes. Because, would you believe it?
There was no punch line.
Crawdads, doodads, hodads, your mom, the babysitter, your second-grade primary school teacher ...
Son: Dad, I turn 16 in a few months and would really like a car for my birthday.
Father: Well son, Iโll make a deal with you. If you do three things for me, Iโll get you the car. First, you need to improve your grades. Second, I want you to see you in church every Sunday. And finally, I want you to cut your long hair.
A FEW MONTHS PASS
Son: Dad, next week is my birthday and Iโve done everything you asked. Can I get a car?
Father: I did notice you got straight Aโs on your report card and Iโve seen you at church every Sunday. But you didnโt cut you hair. I told you to cut your hair.
Son: I wanted to talk to you about that. In bible study I learned that Moses, John the Baptist, and Jesus all had long hair.
Father: Yes they did. And they walked everywhere they went.
Sucks. He would have made a great second grade treasurer.
There once was a man who had a job driving a passenger train between two large towns. It could be a very dull job to some, but as the old saying goes, one man's trash is another's gold; he wanted to be a railroad man since he was a boy.
He was a wiz behind the controls of the train, and commanded the 15 car vehicle effortlessly as if he had been born to do the job. He prided himself on the fact that he could bend the rules and speed through curves and grades that made other motormen shiver and back off.
One day however, he wasn't so lucky and came round a bend too fast and derailed his train. He backed off the throttle and braked as much as he could, managing to only have one fatality out of 500 passengers on his train.
Months later there was a trial and he was found guilty of manslaughter in the highest degree, a capital offence in that land, and sentenced to die by electric chair. Punishment came swift, unlike most places, and 3 days after sentencing the former railroader was asked for his last meal.
"I'll have a banana," "Just a single banana?" said the perplexed guard. "The warden will grant you a feast and all you want is that?"
"Just a single banana." he said.
After he downed the fruit, he was strapped into the electric chair an hour later.... The warden hit the switch, lights flickered, and the crackle of electricity could be heard for over a minute...
...but our train jockey instead rose from the chair looking more like he got a stiff massage, rather than be put to death! Well in that nation, the law of the land states that if a man somehow survives being put to death, they must be set free...
...And so it came to pass that our engineer was let go...
And for whatever reason, he got his job back!
So he was back railroading again doing the job that he loved. You'd think he'd have been more cautious with this second chance he'd been given, but you'd also be wrong. Speedy Gonzales with a train license decided to gun his locomotive to hard and send it off the tracks again!
Of course, this time he was tried for the same crime, but at a different time (his was a fair commonwealth and double indemnity was simply unheard of!) So fair was their nation, that the jury came up with the same judgement and punishment. So three days later, when asked for his last meal, the engineer simply said "I'll have 2 bananas..."
Not less than 60 minutes after consuming the last morsel was he strapped into the chair and the switch thrown... And....
NOTHING.
... keep reading on reddit โกSo, it's service week at my school and I decided to serve locally at a nearby elementary school. I was assigned to a 3rd grade class. On the second day, the whole class was setting up Google Classroom, and after completing it, one of the little buggers looked at me said with a huge smile
"I'm done!"
Being a man of culture, I naturally responded with
"Hi Done! I'm [Dakkadence]."
The little girl looked at me, groaned, and facepalmed. She whined
"That's my dad's joke!"
With kids getting such an upbringing, I'm slowly regaining my faith for the next generation.
Edit: A word.
Context: My mom (a 5th-grade teacher) was grading papers one evening. Dad was helping. I'm a college student, had visited for a bit, and was on my way back to school.
Mom said, jokingly, "You know you want to stay and sort papers!"
"Yeah!" dad said. "It'll be like we're all part of a conSORTium!"
...
It took me a second, but I cringed.
Dad laughed to himself for the rest of the evening.
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