I hate peer pressure

Unless my friends like it, then I guess it's cool

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pray4judo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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My five yo son asked how he could spell pier...

So I said "it depends on which pier you mean. Can you use it in a sentence?"

His reply: "Yes. How do you spell pier?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tobiasosor
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2021
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A reporter interviewed a 103-year old woman: β€œAnd what is the best thing about being 103?” the reporter asked.

The woman simply replied, β€œNo peer pressure.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
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Everyone in my peer group was using State Farm for insurance...

So I decided to go with the Flo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
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It might crack under pressure.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SorenRL
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
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Pier like peer lol πŸ˜‚
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πŸ‘€︎ u/youre-boi-alosha
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2018
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TIL about Arda Djoques, a homeless woman in Baltimore who wandered into a school and pretended to be a substitute teacher for two weeks. Despite great reviews from her peers, when the school found out, she was forcefully thrown to the street.

Oops, wrong sub.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2018
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Two scholars were peer reviewing papers about the ocean...

One turned to the other and said "There's no information about whales here."

The other responded "Ok, we'll have to make a note, 'cetacean needed.'"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aenemius
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
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Timmy the tugboat captain would never forgive his peers after they would steal barge-moving jobs from him.

He definitely harbored a grudge.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
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πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/myre_or_less
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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Warning!

Be aware We ordered a Chinese takeaway from a local place (I won't name them) I went to pick it up last night and as I was driving home, I heard the bags rustling and moving!!WTF??!!! I thought what the hell is that. Has something got in the bag, I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out at me. I was driving so I leaned forward, picked up the bag, put it on the passenger seat and there it was again, more rustling and little eyes looking out behind the prawn crackers, I thought its got to be a rat or a mouse or something, so I carefully pulled the bag down ... And there it was ... ... A Peeking Duck!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Weedwacker01
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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Conversation between Lincoln and his peers

Lincoln: I shall abolish slavery in the country of freedom Peers: what in tarnation ?? Lincoln: yes, this entire nation

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jalelninj
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2018
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My celestial peers don't find me attractive due to my lack of gravity (x-post from /r/fifthworldproblems)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/live4lifelegit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2016
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Bill Nye has a daughter who doesn't believe in science.

Her name is Dee.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArshmanR
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
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Modern peer-to-peer technology ipfs.pics/QmVt8Mk3SGw3rRh…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yousosweg
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2015
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Peer Pressure

http://imgur.com/wCdmKk3

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Axeofdeath
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2016
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When I was a teenager, I wanted to join a pyramid scheme.

But my mummy wouldn't let me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreatGreenGobbo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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If you don't want the peer pressure...

...get a boat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Djuck
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2015
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Gerald, a young bull elephant was using the bathroom at his girlfriend's Bethany's apartment when he noticed one of those little pregnancy test things, tucked behind the cupboard...

... he picked it up carefully with his trunk and peered at the little window with a racing heart...

Positive! ... Brenda was pregnant!

OMG... fear, excitement, shock... and yet more worrying "why hasn't she told me?"

A hundred scenarios raced through his head, his ears trembling, his trunk twitching as each played out...

Finally he calmed... maybe she was waiting for the right moment to tell him the news?

He chose to be patient... he watched her carefully the whole day, carefully avoiding anything that might show that he knew... but Bethany gave no hints whatsoever.

Several days went by, and he grew more and more anxious.

Finally, he could take it no longer...

"Bethany..." he said

"It's time we discussed the elephant in the womb".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fractiousrhubarb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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I’m trying to be a sociopath, but I’m not that great in manipulating people.

I’m more of a so-so path.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2018
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We know the effects of second hand smoke are terrible.

Does anyone have peer reviewed studies on the effects of minute hand smoke?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Millenial
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
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I watched a TV programme about the House of Lords last week. But I wasn’t really concentrating so I’m going to have to watch it again.

That’ll be the Peer review.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
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Moral of the story: living well is the best revenge

Once upon a time, there was a small desert village with a single well on the outskirts of the town. One morning, a woman went to the well to fetch water for the day. The lady was crying and the well heard this. A voice came from the well and asked β€œwhat’s wrong?”

The lady stopped sobbing and asked the well, in utter disbelief, β€œyou can talk?”

β€œYes” the well said, β€œlong ago, the witch living in this town gave life to me so I could protect the towns people”

β€œAlas” the woman said, β€œI am the daughter of that witch. She lived in peace with the town for many years, but the new mayor, who is a violent and hateful man, riled the townspeople up against her. The town burnt my mom at the stake! I am still young and do not know much magic. I tried to curse the town, but failed, and now I fear I may never avenge my mother.”

β€œDo not be afraid” the well said, β€œI will take care of this.”

The next morning the mayor was going to the well to fetch water when he heard an odd noise. He peered over the edge to look down as far as he could when an impossibly long arm shot up at him. The arm grabbed the mayor and dragged him down into the depths of the well. There was a horrible crunching sound and the mayor was never seen again. The townsfolk apologized to the witch’s daughter and everyone lived happily ever after.

See moral above for the pun...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ManGood2002
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
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This is absolutely horrible

Why did the shower head do drugs

peer PRESSURE

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatOnePillowPet
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
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I look at guys using adjacent urinals.

I peer peer peers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pizzarrow9
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
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Why don't torrenters ever get convicted?

Because they're generous seeders, and they have to be tried by a jury of their peers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IncompotentCyborg
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
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The pearly gates

St. Peter was guarding the Pearly Gates, waiting for new souls coming to heaven. He saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention. "Jesus, could you mind the gate while I go do an errand?"

"Sure," replied Jesus. "What do I have to do?"

"Just find out about the people who arrive. Ask about their background, their family, and their lives. Then decide if they deserve entry into Heaven."

"Sounds easy enough. OK."

So Jesus manned the gates for St. Peter. The first person to approach the gates was a wrinkled old man. Jesus summoned him to sit down and sat across from him. Jesus peered at the old man and asked, "What did you do for a living?"

The old man replied, "I was a carpenter."

Jesus remembered his own earthly existence and leaned forward. "Did you have any family?" he asked.

"Yes, I had a son, but I lost him."

Jesus leaned forward some more. "You lost your son? Can you tell me about him?"

"Well, he had holes in his hands and feet."

Jesus leaned forward even more and whispered, "Father?"

The old man leaned forward and whispered, "Pinocchio?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
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What do you call the colleagues who visit the restrooms together?

Peers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bubi093
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2018
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I just told this one!

I'm sitting in a conference room with a couple of team members. When people for the next meeting start milling about outside the conference room, some people get antsy and start peering into the room through the window when it's almost time to vacate the conference room.

I just joked that it's a new form of peer pressure!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/curzyk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2015
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The funniest thing my dad has said

My dad and I were watching tv one night and the screen suddenly goes black. After watching the blank screen for a good 10 seconds, he finally breaks the silence by saying "If anyone were to peer in at us right now, they'd think we're insane."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fishbiscuit47
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2013
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A worker got me

Peer:My eyelid has been twitching for a week. I am just going to cut it off Me: Have you tried banana's? (the potassium should help) Peer: Nope, don't think it is sharp enough

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlphaQUp_Bish
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2016
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Did you know the song "Toxic" is based on people she was at school with?

Britney's peers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2018
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dad joking grandpa, once a dad always a dad.

I pulled my car over on my way home today because it started smoking (I cracked a head gasket) so I called my grandpa because he is the mechanic of my family and he only lives a mile from where I pulled over.

I told him that my car was smoking and I needed his help to find out what was wrong with it.

"It's probably peer pressure, make it smoke the rest of the pack and see how it likes it then"

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2014
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My girlfriend was trying to title her presentation. I'm not a dad yet but... I think I'm ready.

So my girlfriend has to write a presentation about the effects of intense pressure from parents (forced religion etc.) on children. The conversation went like this.

Her- "What do I title this?"
Me- "What about 'Peer-ent Pressure'?"

Groans were had.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jellymuncher
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2015
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Dad joke>empathy

So I was cycling back from high school one day and I fell off my bike. Nothing major happened, just a few scratches and a torn pair of jeans. I get home and walk through the front door, and my dad is sitting in his armchair peering over his newspaper. Dad: What happened? Did you fall in a deep fryer? Me: What? No, I.. Dad: It's just you look pretty battered Me: .... Just a side-note, he did check I was fine afterwards. I guess the urge was just too strong

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HumerusMedic
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2015
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Dad joked my friends at lunch

Friend (drinking some cup ramen): I wonder if Meredith is in this lunch. Me (snatching the cup and peering in): Nope, she's definitely not in this one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Godricus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2014
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One of my employees urinated on himself today at work...

He's one of my peers.

Edit: Cuz I'm editing

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RiftedEnergy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2018
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I hate peer pressure

...and so should you!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScottyUrb
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
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**** PLEASE BE AWARE ****

We ordered a Chinese last from a local place in downtown (we won't name them) went to pick it up and as I was driving home, heard the bags rustling and moving!!!

I thought what on earth is that? Has something got in the bag? I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out.

I was driving so pulled over, I leaned forward, picked up the bag, put it on the passenger seat and there it was again, more rustling and little eyes looking out behind the chili beef.

I thought its got to be a rat or a mouse or something, so I carefully pulled the bag down ...

And there it was ...

A Peeking Duck

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πŸ‘€︎ u/createsean
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
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Be vigilant

I hate to do this about a local business but feel you deserve to know. πŸ˜•

** Be aware **

We ordered a Chinese takeaway from a local place (I'm not going to name them) I'd just been to pick it up and as I were driving home, I heard the bags rustling and moving!!! I thought what the hell is that? Has something got in the bag? I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out

I was driving so I leaned forward, picked up the bag, put it on the passenger seat and there it was again, more rustling and little eyes looking out behind the prawn crackers!

I thought its got to be a rat or a mouse or something, so I carefully pulled the bag down ...

And there it was ...

... A Peeking Duck!!!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beanieboombaby
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report

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