My girlfriend was angry but Dave and I thought it was hilarious!
"Yes." she replied.
"Well, the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good stuff, then whatever is left over, comes out of our bottoms when we go to the toilet! And that, is poo!"
She looked a little perplexed, stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds and asked, "And Tigger?"
He retorted, "Don't call me Three Years Old I'm Dad."
I have never been more proud.
He was resisting a rest.
I haven’t heard from him since
I can’t afford anything.
I guess you can say there are more than TUA picks for them.
I haven’t looked back since.
Turns out he’s just a C student.
My husband whispers is my year: “in your pants, and daddy’s coming!”
Came home from work, squatted down, held out my arms and asked my son where my hug was. Without missing a beat he looks over his shoulder and says, "I don't see it anywhere."
My three + 1/2 year old came home from childcare with this gem.
Knock knock - who's there - I smell mop - I smell mop who (say it aloud)...
Family was watching a show about the Armageddon and I asked why they chose to watch the Armageddon and not th LEGageddon. Grampa says to turn the Armageddon program Armagedoff
It’s not a pointless relationship
So you're all going to know some personal info about me: my middle name is Mansfield.
My youngest daughter is obsessed with middle names. She'll ask complete strangers what their middle name is. Not their name, not their surname, just their middle name.
She asked (again) what my middle name is, so I replied
> Mansfield
She said "Well I'm going to call mamma's middle name is Ladysfield... and mine Girlsfield"
...
At three she out dad-joked me
He thinks he's funny.
We were at a kid's birthday party, and there was a play mailbox. She opened it, and pulled out a big foam letter "T". I said, "Hey look, someone sent you a letter!"
Neither she nor any of the other parents got it. (Or at least let on that they did.)
Nephew was dressed as a hot dog for Halloween.
Me: Go ahead to the next house we will catch up Nephew (looking dejected): I don't have any ketchup.
She said "No" both times.
I told them, "Come on guys, I don't have 2020 vision!"
http://imgur.com/wthwRkC
We were making a wooden frame for the family picture. Me " I got glue on my fingers." Son " looks like you're in a sticky situation"
On the way to the beach I asked him if he thought we were going to a sandy beach, or a rocky beach. He replied with, " A sandy beach, that's why it's called San Diego!"
"I don't want to scare you, but... you have a skeleton hiding in your body."
So this was in the summer of 2011 and at the time this song was a big hit: Medina - You and I. The important part here is the chorus, starting at 0:44.
So in the middle of the song I ask my friend "Do you know what kind of car this singer drives?"
"No idea", she said. To which I replied "A hyu-n-dai."
She almost threw me out of the car.
I was leaving for work and my son said he and my wife were going to build a sand castle in the backyard. I told him to make sure she took a picture of it because I wanted to see it. He replied "do you want her to... sand it to you?" (with the correct pause and emphasis). Then he started giggling. As I walked the house gathering my things for work, he followed me, repeating the joke another three times.
"And now we make the dough." "Why?" "Because we knead to!"
Is it nice out? It's so nice out I almost left it out. Is it cold out? I don't know. The temperature is so low I couldn't take it out. Is it hot out? I don't know. Ask your mom.
I know, it's a bleak question for a 5 year old, but this is the shit kids ask. Anyways, I told him that the best way to keep from dying is Robitussin. He didn't understand why and asked "Why will Robitussin keep me alive?"
To which I replied, "Nothing stops the coffin like Robitussin!"
I haven’t heard from him since!
