I heard that the Cap’n Crunch guy pranked the Froot Loops guy.

It’s ok, Toucan play that game.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shartnado3
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
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Son, can you tie this rope into loops while I go to the bathroom?

I shit, you knot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RevanAndTheSithy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
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A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here." The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender squints at hi
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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Whoever called the loops in malls with restaurants "food courts" missed a huge opportunity. They ought to be cul-de-snacks.
πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Batshit_Betty
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2018
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On mobile the r/perfect loops suggestion showed a wheel of ck that rotated between o and i. It said ick ock ick ock…obviously the T was cut off from the top. But watching it with out the the T made me think of Wild Bill

Wild Bill Hickock

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
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You ever hear about the dude who rode his horse through a flaming loop?

His name was Medieval Knievel.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sandra-Clapped
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
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Spread the news! My Grizzly is stuck on loop!

This bears repeating.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lod254
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
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Having gay parents must be horrible

You either get twice the amount of dad jokes or you get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mom."

Edit: On another Sub someone called me a homophobe. I want to say I'm not a homophobe it was simply a light hearted joke. I'm gay myself and wouldn't want to create hate or controversy. So sorry if I offended anyone.

Edit 2: Thanks for giving me my first award.

Edit 3: if you have heard it else where then fine Like this one guy in the comments said "I’ve seen it a few times but no doubt many people haven’t. No reason a good joke can’t be posted bc someone’s posted it in the past."

Edit 4: making too many edits but thanks for the gold kind stranger (And all of them means alot)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SergeantSolar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
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My wife changed our cereal from Cheerios to Frosties, and I only noticed this morning

I felt a little out of the loop on that one

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Egreaves14
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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Apparently my friends started a hula hooping club but never told me about it.

They kept me out of the loop.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
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My friend once told me centrifugal force doesn't exist.

He was clearly out of the loop.

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OGgoob666
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
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A string walks into a bar...

Bartender says "Hey! You're too young to be in here! Get lost!"

The string goes outside, and to disguise himself, ties himself in a loop and messes up his hair and walks back in.

The bartender sees him and yells "Hey! Aren't you the string I just threw out of here!?"

"I'm a frayed knot."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeChadley
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
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My Favorite Dad Joke

There were three medieval kingdoms on the shores of a lake. There was an island in the middle of the lake, over which the kingdoms had been fighting for years. Finally, the three kings decided that they would send their knights out to do battle, and the winner would take the island. The night before the battle, the knights and their squires pitched camp and readied themselves for the fight. The first kingdom had 12 knights, and each knight had five squires, all of whom were busily polishing armor, brushing horses, and cooking food. The second kingdom had twenty knights, and each knight had 10 squires. Everyone at that camp was also busy preparing for battle. At the camp of the third kingdom, there was only one knight, with his squire. This squire took a large pot and hung it from a looped rope in a tall tree. He busied himself preparing the meal, while the knight polished his own armor. When the hour of the battle came, the three kingdoms sent their squires out to fight (this was too trivial a matter for the knights to join in). The battle raged, and when the dust had cleared, the only person left was the lone squire from the third kingdom, having defeated the squires from the other two kingdoms, thus proving that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fracturedsplintX
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2018
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Ex-hula hoop champions wouldn't even understand the sophisticated techniques of current competitors.

They've just been out of the loop for too long.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
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My friend said, "Centrifugal force? Never heard of it..."

"You must be out of the loop..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/profgarden
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
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I left the hula hooping club because I didn't like the way they were treating me.

I was kept out of the loop the whole time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
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Teaching my 4yo how to write

What letter is this?

"Y"

Because I'm asking you! What letter is it??

"Y!"

How am I supposed to know if you've learnt it if you don't tell me?? What letter is this??

I look at him. He's looking at me. I can see his brain stuck in a loop he's not sure how to get out of. He sees me starting to crack up and out it comes, the unquestionable evidence of a successful dad joke

"Ugh! DAAAAAAAAADDDD"

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DreamSmuggler
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2018
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What animal is known for running in straight lines?

The anti-loop.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Valdagast
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
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Why was a man watching his buddies hang so confused?

It was because he was out of the loop

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blletbetter
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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I piece of string walks into a bar

The string says to the bartender, β€œOne beer, please.” The bartender looks at him and says, β€œWe don’t serve your kind here.”

The string goes outside, loops itself around a few times, and goes back inside. The bartender asks, β€œAren’t you the guy from before?” The piece of string says, β€œI’m a frayed knot.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheManicMonocle
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
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What animal hates rollecoasters?

The Anti-loope

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mercinario
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2018
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An American man and his son went to Finland.

When they arrived, a cab driver greeted them at the airport. "What should we do on our first day here," the father asked his son, excitedly. The driver interjected, "Well, if you're not natives, I'd suggest the roller coaster that teaches your or language." Confused, the father and son look at one another then back at their guide. "Trust me," he told them, "It's guaranteed or your money back." Having no plans and now both understandably intrigued, the pair agreed. When they arrived at the roller coaster, they were amazed to behold the giant steel skeleton of the most intricate ride they'd ever seen. It had loops, helixes, corkscrews and drops more terrifying than anything they'd ridden back home. The son quickly rescinded his consent and turned you guys father. "There's no way I'm getting on that thing. You go first," he said, "Then you can tell me if it's worth it." Not wanting to seem a coward, the father accepted. Stepping into the first car, he seated himself. As the attendant approached to check his shoulder restraint, her couldn't help but ask, "So how exactly am I supposed to learn an entire language from a roller coaster?" The attendant smiled and replied simply, "You'll see." Anticipation turned to unease as the cars lurched upward towards the first drop. The seconds felt like hours as the car climbed higher and higher, clicking steadily while the chain pulled it skyward. As the nose of the car tipped downward and he could see the enormous drop below, his inner fear turned verbal. Without thinking he screamed, "minΓ€ kuolen!" As he rounded the first turn and into an inverted twist, he debut another exclamation well inside and burst forth. "naida!" He screamed as the ride continued. A few minutes and many foreign-tongued exclamations later, he found himself back at the station trying to catch his breath with the smiling attendant removing his restraints. His ran up to his son and declared, "It really works! I'm not sure how, but it really works!" "How was it?" the son asked unimpressed. "It was a wild ride from start to Finnish." "The son smiled weakly. "Yeah , the cabbie stole our luggage."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CanMan0711
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2017
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Asked to borrow a belt from my dad yesterday...

I asked my Dad if I could borrow his brown belt. He said sure, but when I tried it on the prong went 4in past the last hole.

Me: "Dad, it's too big"

Dad: "What? Let me see that."

puts belt on himself and hooks into the second loop

Dad: "I don't know what you're talking about, this fits just fine"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RatherDashingf11
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2015
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The Dictator

So here's the setup: I recently started working for a taxi cab company. It's surprisingly lucrative, and a shitload better than McDonalds.

So I'm working, and I'm parked in front of a bar, hoping that a fare is gonna knock on my window, when about twenty feet or so in front of me, I see a very good friend of mine. I shout, and we spend the next few minutes shooting the breeze. A fare knocks on my window, and I driver her to where she needs to go.

After, I'm driving back to that bar, and I get a call from my friend, asking if I had another fare lined up. I didn't so he told me to come back, he's got a group for me. They get in the car, and these guys start bugging the shit out of me. Which I can handle. What I can't handle is when they start dealing each other cocaine in my back seat. At that point, I'm just livid. I tell them to give me my money and get the fuck out of my car.

Later, I chat my friend up on Facebook. I tell him that I'm super-grateful that he got me a fare, but to please not ever put those particular assholes in my car again. And since our relationship is built on surreal humor and snark, I start expanding the list. Those assholes. Colombian drug lords. Justin Beiber. Kim Jong-Un. Please, no Korean dictators.

"But what about a penis-shaped potato?"

I'll admit, that one threw me for a loop. But I tell him that potatoes are fine, regardless of shape, size, color, or type.

At that point, I could almost hear him laughing as he typed "Excellent. Instead of a dictator, I'll send you with a dick tater."

I was so pissed off I had walked straight into that one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoldierOfTruth
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2015
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Surprised I wasn't fired for this one...

I work in a small office and control the music via my phone. An obscure track from "The Who" started playing...

Boss: "Who is this?"

Me: "Yes."

Boss: "It's [Yes](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yes_(band)?"

Me: "No."

Boss: "Well who is it?"

Me: "Yes."

I let it go two complete loops. Thank goodness he has a sense of humor.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FidlerBD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2014
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That fateful day has finally arrived. I'm a dad joker.

So, I'm a new-ish dad, and I now consider myself an apprentice in the art of dad jokes. How's this one?

I'm helping out my kid with his math. All looks good, except there's a weird loop at the top of one of his '1's.

Son: "Is that right?"

Me: "What's that thing there, with the loop?"

Son: "That's a 1. Is it right?"

Me: "Right? Even Better. I'd say you got a HOLE IN 1."

Son: ".... daaaad... ugh.."

At long last, I'm not at the receiving end of these ;)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vetokend
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2016
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"That sounds like your grandfather" says my dad

My flight was early arriving a while back. Dad tracks everything so they're circling the arrivals loop even though we're early. A few circles in and they call me back saying "so is you're luggage in yet ....?"

I reply, "well, it seems the flight arrived early, but my luggage is right on time..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smadness
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2016
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Bus driver told a dadjoke this morning.

As we pulled out of the bus loop: "We're off! And we have no idea where we're going or how to get there. But we're making very good time."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/agoatforavillage
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2013
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I think I Nailed this

I'm on my mobile, so I apologize for any typos.


Today I had a simple surgical procedure at my local podiatrist.

At the end of the procedure the doctor was applying an acid to the surgical site, and I asked what he was using.

Doc: "...this is called Phenol, and it discourages the regrowth of the ingrown nail."

Me: "That sounds phenolmenal!"

He stopped what he was doing for a moment, and we had a good laugh, turns out he had never heard that all to obvious pun.

Also, I'm pretty sure khakis are going to sprout from my legs pretty soon.

I'll keep you all in the loop on that front

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Agr8
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2015
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Here's a selection of my dad's best bar jokes.

A mushroom walking into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm sorry we don't serve your kind around here." And the mushroom says, "Oh come on, I'm a fungi."

A three legged dog walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Can I get you something?" and the dog says, "No, I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."

A piece of string walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, we don't serve your kind around here." So the string walks outside twists himself into a loop, messes up his hair and walks back in. The bartender spots him and says, "Hey! Arn't you the piece of string that just walked in here?" And the string looks at him and says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigrich1776
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2013
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Dadjoke at the laboratory.

I work as a lab tech in my university, and as I was preparing some bacterial streak plates for some students (mind you, we use an innoculating loop to transfer bacteria from a sample tube to plates), I said to some of the students: "what did one bacteria said to the other? Let's get looped, and go streaking."

I received an uniform look of dissapointment and a couple of facepalms from the students while I giggled at my joke. The teacher loved it though.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jesusdo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2014
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My Dad's special occasion joke.

Whilst I really enjoy Dad jokes (why else would I be subscribed here) I cannot endorse this one at all, but every year or two Dad will break this one out at family gatherings, weddings and funerals.

A man was recently fired from his job and needed somewhere to make some money. Fortunately a circus was in town, so he went along to see if they had any vacancies.

When he walked onto the site he saw the main tent and walked in. The ringmaster came up to him and asked what he wanted.

"Can I have a job please?" said the man.

"Well what can you do?" replied the ringmaster.

The man thought about it for a bit before he knew what he was going to do. When it came to him he didn't say another word, but he brought his arms in like this (Dad proceeds to demonstrate by bringing his hand up to his armpits making wings) and started to flap his arms (Oh look, Dad's flapping his arms too).

Not much was happening at first, but slowly you could see his feet rise, ever so slowly off the ground. Eventually the man is a few meters off the ground, flapping his arms, but that's just the beginning.

He then flies to the top of the tent and starts speeding up, flying laps around the tent. He's showing off now, doing loop de loops and diving down. Eventually he feels he's shown his worth and lowers himself down to the ground.

He looks at the ringmaster and says "Well, what do you think?"

The ringmaster looks back and says "Is that all you can do?" (Long pause) "Bird Impressions?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Barabajagala
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2013
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Train station attendant was a Dad.

The bus ride to the station had been very stressful. I spent the entire time worrying if the bus even stopped at the train station. I ended up spending nearly an hour making two loops around the city before I finally realized that I had to hop off near the station. Public transport. Jesus.

I'd missed the train I wanted to catch due to my hour-long bus ride, so I had some time to kill before the next one arrived. It had been cold and raining when I left in the morning, but by lunch time it was warm and I was sweating, standing on the station in a big yellow hoodie and jeans.

I had overslept and skipped breakfast earlier, so I resolved not to let the loud farts coming from the old man next to me kill my appetite. I was desperate for a snack.

Initially the vending machine told me it would accept "EXACT CHANGE ONLY". Slightly annoying, but no real problem: I just fished out my change, inserted some alternative coins and punched in the number. I watched the object of my desire inch forwards, ready to drop into the bottom where I could collect it. For some reason I was terrified that it might get stuck. Robbed by a robot, how embarrassing. Luckily the packet fell into the tray. Finally something was going my way.

As I reached into the bottom of the machine and pushed open the metal door, it suddenly stuck. It was wedged in place and the gap was too small for my snack to fit through. "Motherfucker..." I whispered under my breath.

But I was too invested to give up now. Determined not to be beaten by a bloody machine, I pulled hard and the packet burst, spilling chips into the tray. I managed to salvage about half of the crisps and ate them greedily. Partially crushed, but still deliciously cheesy.

At this point it occurred to me that perhaps I should tell the station operator that the vending machine was broken. I walked up to the ticket office and saw a bored, tired looking man in his forties. "I just thought I'd let you know the vending machine is jammed," I announced.

The attendant got up, walked over over to the vending machine and gave it a solid kick, dislodging the little metal door which had foiled me. When he turned to me again his expression had changed from boredom to amusement. "So what flavour was it then? Strawberry?"

I groaned, but couldn't resist a smile.

I knew it was going to be a good day.


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πŸ‘€︎ u/Revoran
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2014
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So my dad

...just came in from walking our new puppy. He had her chain leash looped over and hooked on itself around his neck. He says, "Look, I'm Mr. B.! Get it?! Like Mr. T.!! Except our last name starts with 'B'!!!!!" He then proceeded to eat an apple and chuckle heartily for the next few minutes.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ianjoebag
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2013
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A string goes into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve strings here, mate". String goes out, loops itself and frazzles the bitter end. Goes back in the bar and the bartender says "Aren't you that string from a few minutes ago?"

Which came the reply "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2018
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Having gay parents must be really difficult.

Either twice the Dad jokes or an infinite loop of β€œGo ask your mom”.

πŸ‘︎ 117
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
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What animal is known for running in straight lines?

The Anti-loop

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
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A string walks into a bar...

Bartender: β€œHey we don’t serve strings here.”

(String walks out and ties himself in a loop and messes up his hair... the string then walks back into the bar)

Bartender: β€œAre you the string that was just in here?”

String: β€œNope, I’m a frayed knot”

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timaaayyy
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2019
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Having gay parents must be horrible...

Like, you either get double the dad jokes or get stuck in a infinite loop of "Go ask your mom". I can't imagine the pain.

πŸ‘︎ 102
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DamnDanielToHell
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2016
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