The wife and I were at the marriage counselor. "Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true?" The marriage counselor asked glaring at me.

I look at my wife frustratingly and shout "You never even told me you sold flowers!?"

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
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Did you hear about the summer camp for aspiring models? They’re hiring counselors for next year, but it’s not for everyone.

The camp goers are pretty intense.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xilshin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
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A husband and wife were at a marriage counselor. The wife complained, "he only talks about Star Wars! I've had it. I'm leaving him!" The counselor turned to the husband: "well?"

The husband looked at his wife and said, "divorce is strong with this one."

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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My grief counselor died recently

Clearly did a good job, because I didn't care

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
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A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry. Finally he went to a marriage counselor. When asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other made delicious pancakes...

"Oh." said the counselor. "I see what the problem is. You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
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Everybody calls me their guidance counselor

Because I open so many doors for them

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YaBoiUthan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
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When you counselor eliminate your suicide thoughts.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/McMemelord420
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2018
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My counselor gave me a hug today

I guess I got shrinkwrapped

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BobIsMyCableGuy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
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They needn't have worried about talking to the marriage counselor about their intimacy issues

He was a consummate professional

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2017
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Postpartum counselor said my wife and I are being "the most earnest parents we can possibly be."

I nodded and said, "You know what I mean, Vern?"

My wife didn't get it, but the counselor and I couldn't stop laughing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CreauxTeeRhobat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2017
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My wife's due in April, we had an appointment with a genetic counselor

Our appointment was at 3, but she was running late. We had waited almost a half hour when she greeted us.

She said "I'm sorry, something unexpected came up."

To which I replied "Was it a pregnancy?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weeple2000
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2016
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I forgot to post this on Pi Day. Oh well! The Argyle Sweater for 3/14/21
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheDorkKnight53
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
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I went over to my friend Micks house

I knocked on the door and his wife answered. She told me that Mick was in the barn so I went around back to find him.

I opened the door to the barn and to my complete horror, Mick was pole dancing in a leotard on a combine harvestor

Me: What the hell are you doing??

Mick: Well, you know how my wife and I have been having marriage problems. We went to go see a counselor and he said to put some spice back in the relationship i had to do something sexy to a tractor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FearThePeople23
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
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When I went into the barn I saw my father doing a strip tease act in front of our tractor

He explained that he went to a marriage counselor because mom didn't want to be intimate anymore. The counselor told him he should do something sexy to attract her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ABitOfALuddite
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
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They should call the North Korean Diplomat

The Korea Counselor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hann1980
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2017
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The production staff of Car Talk at NPR
  • Accounts Payable Administrator_______________Imelda Czechs

  • Accounts Payable Clerk, Moscow Office__________Dasha Chekhov

  • Air-Quality Monitor _________________________Carmine Dioxide

  • Caffeine Addiction Counselor__________________Bruno Moore

  • Chief Legal Counsel_________________________ Hugh Louis Dewey of Dewey, Cheetham & Howe

  • Cliche Monitor_____________________________Saul Wellingood

  • Clothing Designer__________________________Hugh Jass

  • Credit Counselor___________________________Max Stout

  • Director of Purchasing_______________________Lois Bidder

  • Director of Pavlovian Research________________Isabelle Ringing

  • Divorce Attorney___________________________Carmine Nottyors

  • Dog Trainer_______________________________Don Chase Katz

  • Ebay Specialist____________________________Selma Junkoff

  • Head of Security___________________________Barb Dwyer

  • Global Economics Forecaster_________________Helena Handbasket

  • Marine Biologist___________________________Frieda Wales

  • Father-in-Law Liaison_______________________Royal Payne Diaz

  • Mother-in-Law Liaison______________________Stella Payne Diaz

  • Official Spokesperson_______________________Howie Vasive

  • Restroom Attendants_______________________Trudy Door & Donna Hall

  • Russian Chauffeur__________________________Picov Andropov

  • Scout Leader______________________________Lawson D. Woods

  • Shop Foreman_____________________________Luke Bizzy

  • Staff Intuitionist____________________________Ivan Inkling

  • Used Car Salesman_________________________Alexis Itznot

Full list can be found here: http://www.cartalk.com/content/staff-credits

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IcedPyro
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2016
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Taking roll at summer camp...

Counselor: "Juan Hernandez?"

Friend: "Two Hernandez..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WheezyLiam
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2013
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Dad said this to me today while discussing high school and college.

My guidance counselor said I was an expert in my field, so I became a farmer.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr_Flower_Pot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2014
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Marriage Counselor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers

I didnt know she sold flowers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/322dank
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
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My grief counselor just died and I don't care.

That guy was good.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nathanfromtexas
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
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