I said, “Do you like avocado?”
She said, “No, I aven’t even passed me driving test yet”
He already feels hundreds of pounds lighter.
Thats a site for sore eyes
Me: the reason why I'm asking is that you are a member of the Police
Officer: please, Don't stand so close to me
A Pensacola
It's produced by Spotted Dick Wolf.
A Brummie was made redundant after working for the same company for 45 years. He quickly gets an interview with one of his ex companies rivals. His friends advise him that he should wear a suit and tie to the interview to try and make a good impression, unfortunately the interview is the same day and his only suit he has is the one he wore to his original interview in 1975.
He quickly gets dressed in his brown suit, complete with flares, wide lapels and a kipper tie.
He made quite the impression on his entrance and when the interviewer invited him into his office, he said "nice kipper tie" to which he replied " milk and 2 sugars please"
I knew it would end in tiers
Gaining 25 pounds is a good thing there.
but it does have a Liverpool
But if he was from the US, he would be Stephen YeeHawking
He is now known as Kilometres.
1 GB
The B-road starts bragging extensively about his status as a B-road. The bar staff and patrons aren't impressed.
Then, an A-road struts in. The A-road immediately starts criticising the B-road, whilst also bragging about his own status. The two get into a big argument, and the patrons are starting to get riled up.
Then, a motorway barges his way into the bar, and starts boasting that he is better than the A-road and B-road combined. The argument escalates, and some customers grab their belongings, preparing to leave.
And then, a solid white line walks into the bar.
The whole bar falls silent. The argument stops dead in its tracks, and the three roads immediately disperse, avoiding eye contact with the new customer.
The solid white line goes up to the bar, orders a drink, and consumes it slowly. The bar is still silent. As soon as he is finished, the solid white line turns and leaves the bar without a word. The three roads breathe a sigh of relief.
The barman is astounded. "What the hell was that about?!" he exclaims.
"We don't mess with him" mutters the motorway.
"Why not?"
"He's a cycle path".
A 45 kilo kettle bell is 100 pounds!
The keyboard adds an extra pound.
£
It’s kingdom owned
A Pikey
where it’s the end of May.
Black Friday
(Theresa May is UK prime minister)
I’m a HAMerican.
(Yes I know it sounds dumb but I get a laugh out of it sometimes because of how dumb it is.)
Where there's a bill Theresa May
It's because when the United States declared independence, they said, "we don't want u anymore."
Tesco have taken 1p off petrol it is now called etrol
....they call them pommigranites.
Treesa May.
He wanted to see Wales.
Kilometrey Cyrus
.
.
Edit: *USA 😓
I don't like change.
Mum: Your cousin has had a baby!
Dad: Thats nice.
Mum: It was 7 pounds 6.
Dad: Blimey that's cheap.
