...but toucan!
but toucan
It’s ok, Toucan play that game.
Möebius Dick
I shit, you knot.
"A rock and roll band!"
Wild Bill Hickock
Two-cans ham
This bears repeating.
He is a cereal drapist.
(credit to my actual dad for this joke)
Dad: "dinner's ready when you're done playing with yourself"
Mods said I'm a cereal reposter...
They're called 'hula berries' and they're a thing, but I had no idea.
I guess I'm not in the fruit loop.
You either get twice the amount of dad jokes or you get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mom."
Edit: On another Sub someone called me a homophobe. I want to say I'm not a homophobe it was simply a light hearted joke. I'm gay myself and wouldn't want to create hate or controversy. So sorry if I offended anyone.
Edit 2: Thanks for giving me my first award.
Edit 3: if you have heard it else where then fine Like this one guy in the comments said "I’ve seen it a few times but no doubt many people haven’t. No reason a good joke can’t be posted bc someone’s posted it in the past."
Edit 4: making too many edits but thanks for the gold kind stranger (And all of them means alot)
So I could have twice as many dad jokes.
I felt a little out of the loop on that one
It really threw me for a loop.
"Do you smell carrots?"
A roller coaster
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
Me: what?
Dad: the air.
Me: ....
They kept me out of the loop.
He was clearly out of the loop.
"everyone i looked at"
Everywhere I go it is always such a rip off.
He was caught drinking and deriving.
There were three medieval kingdoms on the shores of a lake. There was an island in the middle of the lake, over which the kingdoms had been fighting for years. Finally, the three kings decided that they would send their knights out to do battle, and the winner would take the island. The night before the battle, the knights and their squires pitched camp and readied themselves for the fight. The first kingdom had 12 knights, and each knight had five squires, all of whom were busily polishing armor, brushing horses, and cooking food. The second kingdom had twenty knights, and each knight had 10 squires. Everyone at that camp was also busy preparing for battle. At the camp of the third kingdom, there was only one knight, with his squire. This squire took a large pot and hung it from a looped rope in a tall tree. He busied himself preparing the meal, while the knight polished his own armor. When the hour of the battle came, the three kingdoms sent their squires out to fight (this was too trivial a matter for the knights to join in). The battle raged, and when the dust had cleared, the only person left was the lone squire from the third kingdom, having defeated the squires from the other two kingdoms, thus proving that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.
Bartender says "Hey! You're too young to be in here! Get lost!"
The string goes outside, and to disguise himself, ties himself in a loop and messes up his hair and walks back in.
The bartender sees him and yells "Hey! Aren't you the string I just threw out of here!?"
"I'm a frayed knot."
Now I'm stuck in a time loop
They've just been out of the loop for too long.
He puts it through his loops
"You must be out of the loop..."
I was kept out of the loop the whole time.
What letter is this?
"Y"
Because I'm asking you! What letter is it??
"Y!"
How am I supposed to know if you've learnt it if you don't tell me?? What letter is this??
I look at him. He's looking at me. I can see his brain stuck in a loop he's not sure how to get out of. He sees me starting to crack up and out it comes, the unquestionable evidence of a successful dad joke
"Ugh! DAAAAAAAAADDDD"
The anti-loop.
But it didn't stick.
I'm only familiar with his older stuff. Sorry.
It was because he was out of the loop
The string says to the bartender, “One beer, please.” The bartender looks at him and says, “We don’t serve your kind here.”
The string goes outside, loops itself around a few times, and goes back inside. The bartender asks, “Aren’t you the guy from before?” The piece of string says, “I’m a frayed knot.”
Which came the reply "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
Because toucan play at that game.
Either twice the Dad jokes or an infinite loop of “Go ask your mom”.
The Anti-loop
Bartender: “Hey we don’t serve strings here.”
(String walks out and ties himself in a loop and messes up his hair... the string then walks back into the bar)
Bartender: “Are you the string that was just in here?”
String: “Nope, I’m a frayed knot”
