Circular Puns

Now I have salmonella.

(I’m sorry, it’s a fishy joke)

Pi(z)(z)(A)

Edit: Volume not area

It’s only cutting straight lines!

But if you ask me, that’s just bologna.

I told him I miter saw who it was...

Nevermind, found it! Its at the tip of the sphere

Because he's eggcentric

But I just can’t put my finger on it...

A Sphinxter

..Discus

Just make sure it's cooked at 360°!

An onion

To make matters worse, it is covered with a dark circular imperfection in the wood grain. I won't accept this - knot on my watch.

They wouldn't give me a straight answer

While cutting out sheet rock for the tile, he hands me a circular cutout with the words “to it” written on it.

He began to tell me that I’ll never be able to say I’ll do something “when I get around to it”, because now I have one of my own.

After about a minute I never sighed harder in my life.

A young man named James came to tend to the lawn at the beach house.

He was mowing in a circular fashioned around the yard and though he attempted to do the rest by hand, he didn’t fare very well.

I supposed you could call it a quasi-mowed O.

..it really makes my day

There was a village that had four competing pie shops, each inhabiting their own corner of the town. One of these shops was named "The Circle".

The Circle wanted to gain an edge on the other shops, they wanted to stand out. They realized they could transport more pies in their boxes if they made the pies square instead of circular, so they would stack better. The only place in the village to have these oddly-shaped pies is at The Circle.

So, for the area of The Circle, the pie are squared.

Because he had a sfear of circular objects

But traditionally, they’re circular.

Joke 1:

My sister was talking with my dad about the show ‘I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant’ and she went onto ask “how do you accidentally make a person?” And without missing a beat, my father looked her dead in the eye and replied with “I accidentally made three.” With the most serious face I’ve seen in my life.

Joke 2:

My sister, dad, and I were in Wal-Mart one day and in passing the toys, we found those circular beanie baby things with the big eyes. So, my ever impressive father grabs a special edition Chewbacca toy, pretend bites it as though it’s an apple, and says “Huh, this is a... Little Chewy!”

There’s more, considering he’s a Dad, but those two stand out the most to me.

Mom: "Dave, can you help me put the tree skirt on?"

Dad: "Sure, but I don't think it will fit you"

Our five-year-old son proudly presents us with a Lego minifig with a giant circular sawblade on its head.

ME: Hey, that guy's got a nice hat.

WIFE: Yeah, it should be called a sawmbrero.

ME: :T

So around 130 this morning I heard someone using a circular saw outside my apartment. I got out of bed pissed off and saw through my window two people were cutting apart the fence surrounding our garbage bins and stole it.

After 2 hours of unsuccessfully trying to fall asleep, I went out for a smoke and saw a cop car in our lot. Somebody had made a noise complaint and the police responded.

I spoke to them and after giving them a description of what I saw (they found the entire situation hilarious) I asked them "so would you consider this a fence offence?"

Groans were had by all.

Circulars.

We saw one of those circular open-sided fences around some hay. My son asked what it was. "I don't know", I said, "but it certainly rings a bale."

• It's too deep
• It's the pits
• The places made me go "What the Hell"
• It took an eternity for anything to happen
• I didn't get a lot of it , because the devil was in the details
• The so-called "smart" people in Hell use too much circular reasoning
• The main character is too down-to-earth
• Lucifer is unlikable, even though he is a central character
• It uses too much inflammatory language
• A lot of the action is too sin-tilating for me

Ok, that last one was pretty bad. I should be punished. I'll go die in a fire now.

In a circular motion.

Sorting through junk mail full of holiday sales.

Wife: "Nothing but circulars?"

Me: "Mm, they're mostly rectangulars."

I just switched the fan on to cool down, "You know why fans are circular?

So they can push the air round"

She thought it was as funny as I did!