Getting karma should be as easy as cake.
Me: do you want ranch or blue cheese? 3yr old: ranch is for horses
Little guy Caught me off guard lol
He said "Maybe next time you should get premie carrots instead."
They wave.
Because the chicken had the day off.
Neither my wife or I have any idea where she heard this. And she isn’t divulging her sources. Hilarious.
Edit: The first joke she’s told in general. And happened to be a dad joke. :-)
"NO I WANT A WHOLE BUN"
She's well on her way to being the dad I never had
What's wobbly in the sky A jellycopter
Not the best execution, but I'm happy he's joining the tradition of bad jokes
My wife told my almost three year old son that they would be making Christmas cookies with frosting. My son then said he didn’t like frosting. When my wife asked why, he said it was because the frosting would “sting” him.
Frosting. Frost-sting.
I’m so proud of him.
Wow, that blue spider is so beautiful! It’s Blue-tiful!
I’m so proud.
I don't know what's tomatoe with him
Out of a total of ten
Me: Mommy tells me that all the time.
He has a near photographic memory, I'm hoping one day when he's twenty he coughs out his cold cereal in college as he gets the joke.
That's a long time considering they're working around the clock.
But I stopped because I didn't have the patients
Those are the years you’re in your prime
I don't think he need that lunch anymore. He already 8
It was the right triangle.
It might be stupid, but 10/10 wood post again.
I haven’t heard from him since
How should i know, i don't have 2020 vision.
Mum: Wash your hands
Child: Ok Mum (starts to sing very loudly)
Mum: ....in silence!
Child: Don’t be silly Mum....we wash our hands in the sink!
Her: "Nothing"
Me: "We're all out of Nothing would you like something else?"
Her: "Banana"
DAD JOKES SAVE LIVES
He sure axolotl questions!
I'm pushing my shopping cart to the cart corral after this loading my car with groceries. This lady is walking to the store and asks "Is that a good one" I says "yeah, I just had her tuned up" and then " it runs pretty smooth". All I got was a smile from her but I couldn't stop laughing on the inside myself.
It might be stupid, but it's a perfect 5/7, wood repost again.
And I'm not a mourning person.
"F-U-C-K, I'll scream ahhhhh!"
"What was that, son?"
"If you see K-ocodile (crocodile), scream, 'AHHHHH!'"
She said no both times
We were watching Cars 2. In this movie, there is a scene where one of the characters, 'Mater' (a happy go lucky 'southern' towtruck) eats a bunch of wasabi thinking it's pistachio icecream. My 3 year old turns to me and says " hehe, he ate spice-cream" then burst out laughing.
Me: Do you pick your nose when you're on your tablet?
Child: No! I pick my nose other times too!
“I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith..”
“Really, what’s the name of his other leg?”
She tells both lines and laughs loudly saying “that’s funny Daddy”...
Love it.
We were playing "restaurant", and this was a special restaurant that only only animals went to.
In the middle of playing a family of goats came to the restaurant and they were ordering their food.
"Daddy, what's the baby goat going to eat?"
"The kid's meal"
I cracked myself up
I Scream - aaaarrrhhhhh...
Even better when actually a true story!
So my daughter was full last night, so I gave her the ol' "Hi Full, I'm Daddy!" for the very first time.
She paused, looked at me like I was dumb, and said "My NAME is not Full. I AM full."
"Hi Not Full, I'm Daddy!"
She paused again, and said "My NAME is not Not Full. I'm full!"
"Hi Not Not Full, I'm Daddy!"
She figures out that this could go on forever and cracks up laughing. When she finishes she looks at me with a glimmer in her eye and tells me "I feel full." She never says "I'm full" now, and always uses "I feel full."
I'm not really sure where to go from here, guys. Help?
Since its a big, it was touching the ground my whole time. I turn to my wife and say "Did you know T-Rex are mythical beasts? See it's a draggin'"
I guess you can say I lost interest in that relationship
It's Dinner time-
3y.o.: "Papa you spoon." ( which translates to - please feed me).
Me: "You spoon, I'm busy forking."
3y.o.: "Papa, fork yourself."
edit- Thank you for all the love. Forgot to mention the 3y.o. in question is a she.
And my wife of 15 years is still mad about it.
Fridge
I told him, "I think my feet are too big."
It might be stupid, but 10/10 wood post again.
That's a long time considering they're working around the clock.
It might be stupid, but 10/10 wood post again.
Like come on guys, I don't have 2020 vision
