Teacher: Felix, when is the boiling point reached? Felix: Just after my father reads my report card.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a NASA employee that has never reached space?

An Astro-not.

πŸ‘︎ 104
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotSoSasquatchy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I really wanted to be there for the birth of my child. I drove like an idiot and almost got into an accident. But when I reached the hospital, I found out it was all for nothing.

I was dad on arrival.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/busterpkeaton
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

πŸ‘︎ 104
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
A woman starting a hike at the Grand Canyon asked me how the trail was as I reached the top

I said β€œit’s all downhill from here!”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ATexanHobbit
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I would make a joke about the lowest temperature that can be reached

But there is absolute zero need or want for it.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spafinmebath
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
If my bookcase realizes it wants to store dishes instead of books, it has reached shelf actualization.
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/huxley0721
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I met my partner after we both reached for the same rifle scope.

You know what they say, love at first sight.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I found a sack on the side of the road. I reached inside to see if I could figure out who it belonged to. I think it belonged to Santa.

I felt his presents.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rlchv70
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
We have reached a stage of enlightenment ladies and gentlemen
πŸ‘︎ 289
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hungryboi123
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
You have reached the pregnancy hotline...

If you'd like to speak to a physician, dial 1... if you are currently in labor, dial 8...

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/profgarden
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Just reached the coast of Labrador, looking for signs of retrievers.

(what my dad texted me from the airplane home)

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lucidDreamcast
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
🚨︎ report
When we reached the narrow strip of land with sea on either side...

I knew Ithmus be the place.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rdunne22
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What did Cinderella do when she reached the ball?

She gagged.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doktorstrange7
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Reached a new milestone in my cheesemaking – successfully formed some curd!

Whey to go

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I just reached rock-bottom
πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stolen_Burrito
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What did they say when the reached the bottom of the Mariana Trench?

β€œWe can only go up from here!”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MeikaDawn
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
A boy finally reached the front of the line at a water park, but when I measured him he was just short of the mark...

I shrugged, "Eh, I'll let it slide."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/olbox_ofsox
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I’ve reached peak Dad!

Went to the outdoor ice rink yesterday with my wife and son. Ran into our friend Rosy and her kids who were just leaving. Rosy said they had fun but were cold now so had to leave. I responded β€œyea you look cold. Your cheeks are...........rosy” cue my wife’s loud groan.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deep_6d
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
🚨︎ report
*Passes town cemetery* β€œWell, it looks like we’ve reached the dead centre of town”
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zac_george
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
🚨︎ report
So I reached a low point today.

https://imgur.com/a/UCghi

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/baggedlunch
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2018
🚨︎ report
If David Guetta reached his level of fame by raising himself by the bootstraps, does that make him a go-Guetta?
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Perse95
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2017
🚨︎ report
I finally reached the top of Mount Everest

I guess it’s all downhill from here

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yosoyellogan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Girlfriend reached for my bread at a pan-Asian restaurant...

I told her, Naan of it was for her

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PSU_Arcite
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2016
🚨︎ report
My humor has reached the pinnacle.

I made pasta for dinner, my mom suggested trying some Ricotta with it... fast forward 35 minutes

Mom: Can I have some of the pasta?

Me:Yeah sure, go for it.

Mom: Oh you didn't use the Ricotta?

Me: Oh no, I didn't. I guess I forgotta about the Ricotta

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stylish_aggie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2014
🚨︎ report

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