The winner and the 9 runner ups: "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets"
She enters a ward full of patients, and notices that they’re all dressed in street clothes and have no obvious sign of injury or illness. The Queen approaches a patient and greets him. The patient replies:
“My heart’s in the Highlands, my heart is not here, My heart’s in the Highlands, a-chasing the deer.”
The Queen is confused, but smiles and moves on to greet the next patient. The patient responds:
“Some hae meat an’ canna eat, And some wad eat tha’ want it, But we hae meat an’ we can eat, so let the Lord be thankit.”
Even more confused, and smiling even more broadly, the Queen moves on to the next patient who immediately begins to chant:
“My love is like a red, red rose that’s newly sprung in June; My love is like the melody that’s sweetly played in tune.”
Now very confused, the Queen turns to the accompanying doctor and asks, “Is this a psychiatric ward?”
“No, Your Majesty,” replies the doctor. “This is the serious Burns unit.”
I've decided to sell my Hoover ... well, it was just collecting dust
... "you know" says the bartender "we don't get many of your type around here".
Because it's a nice jester
I think I might have Florets.
(Edinburgh fringe festival 2019: credit to the comedian Olaf Falafel)
One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
During my 21st birthday this year, I was on a train back from Edinburgh to London. Halfway through the journey the train came to a halt, and the driver announced that the standstill was due to a herd of cows crossing the track.
Without any hesitation I exclaimed "well, it doesn't look like we're gonna be mooooving for quite some time..."
Everyone on the carriage groaned accordingly.