Subtraction, addition, multiplication, and
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︎ Apr 06 2021
In addition to Taiwan, the US has also sold torpedoes to Vietnam. Rather than pay money, they traded with a huge bulk of food. The weapons are now called ...
Pho Ton Torpedoes.
(A consequence of reading a front page post about the sale to Taiwan while watching ST:TNG.)
π︎ 29
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︎ May 21 2020
In The Matrix, Neo's mother was good at addition
She knew how to carry The One
π︎ 571
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︎ Dec 03 2019
I'm putting an addition on my roof.
It's a little room where I can sit and watch movies like The Godfather and Apocalypse Now.
It's a Francis Ford Cupola.
π︎ 3
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︎ Sep 02 2020
My teacher says I'm pretty good at addition but I'm terrible at subtraction.
I don't get the difference.
π︎ 483
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︎ Jun 10 2019
Why does it feel so good to find the solution to addition problems?
The answer is always whole-sum
π︎ 6
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︎ May 17 2020
My brother-in-law taught his offspring a seasoning that is an excellent addition to omelets and egg strata...
It was good father-son-thyme.
π︎ 8
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︎ Apr 26 2020
In addition to being a pacifist, Gandhi was a baker.
Because of this, he made a lot of Naan-violence.
π︎ 5
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︎ Feb 19 2020
Son: Dad, in math, does the word product mean to use addition?
Dad: No son, I think you need sum vocabulary lessons.
π︎ 6
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︎ Apr 10 2020
In addition to fixing customers shoes, the local cobbler moonlighted as a shoe salesman...
He often found old used shoes in thrift stores and re-soled them.
π︎ 7
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︎ Mar 01 2020
My friend Adam was telling me how, in addition to marrying a hot super model whose daddy bought the house he lives in and the car he drives just for marrying his daughter, he was also sexing up a hot stewardess. I found it hard to believe...
Because Adams make up everything!
π︎ 9
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︎ Nov 20 2019
An Arabian camel wanted to race in the Kentucky Derby but couldn't because in addition to being a camel, he had a hump.
So he came up with a plan: he would have his hump removed surgically and run as a horse in the Derby. He went online and finally found a plastic surgeon who would do the operation. And lo and behold, the first time he entered the Derby he won by 20 lengths!
Back in the desert, every time a camel friend would come over, he would boast pompously about his win, talking about nothing else. Pretty soon, his friends stopped coming over. So he has to go to the camel bar to see them.
Upon entering the bar, one of his tired friends says to another, "oh no! Here comes Hump free braggart."
π︎ 4
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︎ Mar 20 2020
I can't believe my ex wanted the expanse of open rolling infertile land in addition to my trailer home...
She wanted my mansion and moor!
π︎ 5
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︎ Feb 09 2020
Feeling a little low, I decided to peruse the local record shop for a new addition to my music collection.
Drifting down the alphabetised rock section, nothing really appealed to me from A-M. Disappointed, I moved around to the other side of the rack when suddenly I felt uplifted, content and at one with the universe.
I had reached Nirvana.
π︎ 6
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︎ Jan 30 2019
I read earlier that the zoo was installing an exercise equipment addition to the marine mammal exhibit to help make the animals stronger.
They're going to have a bunch of flex seals on their hands.
π︎ 4
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︎ Apr 11 2019
Thereβs a fine line between a division sign and a addition sign
π︎ 15
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︎ Aug 21 2018
What do you call a dog that loves addition?
π︎ 2
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︎ Oct 28 2018
I recently bought the perfect addition for my Batman themed bathroom...
... A bottle of Conditioner Gordon.
π︎ 5
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︎ Apr 06 2018
βͺIn addition to themselves, some monarchs also refer to their liquid waste using plural pronouns.
It is, after all, the royal wee.β¬
π︎ 6
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︎ Feb 18 2018
How can you tell when the God of Thunder has been doing Addition?
It's easy: it stands out like a Thor Sum.
π︎ 5
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︎ Apr 10 2015
At my brother's home addition
My brother was remodeling his house and a new bedroom was almost completed except for cleanup of sawdust, caulking, and other random construction leftover bits.
I grabbed a shop vac hose and began cleaning, making sure to point out that it made a pretty good caulk-sucker.
π︎ 26
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︎ Jul 09 2015
A geologist is showing off some the latest additions to her collection
when coincidentally another geologist passes by. These 'gems' catch his eyes. His curiosity becomes anger and he exclaims,
"I just had a few prized finds of my own go missing a few days ago. Where did you get these!?".
The other geologist replies, "Well, that's none of your Bismuth".
π︎ 3
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︎ Aug 10 2016
Sister's fiance is going to be a welcome addition to the family
Fiance: "I'm feeling a little bit light headed."
-proceeds to put head into the hands of my sister as if hands were a scale.
I clapped for about 20 seconds and then gave him a hug.
π︎ 20
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︎ Dec 25 2013
Spicy thanksgiving dadjoke....and a bonus brother-in-law addition!
Honey, can you give me some sage advice on cutting the turkey?
B-I-L addition: We'll give you some tyme.....
π︎ 2
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︎ Nov 28 2014
The answer to an addition problem is the...
π︎ 7
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︎ Sep 30 2019
My teacher says I'm pretty good at addition but I'm terrible at subtraction.
I don't get the difference.
π︎ 108
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︎ Sep 23 2018
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