Yesterday I received my second round of the Russian covid-19 vaccine...
It appears completely safe, with ΠΈo side effects whatsoeveΡ, and I feelshΞΊΞΉ ΟoΟoshΞΏΜ Ρ ΡΡΠ²ΡΡΠ²ΡΡ ΡΠ΅Π±Ρ Π½Π΅ΠΌΠ½ΠΎΠ³ΠΎ ΡΡΡΠ°Π½Π½ΠΎ ΠΈ Ρ Π΄ΡΠΌΠ°Ρ, ΡΡΠΎ Π²ΡΡΠ°ΡΠΈΠ» ΠΎΡΠ»ΠΈΠ½ΡΠ΅ ΡΡΠΈ.
π︎ 32
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︎ Apr 16 2021
I recently found a round, black piece of plastic, with a hole in the middle and grooves on both sides. I picked it up and threw it. It flew for more than 300 yards
I'm sure that must have been a record
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︎ Apr 24 2021
A formerly blind man finishes his last round of eye surgery to gain his sight. The doctor asks if he has any last questions.
Patient: no, I think I'll see my self out.
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︎ Apr 09 2021
You know, out West they're started to ban those big round bales of hay you see in that field over there..
.... The cows aren't getting three square meals a day.
(Also, to those who tell dad jokes at every opportunity, I really appreciate you. As a person who grew up without the joy of a pops embarrassing me with terrible jokes, I was always bewildered by the stereotype. Recently though, I've been taking a microeconomics course I was dreading having to take and my professor has "big econ dad" energy. There's a joke every few minutes in his lectures and they give me the energy to keep going. You are appreciated. Even if your kids, spouse, partner, friends, strangers groan at you, undoubtedly someone out there really appreciates your goofiness).
π︎ 6
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︎ Apr 14 2021
Who was the roundest round knight of the round table?
π︎ 10
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︎ Mar 27 2021
A garbage man in Oklahoma was doing the rounds one morning
He came to a house where there was no bin out front, but there was a man sitting on the porch.
The garbage man called out βHey! Whereβs βya bin?β
The guy replies βIβve been in Floridaβ
The garbage man says βNo, no. I meant whereβs your wheely bin?β
The guys says βIβve really been in jail but I tell everyone Iβve been in Floridaβ.
π︎ 14
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︎ Mar 16 2021
Who was the fattest knight with roundest belly in King Arthur's Round Table?
π︎ 17
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︎ Mar 15 2021
Which one of King Arthurβs knights build the round table?
π︎ 24
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︎ Mar 18 2021
Why you should knock on fridge before opening it?
Because there could be a salad dressing.
π︎ 532
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︎ Apr 26 2021
Do you know which Knight it was who came up with the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
(My dad's a math teacher)
π︎ 17
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︎ Feb 13 2021
What's round, long and jokes around all of the time?
π︎ 6
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︎ Mar 14 2021
Who was the roundest of King Authur's Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Circumference. He ate too much pi!
π︎ 4
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︎ Mar 12 2021
Musicians say if the world isn't round
π︎ 14
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︎ Dec 26 2020
A farmer said to me βI have 68 sheep. Can you help round them up for me?β
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︎ Dec 17 2020
How often do pirate attacks occur?
π︎ 2k
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︎ Feb 02 2021
Where do you park a camel?
At the Camelot
(My Egyptian fatherβs fav joke)
π︎ 264
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︎ Mar 27 2021
Round of applause indeed
π︎ 47
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︎ Oct 27 2020
I'm starting to write a book about a tornado disaster
It's just a draft at the moment.
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︎ Mar 05 2021
I just thought of this today as I was driving... Iβm sorry in advance π I saw this sign the other day, and it had rounded edges
It was kinda pointless...
π︎ 9
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︎ Dec 22 2020
The fattest knight at King Arthurβs round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
π︎ 138
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︎ Sep 21 2020
I called up Weight Watchers, told them there was an emergency and asked for them to send someone round!
Turns out theyβve got loads of them!
π︎ 2
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︎ Jan 05 2021
What's the name of a knight of the round table?
π︎ 14
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︎ Nov 14 2020
Why didn't the pro golfer wear his golf shoes during the round? (Compliments of my stylist)
Because he's got a hole in one.
π︎ 15
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︎ Dec 11 2020
Took me many rounds to get this image
π︎ 139
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︎ Sep 19 2020
What's round and bad-tempered?
π︎ 4
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︎ Nov 30 2020
My wife and I had a 2 hour argument last night because I "have no sense of direction"
So I packed all my stuff and right.
π︎ 67
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︎ Mar 17 2021
Had a painter and decorator round this week. He's a furloughed airline pilot...
He made a lovely job of the landing!
π︎ 5
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︎ Dec 08 2020
Why wonβt triangles go on dates with circles?
π︎ 4k
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︎ Dec 01 2020
My wife insisted on pouring flour into the melted butter.
I told her she would roux the day.
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Nov 17 2020
You know that one about flat earthers?
Flat earthers are not well rounded individuals.
π︎ 5
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︎ Apr 26 2021
What did the right lung say to the left lung?
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︎ Mar 24 2021
Before we go to bed, my wife always recites the members of the round table..
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︎ Nov 19 2020
The most rounded up base I've ever seen, not gonna lie
π︎ 539
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︎ Mar 03 2020
The only thing Flat-Earthers fear...
π︎ 465
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︎ Jan 14 2021
Lesser known Knights of the Round Table
βI was the knight no one expected to see on the battlefield.β - Sir Prize
βI shall see you around.β - Sir Cumference
βWe shall fight on land or sea.β - Sir Fenturf
βI was the knight who was afraid to fight.β - Sir Render
βI was the unbelievable knight.β - Sir Real
βI was the knight that drank too much.β - Sir Rhosis
π︎ 9
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︎ Sep 05 2020
You win this round cheese
π︎ 144
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︎ Apr 29 2020
What's white, round and giggles?
π︎ 2
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︎ Nov 11 2020
I tried to convince one of my co workers to buy the first round of drinks after our shift...
He said no, but it was worth a shot.
π︎ 5
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︎ Oct 23 2020
Which knight invented the round table?
π︎ 36
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︎ Jan 18 2021
Who built King Arthur's round table?
π︎ 5
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︎ Jan 21 2021
Who invented the round table?
π︎ 9
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︎ Nov 24 2020
I recently found a round, black piece of plastic, with a hole in the middle and grooves on both sides. I picked it up and threw it. It flew for more than 300 yards.
I'm sure that must have been a record.
π︎ 453
π
︎ May 26 2020
The fattest knight at King Arthurβs round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Sep 22 2020
Which of King Arthur's knights crafted the Round Table?
Why, Sir Cumference of course!
π︎ 14
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︎ Oct 13 2020
The roundest knight at the round table
π︎ 94
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︎ Jul 11 2020
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