So he doesn't have a meltdown.
... then add 24 carrots
An “on-col”ogist
He didn't make it.
An oncallogist
Nacho, nacho plan... they've gotta make a nacho plan.
No need to remind her every half hour.
Because 2021.
I hope this is OC. Havent looked though.
Times new ramen!
I guess that's why they call it window pain.
They can smell what Barack is cooking.
It's for anyone looking to make a quick buck.
I was watching TV with my hispanic girlfriend and on the show we were watching a guy gave a girl a danish (little pastry with fruit). My girlfriend said that while it looked pretty tasty and good, she's not much of a Danish person and I said, "Well, probably because you're hispanic.."
I immediately texted my dad the joke as well.
Pencil-vania XD
The bull insistent on having sex until the female cow replied.
“ Honey I’m not in the moood.”
I uh I’m gonna go now.
When you're full groan.
I really want to have a daughter and name her Zelda.
I imagine, as she gets older she will spend all her time writing sick poetry and rhymes in her journal, growing her hair down to her back, not to spite me, but so she can donate it later, and expand her wit by studying improv comedy through highschool.
As she becomes famous, I hope she will invite me to one of her rap battles and put me in the front row. My heart will grow as she takes the stage, but fatherly intuition tells me something is wrong...Zelda is frozen at the microphone.
I see her up on the stage, eyes alight with fright, hair pulled tight into a bun. She and I lock eyes, a moment of silence passes and serenity slowly enters...THIS is the moment we have been waiting for all our lives.
Looking up calmly, I couldn't be more proud as I exclaim, "Rap puns, Zel. Rap puns, Zel! Let down your hair!"
Guess I'm a Naan prophet.
He replied "Chai, nah".
To which I replied “No it doesn’t.”
I said, “I’m taking Advil before Aleeve”
Because she’s all dressed.
They were dunesday preppers.
Not even remotely.
"No Mike, you fly on ahead and I'll catch up later".
I mean, how low can you go?
...by tex-mexage.
Time to flip the bird!
....First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.
Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.
"Well then, you'd better wear your own!"
DAD: I’ll have the rabbit stew
WAITER: only if you promise not to say “waiter there’s a hare in my soup” after I bring it
...
DAD: I’ll have the chicken
“Dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner Batman!”
“Dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner Batman!”
It's for anyone looking to make a quick buck.
