I made a pun-based business, mailing real life puns to UK residents reddit.com/gallery/kzek6g
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πŸ‘€︎ u/postpuns
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
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Me (in UK): officer, just enquiring, are you a fan of the music of Sting?

Me: the reason why I'm asking is that you are a member of the Police

Officer: please, Don't stand so close to me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kishenoy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
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From a random UK_food thread, took me two reads but nice subtle pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BoabHonker
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
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Just found out there's a Law & Order UK.

It's produced by Spotted Dick Wolf.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/noapostrophe555
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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Birmingham (UK) man loses job after 45 years at company

A Brummie was made redundant after working for the same company for 45 years. He quickly gets an interview with one of his ex companies rivals. His friends advise him that he should wear a suit and tie to the interview to try and make a good impression, unfortunately the interview is the same day and his only suit he has is the one he wore to his original interview in 1975.

He quickly gets dressed in his brown suit, complete with flares, wide lapels and a kipper tie.

He made quite the impression on his entrance and when the interviewer invited him into his office, he said "nice kipper tie" to which he replied " milk and 2 sugars please"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/adidassamba
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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What do you call a small mother in the UK?

Minimum

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xace49
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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This eatery in Bolton, UK confidentials.com/manches…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StephenHunterUK
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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In the UK we now have new Covid alert levels

I knew it would end in tiers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Goldygold2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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Oh, to live in the UK.

Gaining 25 pounds is a good thing there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/outtastudy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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The UK doesnt have a kidney bank...

but it does have a Liverpool

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMisterDuck
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
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Stephen Hawking was from the UK

But if he was from the US, he would be Stephen YeeHawking

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AdventClobe
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
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Anarchy in UK πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§ v.redd.it/vmfmik0sekc41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/travischapmanart
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
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My friend Miles has just gotten his UK citizenship.

He is now known as Kilometres.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jay-ay
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
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How much free space will the UK free up after leaving the EU?

1 GB

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πŸ‘€︎ u/space0watch
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
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β€œBe careful!” My friend told me. β€œPeople in the UK drive on the left side of the road”

Thanks to him I guess I’ll be all right

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πŸ‘€︎ u/raumerino
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
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(UK) A B-road walks into a bar.

The B-road starts bragging extensively about his status as a B-road. The bar staff and patrons aren't impressed.

Then, an A-road struts in. The A-road immediately starts criticising the B-road, whilst also bragging about his own status. The two get into a big argument, and the patrons are starting to get riled up.

Then, a motorway barges his way into the bar, and starts boasting that he is better than the A-road and B-road combined. The argument escalates, and some customers grab their belongings, preparing to leave.

And then, a solid white line walks into the bar.

The whole bar falls silent. The argument stops dead in its tracks, and the three roads immediately disperse, avoiding eye contact with the new customer.

The solid white line goes up to the bar, orders a drink, and consumes it slowly. The bar is still silent. As soon as he is finished, the solid white line turns and leaves the bar without a word. The three roads breathe a sigh of relief.

The barman is astounded. "What the hell was that about?!" he exclaims.

"We don't mess with him" mutters the motorway.

"Why not?"

"He's a cycle path".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
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There’s nothing that’s state owned in The UK

It’s kingdom owned

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πŸ‘€︎ u/M-Bumtaia
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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In the UK, weights are really expensive,

A 45 kilo kettle bell is 100 pounds!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kishenoy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
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Why do laptops weigh more in the UK compared to US?

The keyboard adds an extra pound.

Β£

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dreizo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
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After Brexit, will you need a visa to travel from the UK to Europe and visa versa?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jjoojjoojj
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
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(People from the UK will get this) What key opens every door?

A Pikey

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_lone_deviant
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
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Today is Boxing Day in the UK, Canada, New Zealand, and Australia. Do you know when Boxing Day is celebrated in the United States?

Black Friday

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justainsel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
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Everywhere else it’s July 24 except the UK

where it’s the end of May.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZonieDrew
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
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What did the McDonalds US patty say to the McDonalds UK patty?

I’m a HAMerican.

(Yes I know it sounds dumb but I get a laugh out of it sometimes because of how dumb it is.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ABritishRedditor
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
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Soccer Moms in the UK
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πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
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No bills will be passed in the UK parliament because ...

Where there's a bill Theresa May

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πŸ‘€︎ u/non-celibate
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
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Snap election in the UK? That could mean that June is the end of May!

(Theresa May is UK prime minister)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TenNinetythree
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2017
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Do you know some words (like color/colour or favorite/ favourite) are spelled differently in the US than in the UK?

It's because when the United States declared independence, they said, "we don't want u anymore."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlakaDAYUM
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
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(UK people may find this funny)

Tesco have taken 1p off petrol it is now called etrol

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MickDagger28
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
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Australians are importing kitchen worktops from the UK...

....they call them pommigranites.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
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Which UK politician is against deforestation?

Treesa May.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
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Why did the marine biologist travel to the UK?

He wanted to see Wales.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/big_macaroons
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
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What do people call Miley Cyrus in the UK ?

Kilometrey Cyrus

.

.

Edit: *USA πŸ˜“

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πŸ‘€︎ u/music_snobbbb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2018
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We're getting a new pound coin in the UK soon, but I hate it...

I don't like change.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bfreak
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2015
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My dad got me while listing the legislative buildings of several countries. He said, β€œThe US has Capitol Hill, Germany has the Reichstag Building, the UK has the Palace of Westminster...

...and Australia has the Outback Statehouse.”

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2018
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If you’re considered a Punny guy in North America, does that make you a Punter in The UK?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DjBWren
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2017
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A Dad joke that only works in the UK.

Mum: Your cousin has had a baby!

Dad: Thats nice.

Mum: It was 7 pounds 6.

Dad: Blimey that's cheap.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crumbford
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2013
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Camping shop in the UK
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πŸ‘€︎ u/calmdownlad
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2015
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Did you hear about the gym teacher who's fled the uk after allegedly having 'relations' with one of his student?

Police say he's done a runner.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SergeantSquare
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2014
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You know the most common owl in the UK?

Tea-towel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jezreel62
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2018
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Conclusion of UK leaving EU

You could say the EU now has 1 GB of free space

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Emberium
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2016
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