Late night in Glasgow

Was walking along to a club late at night in Glasgow (considered a dangerous city in the UK) and an elderly man says to us:

"You better keep your eyes open tonight lads"

To which we reply "why, what's going on tonight?"

"Because you'll not be able to see where you're going with them shut"

👍︎ 71
📅︎ Sep 29 2013
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My Sherlock Holmes themed Monopoly board is exactly 12 inches

The game is a foot!

👍︎ 36
👤︎ u/vbloke
📅︎ Oct 16 2020
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What does a Scottish man say when someone steals his drink at the pub?

“Oi! Where’d me Glasgow?”

👍︎ 17
📅︎ Jan 21 2020
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I found an hourglass in Scotland.

Now I'm just wondering - where'd my Glasgow?

👍︎ 3
📅︎ Oct 19 2019
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My joke went unappreciated today

I was walking in Glasgow waiting to meet my girl and a charity worker stopped me to talk, I read his shirt and it said something about deaf people. So when he started talking and wanted a respsonse I just said "Sorry I couldn't hear you". I was expecting a giggle atleast. Nope, cold stare.

👍︎ 18
📅︎ Aug 21 2014
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